Quote from John Freeman on August 4, 2023, 7:50 pm

Hello,

I notice I make a big leadership mistake with residents. I let them conclude the interaction. I now know why. It's because I seek other people's approval. That's the root cause. It's painful to admit but it's true. It also gives the impression that I'm not efficient with my time since I'm not ready to move on to the next thing.

Example from today:

1. Power seeker resident asks my advice
2. I give it to her and lead her to take a picture for more information
3. Sends me the picture
4. I call her to give her my conclusions
5. I say: "here you go" with a high-pitch voice and leave a silence (submissive behaviour, waiting for an emotional reward)
6. She says: "very good"
7. I say: "very good"

So it's the whole underpinning dynamics that is not working. I realize that I'm at a stage where I have to internalize that I'm their chief.

I'm now in the position where I'm the one supposed to give emotional rewards.

I have to admit that this power seeker resident's self-confidence (even if she has less experience than me) gives her certainty. I do have the same certainty in my advice but I'm seeking approval from her because she seems so certain (even if she's not). So it's bad but I prefer to look it as what it is than to not learn and grow.

As Lucio said, working with her is full of lessons.

During the meeting this morning I was leading it and it was fine. However when I'm with someone who makes me doubt of my own legitimacy because of insecurity in my legitimacy I start to follow their lead emotionally.

It's like I'm asking: "is my advice good enough?", "is the knowledge that I provide good enough?", "am I good enough of a leader?" which ultimately is akin to asking: "am I good enough?".

So that shows again that leadership starts from the inside. The holes in our self-development become the holes in our leadership and in our professional skills.

So to come back to the topic at hand:

As much as the leader summarizes, the leader also concludes or say when we move on to the next topic. If one is not the person doing that one is not leading at this particular moment in time.