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"That's a good question": judge role

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I think your example is quite on topic Matthew, and it actually enhances it.

In this case, considering the whole interaction and since you're at the same level, it does set him up above you.
I wouldn't have liked it in this case.

The one way where it could have been value-adding is if it had said that as if to say "wow, I would have not thought of those, well done for coming up with these great ideas that wouldn't have otherwise been on the table".

But if he's just judging and rewarding, then I wouldn't have liked it.

Matthew Whitewood has reacted to this post.
Matthew Whitewood
Have you read the forum guidelines for effective communication already?

Thanks Lucio.

Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on March 22, 2021, 4:29 pm

In this case, considering the whole interaction and since you're at the same level, it does set him up above you.
I wouldn't have liked it in this case.

But if he's just judging and rewarding, then I wouldn't have liked it.

I didn't like it as well :).
Something felt wrong.

Especially since he asked for help and input.
It does set up a dynamic where I am expected to contribute these good inputs when requested.

How to Counter the Good Question Statement

I think that I could have gone for a leader-like statement to end off the interaction:

Me: I understand this better.
Here are a list of questions.

Him: All good questions Matthew.

Me: Yes, these questions will help us get the right information.
I'm happy to see how we are moving along with the cold outreach. (I have been pushing for this)

Side Note About Practising Power Dynamics

I realised what you said about having situations to practise power dynamics is very true.
Especially for the more common ones like "good question".
It comes up quite a lot, whether I like it or not.
And when we talk about a topic, my brain automatically looks for that topic.

From the thread Seduction University Differences

Thanks a lot and keep up the great work!

I was wondering if the dynamics here is similar to that of "that's a good question".

My Interpretation

I interpret this as

I get a lot of value out of your work. (Gives credit)
Thank you for that. (Show gratitude)
I would like to continue enjoying your work and also your future works. (Expects to continue to get value)

Overall, I think the statement builds Lucio up.
Although inherently there's always some element of judge dynamics when saying "great" or "good".

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Lucio Buffalmanoselffriend

Hey Matthew,

Yeah, there is an element of judge.

Even more than emotional judge though, it's a covert power move and a power-up self-frame.
In the "covert power moves" I think there is an entry for these types of exhortation, falling under the "you can do it" category.

There is a component of status and placement in the power hierarchy.

The person who says "keeps up the great work" is placing himself at the same level of the person doing the work.
Or even higher.

It's the body language equivalent of a pat on the back and saying "go ahead pal".

However, it's not a major one.
It's become a standard sentence, and it doesn't take much power away from you -unless you believe that someone should place himself below you, that in some cases, might be an appropriate expectation-.

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selffriend
Have you read the forum guidelines for effective communication already?
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