Quote from Matthew Whitewood on November 28, 2021, 5:55 pm

Option 2 seems good.
It makes you come across with personal agency and yet focused on the overall goal of scoring for the team.

Option 1 may come across as overly sensitive and not focused on team goals.
That's the issue of rebuking tasking when it's towards the team goals.

In football, you have to be fast and coordinate people fast.
In a sense, short, direct statements are preferred.
Also, if you play with this group of people often, trust and rapport develop so being direct is more acceptable.

If you think what he suggests is good, it's okay to follow his suggestion.
If you think he's making a bad suggestion, then you can act your own way.
Overall, if you come across as a person who is interpreting the situation independently and acting with personal agency, you should come across fine.

Situation: In this situation I am losing balls, missing pass, maybe not running enough.

If you are one of the better team members in terms of skills and coordination, then naturally people would listen to you on tactics and strategies off the field and on the field.

If you are holding back the team in some way, then people may try to "get you up to speed" via telling you what to do on the field.

People: The issue could be coming from him because I paid attention and he is also doing this with others.

At the same time, there are definitely overly competitive and obnoxious people in sports.
So you have to judge whether this teammate is being too obsessed with winning, competing and dominating.
You can observe his interactions and relationships with the other teammates.

Sports is also a good way to learn to deal with a collaborative yet competitive environment.
It brings out both sides in people.
You also learn how to deal with losses and wins.
You can celebrate wins and feel sad about losses but still not get too attached or carried away.

Overall Points to Consider

1. Are you helping the team?
   • Your tactical skills
   • Your situational awareness and coordination with others
2. Your own social behaviour - do you come across as confident and friendly?
3. How other teammates treat you in general?
4. How this individual treats you regularly?
5. Are people's behaviour on the field similar to outside the field (having drinks, eating, etc)?
   • Football is usually competitive so people are direct and maybe more aggressive when playing

Describing & Analysing Social Events

I think you're trying to get a framework first and mould the social situation to fit whatever framework you have in mind.
The issue is that it becomes a list of points and is hard to follow.
Some important details could be lost too.
It's also possible that you are forcing yourself to come up with unimportant points.

You could try to describe the social situation as how you would normally when telling someone about your football session.
It could be challenging at first to observe and recall everything.
Although your mind will become increasingly atuned towards social cues as you practise.

After writing down the situation, writing the points would be helpful.
These pointers would serve as snapshots of your analysis.

Essentially,

• Observe and write down
• Interpret and analyse your observations
• Think about possibilities and what could be improved

If you are playing football or socialising, then you could observe and go with the flow.
Analyse more when you're alone.
If you over-analyse while socialising, you could lose the flow, and you end up losing the chance of observing the nuances.

Quote from Mathieu on November 28, 2021, 8:55 pm

Hi Matthew,

Thank you for the feedback.

I have been writing down my observations, I interpreted and analyzed.

After writing down the situation, writing the points would be helpful.
These pointers would serve as snapshots of your analysis.

Just one question Matthew: I am not sure, what do you mean by pointers? Could you name a few?

Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on November 29, 2021, 3:45 am

Another important diagnostic question on top of the great answer ou got from Matthew:

• Is this guy above you, below you, or around the same level?

If he's above you, is he officially so, like for example team captain?
If that's the case, it's normal he tasks you.

If he's above you non-officially, but for obvious non-official terms, for example, he's more experienced, or much more skilled, then it's also not that bad.
And I'd also ask myself Matthew's questions at this point: how does he behave with others, and was he right to tell you what he said.

If he's around your same level or even below you, that's when N.1 can start making sense.
Or you might even go to him and tell him "make, we're teammates, we play together, and we both wanna win. But I'd rather win without you yelling at me".
If he objects, say that you know what you're supposed to do as much as he does, and you don't want a babysitter in the pitch.

Quote from Mathieu on November 29, 2021, 12:51 pm

Hi Lucio,

That's awesome. Thank you.

Quote from Matthew Whitewood on November 29, 2021, 5:43 pm

Just one question Matthew: I am not sure, what do you mean by pointers? Could you name a few?

Maybe I could have explained this in a better way.

The post comes across as analysing social situations like an engineering manager who ticks off points for quality assurance for a chemical plant but doesn't describe the details or organise the points coherently.

It seems like

• Frame control - he is dominant (checked)
• Power dynamics - you don't behave in a high-power manner (checked)
• Mindset - don't let him get under your skin (checked)

Using points and frameworks can be very useful.
But it should facilitate rather than hinder the recordings of your observations.

That's why I thought that describing the situation in a story-like manner could give better coherency and context.

The process could be

• Use point form to help recall information - who is involved, what happened, etc
• Try to piece together these points into a coherent narrative
• Draw conclusions in point form

This will help in painting a good context of the social situation.

It also helps us to understand your situation and chip in with relevant thoughts.

At the moment, all I understand is

Someone is ordering you around in a way that you feel is disrespectful while playing football.