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The proper answer to "How much was it"

#1 · September 29, 2021, 2:34 pm

Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on September 29, 2021, 2:34 pm
Such a common question:
How much did you pay for it
Since it's a personal question, you often lose some power in answering it.
And especially so if there is a group of people (exceptions apply depending on personality, so if you're always very open about anything, it's OK to answer).
That's for the power dynamics.
But even if we look at it in terms of socialization and inclusion you lose out because:
Too high number says "you're NOT one of us": either you're too wealthy or you over-spend on things people wouldn't spend on. If the number is too high, it creates a feeling of "you're not one of us
Too low number says "you're poor and NOT one of us": either you're too poor, or you don't care about the things the people in that group care about. Either way, you're not "one of them"
Too great a "steal" can arise frenemy feelings: if it was a great deal you got, people can resent you if you found things they overpaid for. Overpaying is one of the things that almost universally bothers people (and one of the reasons why this website doesn't do discounts and discount codes)
Exceptions always apply and sometimes, you can gain with a precise number as your answer.
For example, if you got a great deal and people think you're smart, or if a high number gives you status.
But you can gain the same benefits even without a number.
If it's obviously a great thing people are admiring, then you look even superior when you say you don't even remember the price.
And if it was a great deal, you can say it was a great deal even though you don't remember the exact price.
How to Answer It
The way I like to answer is:
Him: How much did you pay for this
Me: I don't remember the exact price, but... (whatever works best for the situation, ie.: "I remember it was not the cheapest, but I just liked it so much because...", which shifts attention away from price, and goes back to higher-order topics that show your personality and attitude)
However, that doesn't fly if it's a big-ticket item.
Then if you say you don't remember it either looks like you're flexing and potentially lying, or like you're an idiot for doing important investments without proper analysis.
So this is my stock answer:
Him: How much did you pay for this flat
Me: You know what, before buying anything important I do mad research. But once I decide to buy it, the decision is made. The price to me becomes a thing of the past and I forget about it
Now you sound both strategic-smart and enlightened philosopher type, "above" matters of mere money.

Such a common question:

How much did you pay for it

Since it's a personal question, you often lose some power in answering it.
And especially so if there is a group of people (exceptions apply depending on personality, so if you're always very open about anything, it's OK to answer).

That's for the power dynamics.

But even if we look at it in terms of socialization and inclusion you lose out because:

Too high number says "you're NOT one of us": either you're too wealthy or you over-spend on things people wouldn't spend on. If the number is too high, it creates a feeling of "you're not one of us
Too low number says "you're poor and NOT one of us": either you're too poor, or you don't care about the things the people in that group care about. Either way, you're not "one of them"
Too great a "steal" can arise frenemy feelings: if it was a great deal you got, people can resent you if you found things they overpaid for. Overpaying is one of the things that almost universally bothers people (and one of the reasons why this website doesn't do discounts and discount codes)

Exceptions always apply and sometimes, you can gain with a precise number as your answer.
For example, if you got a great deal and people think you're smart, or if a high number gives you status.

But you can gain the same benefits even without a number.
If it's obviously a great thing people are admiring, then you look even superior when you say you don't even remember the price.
And if it was a great deal, you can say it was a great deal even though you don't remember the exact price.

How to Answer It

The way I like to answer is:

Him: How much did you pay for this
Me: I don't remember the exact price, but... (whatever works best for the situation, ie.: "I remember it was not the cheapest, but I just liked it so much because...", which shifts attention away from price, and goes back to higher-order topics that show your personality and attitude)

However, that doesn't fly if it's a big-ticket item.

Then if you say you don't remember it either looks like you're flexing and potentially lying, or like you're an idiot for doing important investments without proper analysis.

So this is my stock answer:

Him: How much did you pay for this flat
Me: You know what, before buying anything important I do mad research. But once I decide to buy it, the decision is made. The price to me becomes a thing of the past and I forget about it

Now you sound both strategic-smart and enlightened philosopher type, "above" matters of mere money.

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#2 · September 29, 2021, 2:59 pm

How about giving an assertive response?

Him: How much did you pay for this flat
Me: That's a personal question

Or throwing the question back

Him: How much did you pay for this flat
Me: That's like me asking you about your income

Or a smart-alec answer

Him: How much did you pay for this flat
Me: Due to inflation, that's no longer relevant

I recall this clip:

This interviewer prefaced it so it become even more acceptable to ask.
Instead of nosy, he becomes cheeky:

Interviewer: And this is a vulgar question, but I will ask it.
Cheryl: Ok (why are you asking this?)
Interviewer: No, it's not that vulgar.
But 3 days you took to do it?
Cheryl: Yes, 3 sessions
Interviewer: So how much that cost?
Cheryl: Well the guy that did it was an exceptional artist.
It's not just a tattooist.
He's an artist.
Person A: (Cracks a joke.)
He's a lucky bastard.
That's what he is.
Interviewer: Yes he's very good.
Person B: An artist with a butt fetish
Interviewer: He's very good with roses.
And how much was it?
Cheryl: It was worth it.
It was worth it.
Interviewer: You are not telling?
Cheryl: It was worth it.
Interviewer: But is it in the thousands?
Cheryl: Yeah
Interviewer: Could you buy a car for that?
(audience laughs at his insistence)
Cheryl: A small one maybe
Interviewer: New or second-hand
Cheryl: (laughs)
Person A: You do realise that many people would have paid you to do it to you

Person A seems to jump in with 2 jokes which sidetracked the host insistent questions.

I think Cheryl could have said

Interviewer: But is it in the thousands?
Cheryl: You're being cheeky now, aren't you?

since everyone knows what he's up to.

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#3 · September 30, 2021, 6:22 pm

Matthew,

The ones you propose can all work, but have a much different effect. They jolt the asker, and (slightly) break rapport.
Sometimes it's exactly what you want, so they work in different circumstances.

The responses in the original post are the "smooth" types, that avoid answering while also maintaining rapport.
The "smooth" format is helpful because it's an evergreen and you can't go too wrong with them: it's something you can use with almost anyone, including your boss or anyone you don't want to call out or potentially (publicly) disempower.

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