Taking the judge role with one word
Quote from Transitioned on April 14, 2021, 5:21 amBack on original topic. I ve had two female colleagues who if you are explaining something will say: "correct"
Or
"That's fine"
And yes they were both sly and manipulative generally
Is this one of those small annoyances you have to let go by?
You might let it go by, yes, but you can also take several steps to reclaim some power back and/or to teach and show them that they better drop it with you.
For example:
- The joking approach
Her: That's fine
You: (turning towards her, with a slight smile) good, now that you say it, I feel better (put a hand on her arm, so you don't totally break rapport, it's dominant, but it's also friendly as if to say "I know what you're doing and it's annoying, but still, I'm warning you in a very non-aggressive way). Jokes aside... (back to serious, keep going)
- The group leverage
Her: That's fine
You: (turning towards the group, with a slight smile) now that Francesca says it, we know we're all good (smile again to yourself). Jokes aside (keep going)
- The high power annoyed reaction
Her: Correct
You: Yeah, thanks for confirming Francesca (point towards her, in handshake position, the movement is choppy, as if you wanted to say "shut the fuck up", but are still keeping it professional)...
Like that, you draw attention to her power move.
She knows that you know, that you don't appreciate, that you're not an easy target, that she is souring the relationship if she keeps it up, and that you might potentially escalate it if she keeps on doing it.
IF THEY ESCALATE OR HIT BACK
Albeit unlikely, it's possible she might escalate here.
If she does, as you might guess, it's crucial that you don't defend or backtrack.
Instead, you surface her power move saying something like "yeah, look, nothing personal, but when you say that, it feels patronizing, like you're trying to give your blessing to people that, quite frankly, don't exactly need your blessing and reassurance. You know what I mean?".
Then stick to your guns: it's her who was being out of line, not you.
- The trap
Her: Correct
You: Well, actually, not necessarily, it's a complex issue and I'm simplifying, but anyway...
Your detour's main purpose serves the only goal of denying her "correct" power move.
In the example above, it also slightly shames her, as if to say "don't go around saying "correct" to people, because you don't know shit about this, so let me, who has the authority to talk about it, explain it"
Quote from Transitioned on April 14, 2021, 5:21 amBTW thank you PU. Until I learnt about the judge role I had no idea why this annoyed me and thought I was imagining things.
Rock on, Transitioned!