Former Community – We Moved

🆕 Coached community here, for posts & feedback public community here.

ForumPublic Forum: Power Dynamics"This stays between us" power dyn …

Please or Register to create posts and topics.

"This stays between us" power dynamics

#1 · December 7, 2023, 2:21 pm

Quote from John Freeman on December 7, 2023, 2:21 pm
Hello TPM community,
yesterday at work I was speaking with nurses about the problems they encounter at work. They told me things I did not know about their boss and my boss and some clinical situations. I also told them things they did not know about some clinical situations and the residents.
We said some negative but true things about people who were not present. It was not gossip in this sense but rather: these are the problems I encounter and I encountered them with this person. The approach was more to figure out the problems to bring solutions. That was helpful for me in my role and to understand what are the nurses' experience.
After I left work, I called them back:
Me: this stays between us, alright? If the residents know what I told you they won't be happy
Her: Don't worry. We won't talk about it.
Me: yeah on my side neither. I called back so we're on the same page.
This is the short version of the dialog. In terms of power dynamics, I rebalanced at the end.
However, I was a bit struggling to rebalance because I started on the wrong foot. That is, the power was on their side. It was as if I was afraid they would tell the residents, which was the case. However, what they told me about their boss could also get them in trouble. So basically we were on an equal foot or even I had more damaging information on them than they had on me. But still since I started as if asking a favour, I started power down due to my approach.
A better approach would be to:
Say it either in the middle of the "gossip" talk or at the end in person.
Frame it as: "us not talking about it" and not "me making sure they won't talk about it". So I think it's about going first.
Me: I think it's better to keep this between us. Personally, I won't talk about it with anybody else. Same on your side, right?
Still a bit weak.
Me: Let's keep it between us, alright?
Her: Don't worry. We won't talk about it.
Me: I'm not worried. I trust you. I won't talk about it either. Just making sure that we're on the same page.
I think this one is better.
I think it's a topic worth discussing as it's a situation that happens from time to time to all of us. So if anyone feels like commenting feel free to do so.

Hello TPM community,

yesterday at work I was speaking with nurses about the problems they encounter at work. They told me things I did not know about their boss and my boss and some clinical situations. I also told them things they did not know about some clinical situations and the residents.

We said some negative but true things about people who were not present. It was not gossip in this sense but rather: these are the problems I encounter and I encountered them with this person. The approach was more to figure out the problems to bring solutions. That was helpful for me in my role and to understand what are the nurses' experience.

After I left work, I called them back:

Me: this stays between us, alright? If the residents know what I told you they won't be happy
Her: Don't worry. We won't talk about it.
Me: yeah on my side neither. I called back so we're on the same page.

This is the short version of the dialog. In terms of power dynamics, I rebalanced at the end.

However, I was a bit struggling to rebalance because I started on the wrong foot. That is, the power was on their side. It was as if I was afraid they would tell the residents, which was the case. However, what they told me about their boss could also get them in trouble. So basically we were on an equal foot or even I had more damaging information on them than they had on me. But still since I started as if asking a favour, I started power down due to my approach.

A better approach would be to:

Say it either in the middle of the "gossip" talk or at the end in person.
Frame it as: "us not talking about it" and not "me making sure they won't talk about it". So I think it's about going first.

Me: I think it's better to keep this between us. Personally, I won't talk about it with anybody else. Same on your side, right?

Still a bit weak.

Me: Let's keep it between us, alright?
Her: Don't worry. We won't talk about it.
Me: I'm not worried. I trust you. I won't talk about it either. Just making sure that we're on the same page.

I think this one is better.

I think it's a topic worth discussing as it's a situation that happens from time to time to all of us. So if anyone feels like commenting feel free to do so.

Pelt, Transitioned and 2 other users have reacted to this post.

#2 · December 17, 2023, 10:26 pm

Hey John sorry I didn't notice this one at all crazy busy at work as usual not that I need to tell a doctor about that.

My one cents worth is.

1. Go a diff way if you can to gather info.

2. Add some deniability to the bitch session

Let me know if that is of interest and I can colour in.

John Freeman has reacted to this post.

#3 · December 18, 2023, 7:18 pm

Hello Transitioned,

thanks for your answer! Always glad to read your messages as you know.

Your advice totally makes sense thank you, in my notes. If you feel like adding more I'm happy to know.

Cheers.

#4 · December 20, 2023, 6:31 am

My thinking is It is kind of like the difference between in the field or remote recon.

If you are sitting far away with your chips and your coffee piloting the drone you will get less info and far less risk.

If you just keep people talking and gather the little tidbits of info you get from each person that s like the remote recon.

If you participate in a venting session that is definitely in the field high risk and potentially higher award.

So you want to keep philosophers frame as much as poss don’t name names.

John Freeman has reacted to this post.

#5 · December 20, 2023, 7:06 am

Good stuff, thanks! :)