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Technique: Push-pull

Hello guys,

on the attachment scale: I'm more on the anxious side, moving more and more to the secure. That being said, I noticed that I'm still a bit needy when it comes to momen. That means that I lost my "player vibe" with self-development and I'm a bit rusted. I used to easily kiss girls just by saying "come here" when I felt like it and now I feel like I'm a beginner again.

I'm "pulling" too much and not "pushing" enough. That was my difficulty and still is.

So my question is: how do you guys use "push-pull". I noticed that when I'm attracted to a girl I do it naturally by teasing her but still I'm pulling too much, talking too much. Instead of letting her talk more and pushing more.

Any thoughts on this?


Stef has reacted to this post.

we have something about push-pull in this thread.

Lucio Buffalmano has reacted to this post.
Lucio Buffalmano


And new power dynamics definition, by the way:

  • Aggressive push-pull

Attack first, assert dominance, then rebuild rapport.

Great technique, I've seen it used in real life more than once.
Can you spot when the man in the video uses it?

  • Stef:

That little change in order may seem for some as a small detail, yet the devil is in the details...

it seems to work so much better than the classical pull-push, it just leave people with a sweet aftertaste to crave and remember that comes as a resolution to social tension from someone they already respect as a force to be reckoned.

And how sweeter it is to get a kiss when you are expecting a hard slap in the face!


Great analysis, Stef!

Indeed, to avoid breaking rapport too much it's far better to one-up and rebuild rapport, than the other way around.

And the power effect for push-puller is pretty much the same, if not greater.

Lucio Buffalmano and John Freeman have reacted to this post.
Lucio BuffalmanoJohn Freeman

Hey John,

It's challenging to give proper feedback without looking at interactions.

As a general note though, some of the pick-up artists that teach and shoot videos sometimes overdo the push-pull when it's not strictly needed.

So the first three cases for when you don't need push-pull:

1. No Push-Pull if she's already attracted

For example, if the girl likes you and is investing, then what's a push-pull supposed to accomplish? It might increase attraction, true but it might as well make you come across as overly-gamey or even confrontational.
It can also make you come across as low value, since you feel the need to sort of one-up her.

2. No push-pull later on in the interaction

If you two are sticking together, and things are progressing well, then push-pull is also unneeded.

3. No push-pull if you know each other

If you already know each other and you previous had more normal conversations, than it feels like you're switching gears and now you're trying to game her and win her over if you change tack.

4. Yes push-pull early on (& if you approached her)

It's early on, especially if you approached, that you want to avoid too much pulling/compliments, as that would slot you too much in the "suitor" category and give her all the power.

5. Yes push-pull if she's not investing yet

If she's acting aloof or superior, it can mean that she also thinks she is superior.

Compliments in this case only make the situation worse, as she will think "of course he likes me, I'm superior".

That's why going more indirect can be a good idea with attractive women since they are more likely to think they're above you and that you are chasing her.

On the other hand, her attractiveness doens't matter anymore once she's investing or complying. So again, overdoing the push-pull with an already cooperative woman is more likely to poison the interaction than to help.

Easy technique: add "but I'm not sure" right after the pull

An easy and intuitive way of not overdoing the pull/compliment is to add a conditional statement right after after it.

For example:

You: I like that you smile a lot you know, you seem like a really happy person, and I like happy people. Of course, I can't be 100% sure as I've just met you, maybe it's just the drinks ahaha. (let her smile, too, or deny being drunk, which means she is qualifying to you)


You: I like women with a good style, and you seem to have a great sense of fashion. Of course, I've just seen you once so far, so I can't be sure. But so far, so good (judge power move)


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And as well what Stef quoted.

Pushing first and pulling later is smoother, since you avoid the risks of offending her, of making the interaction too confrontational, or of looking overly gamey.

You can also embed it in normal conversation, so it looks less gamey and higher-power:

Her: sorry, my English is not good
You: yes, maybe your English is not perfect, but you speak two more languages, and I respect that. I know how hard it is to learn new languages, I have been there myself with a few languages (self-promotional power move, plus baiting her to ask more about you)

With this interaction, you place yourself above her, but pull her back up enough as if to say "but you're still good enough for me so far because you make up points in this other area".


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KellvoJohn FreemanStefselffriend
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Thank you! I'll let you know how it went with these.

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