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"They grow up so fast" power move - how to handle?
Hi Guys!
This is something I've seen on Linkedin concerning one person who I knew many times ago - who, at that time already, I had categorized into the "hell-bent on power" category.
Context: his subordinate is leaving, and posts on Linkedin that he is joining a prestigious university.
This is how his "almost former boss" (my past acquaintance) responds on Linkedin:
"They grow up so fast [tear emoji]".
Subcommunication: I was the one who taught him, and now he is leaving before he has repaid me properly.
To me, it is a major power move.
How to handle
The person who was leaving responded this way:
Subcommunication: you weren't the one who made me grow, there were external conditions that made me grow.
Personally, though, I am in doubt whether it was effective. When I read it I had a feeling of "he is still somewhat submitting", as to me the answer was not enough to check the power move and equalize the field.
I'm trying to brainstorm other solutions but find it rather hard:
"Yes, the MIT is a rapidly growing environment. By the way, thank you X for your support in this :)".
"Hi X. Lucky to have helped your department reach your milestones this year, ad majora".
"Agree. And our former joint projects are still going to grow rapidly under your direction, even now that our paths are diverging. Talk soon!"
Maybe the original reply was good enough, these above seem too high-investment.
Interesting.
The mentor there seems to have made the biggest mistake in any case.
He self-framed as selfish, unable to give credit when credit's due, and unable to be happy for his mentees' success.
Come to think of it, reminds me of my mother who complained of my growing up, saying that "she wanted to have me as a baby" (and I was feeling bad for growing up, also telling "but no, look, my foot is still small" :S).
It's also a good example for that other thread that, often, "the advanced is truly the basics".
In this case, it's also "advanced basics" of self-development and to stop being so f*cking self-absorbed.
Anyway, for replying to it, it depends a lot on how their relationship was.
If it was good, I'd have thought "what a brain fart, but I'm gonna let it slip because of all the good he's done".
Some other good options:
- Reply to everyone BUT him, one of those cases of "loud silence" that sends a strong message of disapproval
- "Why the sad face. But thank you!" = this surfaces how the crying face was just out of place
- "They" who? :D. But thanks!" = this surfaces the impersonal "they" power move, rather nasty
The "BUT thanks" is your "fly higher power move".
It sub-communicates that "you fucked up, but I am going to ignore it, forgive, and move on (because I'm flying higher and celebrating and you remain there as a turkey. See ya)".
Thank you so much Lucio,
I see that since the power move was very evident, the surfacing answer does not need to be so much.
And also that in work matters it pays to be the flying higher guy.
Really helpful for me going forward.
