Former Community – We Moved
🆕 Coached community here, for posts & feedback public community here.
Player gets angry at me as the coach. Should have I checked it?
Hi Guys
I have a question.
Last night we had a training Session with my footballteam, At one time, I didn't award a goal and our best players startet screaming at me ( he said something like are you serious? )
My Co-Trainer immediately stepped in and did a gesture towards him which says "shh" and one player even called him out saying "hey, how do you speak to the coach like that" and then he calmed down. (Actually this shows my status in this team as others start to defend in my Name)
What did I do? Nothing. I let it slide. I acted like I did't hear it. Why? Because, for real, It didn't offend me. Like I really Didn't give a shit. A knee Jerk reaction doenst put me off balance.
But Somehow, from a power dynamic point of view, I feel I should've had intervened it myself. I think I made a mistake there. Because others saw how one player (Hes our best player in the squad but anyway) can talk to the coach like that. Did my unreactiveness may harm the way my team look at me? Or did it damage my reputation? Im really not sure...
Everyone feel free to share their point of view :)
Kind regards
Luli
Hello Luli,
you're fine. You don't need to personally check power moves. In this case, people did it for you. As you said, this shows your status and influence. It means that people respect you so much that they did the job for you. That's power. So you might feel as if you had to check it yourself and it shows weakness. This is the ego speaking I think (happened to me as well). It's actually the opposite. You showed restrain.
A small possible improvement would have to do an open hand sign or a small head nod to the people who protected you. They did it out of respect and I think acknwoledging this respect is important. You can tell them afterwards as well: "About the other day, thanks". He might not know immediately, but eventually will. Just keeping it very low key but acknowledging it.
Agree not checking can be very powerful.
It's the fly higher" approach, after all -and you had the good mindset about it 👍-
BUT...
It also depends on your current standing there:
- If people and the team generally respect you, then you fly higher
- If they don't fully respect you, then you just fail to check disrespect
The fact other folks intervened can be a great sign.
By the way:
the guy intervening to police the team and defending you: that's the type of team member you wanna be.
Helping the team stay cohesive AND support the leader at the time of need.
The first is a win for the team and the leader, the second is a win for him.
Huge win-win, and the mindset and approach of empowered team members.
Need ot make a note on PU about this.
Yeah, I think my Ego intervened here. You just can't completely ban your ego right? :D
Thanks for the tipp with the aknowledgement. I did it now via text message and they did appreciate it. I'll now remember it for the next time.
Fortunately for me, my standing in the team is sensational. I get along with my team exceptionaly well and whatever I say or I do, the team is behind me. Being an expert in my field helps a lot and to have solid social competence (I motivate a lot, I empower, push them and aknowledge when they did something good). Its not really rocket science, just common sense.
Thank you guys for your imput. Appreciate it a lot :)
Quote from Luli92 on January 11, 2024, 8:54 amYeah, I think my Ego intervened here. You just can't completely ban your ego right? 😀
I'm aware it's a rethorical question. I'll comment on this though: we cannot, that's why it's good to be aware when this happens. Hence my feed-back. Sometimes the ego is necessary. We want it to be triggered at the appropriate time. The ego is our defense mechanism so we need to train it appropriately. The ego is good and is our friend. Just have to train it. That's my perspective.
Thanks for the tipp with the aknowledgement. I did it now via text message and they did appreciate it. I'll now remember it for the next time.
Small comment on that: for that kind of thing I recommend to do it in person. It's a bonding opportunity through respect and credit giving. And those have more impact in real life IMO.
