Quote from B on June 17, 2023, 12:04 pm

Hi Guys,

piggybacking on this great thread here by Lucio, John, Kavalier and Matthew (whose contents I absorbed, learned from and incorporated), some sparse thoughts about dressing I reflected on during the latest months.

No pretense of completeness here, and no pretense of being "right" - just unedited thoughts (mostly relevant to my path).

Beginner thoughts, as I found out I did not know much about this until recently. Taylored mostly to formerly submissive people, as I was.

Learn how the different style combinations work.

There are different styles of dressing for different occasions:

• comfortable casual
• work-out
• smart casual
• business casual
• business
• formal occasions (marriages, black ties)

A mistake I used to make is thinking that each subsequent style is better than the preceding one.

For example, I used to think that dressing "business" was "better" than dressing to "work-out". But this was a myth of mine.

In fact, one can dress "better" and "worse" in each style.

One can dress "work-out" with shoddy, unfitting, badly put-together clothes - and one can dress "work-out" in perfectly fitting, upscale, manly clothes.

And the same for each "style combination".

And by the way - the best "style combination" is the most appropriate for whatever one is doing.

Always dress well.

My family "taught me" to use badly fitting, worn out clothes when at home, when working out, when casual - in other words, whenever I was not at work.

Now I believe this is a serious mistake.

At home, one should dress equally "as well" - though possibly in a different style combination, more "comfortable casual" - as when one goes out.

When one works out, one should dress equally as well as when one is on work - though in a different style combination.

Meaning: no old, ill-fitting, worn-out, faded clothes. No items found in an easter egg.

Dressing in ill-fitting, worn out clothes at home (or when working out) also diminishes self-esteem. And subconsciously turns off partners.

Avoid mistakes.

95% of dressing well is avoiding mistakes.

Some are universal:

Badly fitting clothes are the first mistake.

Bad color combinations, or bad pieces of clothing combinations, are the second mistake.

Study how clothes should fit, and how they are combined (color-wise and item-wise).

One mistake I used to make: using "dress shirts" as "casual shirts".

In fact, there is a difference between "dress shirts" and "casual shirts".

Dress shirts are meant to be always tucked in.

They cannot be worn out of the trousers, because their lower rim is too long (to avoid they might come out of the pants).

Casual shirts can be worn out of the trousers, as their lower rim is shorter and ends (at most) at the bottom of the fly.

Dress like a man, not a boy.

Some mistakes are more specific.

As a man, I think these are mistakes:

• dressing like a boy

This includes items of clothing to avoid at all costs: graphic t-shirts (ie with big logos, or multicolor, or with pictures, or with graphic patterns), distressed jeans, hoodies, too many bright colors, clothes with big visible luxury trademarks (which subcommunicate "showing off"), and... umbrellas :-)

Better to dress in plain, single color clothes (preferably in neutral colors), without graphics.

My preferences:

For casual, short-sleeved t-shirts, short or long sleeved henleys, long sleeved shirts, dark-wash or black jeans, tan chinos, maybe tan shorts in the summer if it's hot.

For casual, I prefer darker colors (black, blue, tan).

T-shirts should be short sleeved, not long sleeved. If long sleeved, pull the sleeves slightly up to expose a quarter of the arm.

Shirts should be long-sleeved. One can roll up sleeves for a more casual look, but in doing so follow a method (google it): do not roll up sleeves "as it comes".

No undershirts showing out of shirt's necks.

Sweaters are good as long as they fit well.

For business, my opinion is that the best colors for suits are grey, black, and navy. Best colors for ties are blue, red, charcoal. Best shirts for business are white and light blue.

Now the above are "conservative rules" of mine.

If one knows what he's doing, one can project power and manliness even with other clothes or colors.

But I believe that dressing like a boy (unconsciously) turns off women and other men even if one is "young" and they are "young" as well.

In fact, there are studies that show that younger women are more attracted (compared to older women) to same-age men who dress like men.

• wearing worn-out clothes

Any stains, holes, fading, wear and tear: throw it out.

Just a single faded spot on a piece of clothing subcommunicates one doesn't get it.

• neglecting a piece of the outfit

Shoes, for example.

A common mistake is wearing running shoes with jeans.

One can wear sneakers with jeans, but they should not be running shoes - rather, they should be general-purpose casual, leather sneakers.

Another mistake is wearing every piece of clothing in pristine good condition, but (for instance) keeping old worn-out socks.

It will subconsciously affect one's entire demeanor and actions.

Never neglect any piece of clothing, including those that are normally invisible.

• not wearing a watch

And it (generally) should not be a Swatch or an Apple watch (facepalm!), but an analog, elegant metal watch. It projects power.

Note that there are rules as to how to combine which watch with which clothes as well.

• wearing too many accessories

Maximum one accessory, and better to avoid it at work.

Ie one bracelet.

No ten-bracelets on one wrist.

• wearing unattractive pieces of clothing

There are studies and articles on what is attractive for men, and what is not, as to single pieces of clothing.

For example, as to men's underwear, the most attractive pieces (to women) are trunks and boxer briefs.

If in doubt, ask a person of the opposite sex if an outfit is "yes or no".

Don't focus on the reasoning though, unless the person consciously knows how to dress well.

Dress as commonly considered "good" at all times: in other words, avoid "time-specific trends" or "bold statements", and stick with what works and has been time-tested

In my opinion, dressing well within the bounds of commonly considered "good dressing" is better than wanting to make "bold statements" of non-conformity.

But, don't subscribe to short-term "trends". Baggy clothes, for example, are a short-term trend to be avoided.

Dressing well requires conscious effort, but brings about automatic returns as it is picked up unconsciously from others.

In other words: if a person is dressed badly, everyone will notice.

They may not be able to explain why he is dressed badly (in fact, most often they will point out something else as the "reason"), but they will automatically respect him less.

Conversely, if a person is well-dressed, everyone will also notice.

They may not be able to pinpoint that it is due to him dressing well, but they will automatically respect him more.

And play less power moves on him.

Study resources on dressing well.

There are lots of blogs online teaching how to dress well.

A very good one is The Modest Man blog: it's been my first resource in this area in the latest months.

This is social science in and of itself: there are so many concepts to know.

Layering, versatility, fit...