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Soft tasking from an equal

#1 · July 2, 2023, 8:15 am

Quote from John Freeman on July 2, 2023, 8:15 am
Hello,
A colleague of mine left me an audio message yesterday. I like him we have a good relationship and I think he’s a straight shooter.
Him: I have a request to make to you please. Bla-bla-bla
So he wants me to call a patient for him. I was aware that he wanted me to do something for him as he framed it as a favour. I answered with low effort as it was still tasking from an equal. We help one another but he’s in debt with me: In the past I brought him an envelope with stamps on it from my home when he could not buy it on time (private favour rendered, it was not a professional favour).
Me: Hello colleague, I’m taking care of it. Good night!
This morning he sends me another string of messages where he asks me to do something else that he did not do. Be aware that it’s his day off. He’s not supplying me information, he’s not helping me he’s asking me. This time it’s proper tasking:
Him: Please, I don’t know if the resident has done this prescription but if not thanks for doing it.
Me: it’s all good don’t worry!
Him: please give me a feed-back when it’s done
So now I feel he’s taking advantage of my kindness. He sees he can get me to do things so he asks more. So I’m not going to do what he asked. I’m going to send him the contacts of the parents because « it’s simpler ». It is. I’m still rendering a service to him as a colleague but not going to accomplish the task for him. It could have waited until Monday though. I said yes so now I
I’m going to tone down the warmth: remove the exclamation points for instance as he’s not using any. I’m not looking for a friend but for a reliable colleague.
Again we see how people really are when you give them power over you. When they have a choice. Well when I’m being kind with him he piles up more tasks on my desk. He’s smart and a nice person. It’s not the issue. It’s the social climbing.
The reason I called it « soft tasking » is because he disguises it as favour he asks me but does not name it as a favour (« request »). So it is also credit erasing. Also he peppers it with « please » and he’s tone of voice was deferring in his voice message. So he’s massaging my ego to get what he wants. He does the same with other higher ups (« hey boss! »).
So basically it’s tasking disguised as asking for a favour mixed with warmth and submissive signals. But in the end it is tasking.
Also the « thanks for doing that » is the soft tasking we use with residents as attendings.
So basically I’m going to low effort execute (give him the name and contact of the family). Since he’s not acknowledging the service in the pre-frame (puts himself below to ask, puts himself above as soon as I accepted) I’m going to stress the favour given (« I’m happy to help you » and challenge with: but couldn’t it wait until Monday? »).
I think this all started when I rendered him the service with the envelope. He couldn’t go to the post office and I assumed it was an urgent matter. He said I’ll give you 1.6 chf. And I said you don’t owe me anything. I think I was too desperate to prove myself to be a good colleague and I labeled myself as a sucker. And now he takes advantage of it.
So now when he’s going to ask me a service I’m going to challenge him as if he cannot find another solution.

Hello,

A colleague of mine left me an audio message yesterday. I like him we have a good relationship and I think he’s a straight shooter.

Him: I have a request to make to you please. Bla-bla-bla

So he wants me to call a patient for him. I was aware that he wanted me to do something for him as he framed it as a favour. I answered with low effort as it was still tasking from an equal. We help one another but he’s in debt with me: In the past I brought him an envelope with stamps on it from my home when he could not buy it on time (private favour rendered, it was not a professional favour).

Me: Hello colleague, I’m taking care of it. Good night!

This morning he sends me another string of messages where he asks me to do something else that he did not do. Be aware that it’s his day off. He’s not supplying me information, he’s not helping me he’s asking me. This time it’s proper tasking:

Him: Please, I don’t know if the resident has done this prescription but if not thanks for doing it.
Me: it’s all good don’t worry!
Him: please give me a feed-back when it’s done

So now I feel he’s taking advantage of my kindness. He sees he can get me to do things so he asks more. So I’m not going to do what he asked. I’m going to send him the contacts of the parents because « it’s simpler ». It is. I’m still rendering a service to him as a colleague but not going to accomplish the task for him. It could have waited until Monday though. I said yes so now I

I’m going to tone down the warmth: remove the exclamation points for instance as he’s not using any. I’m not looking for a friend but for a reliable colleague.

Again we see how people really are when you give them power over you. When they have a choice. Well when I’m being kind with him he piles up more tasks on my desk. He’s smart and a nice person. It’s not the issue. It’s the social climbing.

The reason I called it « soft tasking » is because he disguises it as favour he asks me but does not name it as a favour (« request »). So it is also credit erasing. Also he peppers it with « please » and he’s tone of voice was deferring in his voice message. So he’s massaging my ego to get what he wants. He does the same with other higher ups (« hey boss! »).

So basically it’s tasking disguised as asking for a favour mixed with warmth and submissive signals. But in the end it is tasking.

Also the « thanks for doing that » is the soft tasking we use with residents as attendings.

So basically I’m going to low effort execute (give him the name and contact of the family). Since he’s not acknowledging the service in the pre-frame (puts himself below to ask, puts himself above as soon as I accepted) I’m going to stress the favour given (« I’m happy to help you » and challenge with: but couldn’t it wait until Monday? »).

I think this all started when I rendered him the service with the envelope. He couldn’t go to the post office and I assumed it was an urgent matter. He said I’ll give you 1.6 chf. And I said you don’t owe me anything. I think I was too desperate to prove myself to be a good colleague and I labeled myself as a sucker. And now he takes advantage of it.

So now when he’s going to ask me a service I’m going to challenge him as if he cannot find another solution.