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She shamed single dads...

See if you spot the power move.

It's a description from a dating app:

She this "I'm so great", slightly bragging profile, and then:

I promise I won't judge you if...

you are a single dad as long as you are not married tho, but hopefully you only have one child and not one or two or more children. I have a child & I am a single mom

Ali Scarlett, John Freeman and 2 other users have reacted to this post.
Ali ScarlettJohn FreemanKavalierBel
Have you read the forum guidelines for effective communication already?

She's framing single dads as getting an "exception" from her policy of only dating single unmarried, childless guys, thus posing as the "judge" - while she's a single mom herself.

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Lucio BuffalmanoAli ScarlettJohn FreemanKavalier

Yep, exactly.

It's a "switching the power tables" power move -in this case, "switching the judge tables"-.

There is another covert power move as well:

Covert virtue signaling

Notice the covert virtue-signaling self-description:

 as long as you are not married tho, but hopefully you only have one child and not one or two or more children.

What she is saying is:

I am not married and I only have one.

There's nothing genuine in her original description.

"Single dads" are rare.
They're probably even rarer on dating apps and true white flies to have several kids while the mother(s) bailed.

So there was (close to) zero need for her to field an honest requirement.

Instead, she knows that single mothers pay a price in the dating market.
But either because it's an insecurity of hers she can't admit or because she wants to date higher power and take advantage of some poor schmucks, she display her saving graces, without framing them as saving graces -but as a power move-.

BTW, I swiped right and matched with her for learning's sake.
If she texts I want to find out if it's a power move out of insecurity and fearing judgment, or if she's just a game player.

Ali Scarlett, John Freeman and 3 other users have reacted to this post.
Ali ScarlettJohn FreemanTransitionedKavalierBel
Have you read the forum guidelines for effective communication already?

I promise I won't judge you if...

Judge power move, she frames herself as the chooser. It's also a covert/indirect statement as the assertive way would be to say: "I'm looking for this and not that"

you are a single dad

This might be a power move. She's a single mom but implies that single dads are inferior/below her: "You could be good enough for me even if you're a single dad" (which is framed as negative so she also self-frames herself negatively).

as long as you are not married tho,

When I see this, it makes me think that the woman had the experience of dating married men and don't want to experience it again. So it's a bit of a red flag for me as it signals she has been able to be decevied, so to me this signals a certain level of desperation or naivety

but hopefully you only have one child and not one or two or more children.

This is a bit strange to me: so 1 child ok but 2 is not?

I have a child & I am a single mom

I think her being a single mom with a child sends mixed signals: I am ok but not ok with single dads.

(I haven't read your answers yet as I post this)

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Lucio BuffalmanoTransitioned
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