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To get the best contributions: hold your thoughts until everyone has pitched in

Quoting Matthew from this great thread:
Quote from Matthew Whitewood on November 27, 2020, 3:16 pm

I will leave my thoughts open till more people give their perspectives.
To avoid a conversation happening between us, which may unintentionally exclude other forum participants.

Great technique.

Speaking too early can lead to two negative consequences are:

  1. You "close" the conversation to the original participants, and some people might never contribute (and who knows someone might have had some great contributions)
  2. Early sharing influences others, and won't get nearly as many original -or contrarian- contributions

The second point is especially relevant if you have power.

Imagine you're a boss holding a problem-solving team meeting.
If you share your opinion early on, you can (almost) rest assured that nobody else in the team will say anything that contradicts or strays too far from your original opinion.

And you've lost a huge chance of exploring different avenues that might have been far better than what you had originally thought.

A boss situation is quite extreme in terms of power, but the same holds if people hold your opinion in high regard or, in the case of Matthew, if you are the topic starter.
This also applies in relationships if you're dating very passive partners.
To entice them to share their opinion, you must learn to withhold your own (for a few minutes, at least).

Astronomically Revolutionised, Matthew Whitewood and 2 other users have reacted to this post.
Astronomically RevolutionisedMatthew WhitewoodStefTransitioned
Have you read the forum guidelines for effective communication already?


Another case of -so easy to implement, yet a complete gamechanger-.


Some time ago I said I were looking into and collecting -gems of tpm-, and while there are obviously many, I realized most of them are better to be read in context, so not particularly short and easy to quickly present.

But this one is one such gem ideal for collecting in a seperate thread or so.

  • short
  • quick to explain
  • easy to implement
  • valuable


Transitioned has reacted to this post.