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Tension in person after a girl from school blew me off via text
Hi recently bought your book dating power dynamic which was extremely insightful as a teenager.I’m confused what to do.
Text
me:Hi
her:Hi?
Me:I’m gay
me:Just kidding
me:hey I think your beautiful, do you want to go on a date?
her:sorry I like someone from another school right now
me:Oh well it was worth A try,Thanks for replying
Now after that we kept meeting each other randomly and that lead to akwardness.Now we keep gazing at each other.She also sat next to me in the library full of computers yet she chose one right next to me tho I didn’t talk to her,I just left?
now there is a very strong tension between us because even don’t we don’t talk to each other, we stare at each other.I kinda still like her but I’m confused what to do.
The texting could have been better.
A few notes on it:
- right after she said "hi?" it was bad, as if to say "who are you" or "why are you texting"?
- "I'm gay", it was uncalled for. It's OK to joke about one's sexuality, but there should be a context
- It's OK to compliment girls, but it should come for a good reason and ideally after they've shown interst or invested. The "I think you're beautiful" was too early
- The date invite was out of the blue, too quick
Once she sat close to you it was totally OK to say "hi" the fact that she chose the place next to you seemed like an invite for you to talk to her.
But the main issue here is that teenagers tend to make a big deal out of everything status-related.
And schools, with their unnatural gathering of a high number of teenagers forced to be there, only exacerbate the phenomenon.
Ideally, you want to take a more stoic outlook on life. Realize nothing is a big deal.
Chances are you will get there with age, but if you want to accelerate the process meditation can help, and reflecting on your mortality. Once you internalize that in a blink of an eye you will be dust, and that girl will be dust, and nobody will even care you -or I- have ever lived, then you will naturally care less about what someone thinks of you.
That's the big picture.
Now on this girl, next time she stares at you, I would probably just say "hi" and then start talking to her like it's normal.
Maybe even just say "so how is it going with that guy you like", and smile.
Hey Lucio,I followed your starter of so how is it going with the guy you like.It worked miracles.Thanks.Although she doesn’t want to be in a relationship right now she said.Thanks it really helped me with the tension and akwardness.Now I can have a casual conversation with her now.Should I just move on or should I pursue.Thanks.
Though when I had a conversation with her at lunch she seemed reserved and a bit uncomfortable.And I felt pressure to answer questions coming from her
Great job man!
When I wrote it I was thinking "maybe it's too advanced... But worst-case scenario he'll still learn".
But it seems like you handled and delivered it well, well done.
It's OK to answer questions if it's part of a dialogue.
Answer something, then ask something back, that's how you get to know people. For a period I used to focus on "sharing little and getting to know about others as much as possible".
Very bad strategy if you take it to an extreme: people feel "sucked dry" and like you're taking all their life without sharing. Listen more than you talk, but don't forget that people also wanna hear from you and get to know you.
Today I developed a natural feel for when "it's getting too much for others and I should share some more".
If you're not a natural at social and emotional intelligence, it will take some to get there, but keep on socializing and reflecting on it, and you'll get there.
If I were in your shoes I would "pursue without pursuing".
Such as: she's in your social circle, so it costs you little to keep an eye on her.
And if she shows signs of liking you or the situation arises, then you go for it.
But to keep an eye on a woman you like while still moving on at the same time is a bit more advanced.
So choosing between the two, I'd advise you to move on.
