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The judge role in dating
Hello everyone,
as I'm currently learning, I might be too sensitive to judge power moves or have a misunderstanding of the dynamics. In dating, we now know that the power shifts between the man and woman during different phases (PU).
What I've been experimenting with is to sometime purposefully and strategically let the other person have the judge role. For instance at the end of the interaction, I put myself deliberately and strategically in a submissive position if it is warranted: "I will do that" (and leave a blank) so the person naturally says: "Very good/Perfect!". So I sub-communicate as loud as possible: "You're the boss, I'm the subordinate". Of course I don't do it with equals. I recently did it with experienced/older people who don't have hierarchical power over me but have some other kind of power over me (ruining my reputation, making my time schedule).
Now, to go back to dating:
Here is a shortened version of a conversation on Tinder (not the actual one):
Me: I do rock climbing
Her: Great hobby (I put a heart on her answer, here the "great" is a judge power move if I'm not mistaken)
Her: My turn to ask a question, what is your ideal relationship?
Me: blablabla
Me: I like very much your concepts and I rejoin you on them. I would add each other's independence. So in summary.... (here, if I'm not mistaken it's another judge power move (I like ...), she summarizes (leader-like, right?), she builds collaboration afterwards though)
The previous concept I learned in seduction is that you want to set yourself as the judge. However, since the woman has more power in the first phase of dating, it seems to me it would fit to let her be the judge. In this way she would feel more comfortable.
As I recently learned, if I would work to try to regain the judge position, I might antagonize her, is that correct?
For me, I have to say that currently when a woman takes the judge role/leader role, it's unattractive to me. I might be totally off, that's how I currently feel.
As the frame is: "prove to me that you're relationship worthy". I play the game because it's on Tinder. However, the frame is already off as I don't even know if I'm attracted to her.
I made progress on this Tinder thing but I have a long way to go, see my confusion. When I'm in these positions, I strategically answer to make the relationship move forward but in this case I don't feel anything towards her. So I'm doing this for training purpose.
Happy to hear your opinions on this!
Happy to add my 2 cents worth with my usual disclaimers in 'dating'. I m way out of date - 7 years so!
And I m ignorant. I think I bought SU at one point to support Lucio s business which has given us so much but never read it.
I think you always have to start with comfort. Women are wired to be very sensitive to threats and to disqualify low value males, hence the early shit tests.
On comfort look at two women first meeting. Lot of agreeing and saying the other is wonderful and trying to gather info.
I think you can use the same pattern here.
When she asks ideal relationship say one where we have fun and get to really know each other better over time.
BTW if she s too interview mode u can lightly call it out here. Ideal relationship? Well i've always wanted a hot recorder lady like you? Reporter? Well you are so good at asking interesting questions.
Anyway more seriously blah blah
Then start adding tails. If she says I really want a man who takes me places. Say yea it's so cool to sometimes just take off for a day trip no planning just go. When did you last do that? (Yr playing to a female fantasy here of course the man has planned).
But don't forget the overall game. Get her off her phone and on a date. Keep the focus on her and lil bit of info on you. And cut the interaction short. It's a trailer not the movie.
Quote from John Freeman on September 6, 2022, 11:46 amAs I recently learned, if I would work to try to regain the judge position, I might antagonize her, is that correct?
For me, I have to say that currently when a woman takes the judge role/leader role, it's unattractive to me. I might be totally off, that's how I currently feel.
Certainly possible.
The "correct" way of doing it, is to do it, without antagonizing her, or even making it a good/fun experience.
It's still possible some women may call it out and antagonize to no end, but that's also good: better to find out early on. Some people just aren't cut for mutually satisfactory relationships.
However, your idea of not going power-up in order to move the relationship forward is great (in my note in what to add next to SU is a lesson on the mistakes of the "alpha game" that was very popular these days and consists in seeking power all the time, but losing opportunities left and right).
That's where advanced skill is: walking the line between not being too disempowering that she loses attraction or doesn't want to move forward, and not going too power up that you sour the relationship.
Generally speaking, as long as the interaction keeps on going, you have all the opportunities in the world to make up and regain power (especially if you then meeting and person and/or it turns into dating and/or a relationship).
However, your idea of not going power-up in order to move the relationship forward is great
Thanks for your feed-back. It did work as now we exchange on WhatsApp and she's all giddy and leaving me audio messages with emotional voice. It seems she thinks we're already boyfriend/girlfriend by her demeanour.
I'll write a thread in the near future about this approach as I have new ideas regarding this.
