Quote from Sidney Lawson on August 16, 2024, 7:16 pm

So I met this 25 year-old Chinese Girl off Tinder.  She is cute and the thicker side.  We have been on 5 dates since the beginning of June, where for the whole of July, I we didn't see each other because she had health skin issues.

So the dilemma is, we like each other, and we are into each other and we see a future with each other, but we are in Toronto and I am heading to San Francisco in October, to work at a FANNG (meta, Apple, Netflix,  Google) company.     So here is the facts to our interaction and why we are at an impasse:

Date 1:

Were getting to know each other and it's casually brought up about our jobs and the future right, so I tell her I am moving to Silicon Valley.

She is a Grad Student studying Supply Chain Mgmt and she tells me about her goal to move to the States, and she wants to network with other entrepreneurs.  She asked me if she can visit me in the States and will I get a gf in the States.  I was kinda shocked at the question b/c it's the first date and I thought it was a big ask.  I said maybe it all depends I have no idea.  Thinking about it I probably will get a gf in the States and most likely given our involvement she won't be able to come b/c that will make my gf jealous.

At the end of the night and I attempt to kiss her and she tries to rejects it and tells me, she is not a hoe and she wants traditional dating.

Date 2:  Video Game Arcade and Ramen Restaurant

We go on this date and we get to know each other further and she tells me about her family history and that she comes from a semi-rich family that used to be ultra rich but her parents messed up.  And how she feels sidelined b/c her parents invested in her brother to take over the family business.    The date goes well and I try to physically escalate and she tells me she doesn't like PDA, but she gives in to a kiss and touching.  She says we should hangout together at my place and she will bring alcohol.

Date 3:  My place

She comes over but instead of alcohol, she brings her laptop to finish homework and she asks for my help.  I try to escalate and she stonewalls me and doesn't react to my touch.  It was werid for me, because over a 3 year period, I have been on dates with 45 women slept with 18 of them and when they come over its always game on.  After she asked me if it was ok if we don't have sex and I am like ok, if your not comfortable, your not comfortable.   I am confused and my ego is bruised and we go to a Japanese cafe and she tries to re-assure me that she likes me and is attracted to me and she doesn't want to be seen as someone who gives it up easy.  I forgot how I responded but I didn't really trust her, I felt like she wasn't actually attracted to me at a physical level, which doesn't make sense because I am in great shape, like I did 8 years of competitive soccer and track and field and 3 years of weight lifting, everyone comments on my physique, everywhere I go.

 

Date 4: Improv Show

• I took her with me on my bi-monthly improv and she loves it, she seems

Date 4:

We plan for the next date, on Canada Day but she says she doesn't want to be stuck in Canada Day Traffic and her drive with no traffic is 30 mins.

Date 5:

We plan for another date but she cancels b/c her Grandma is coming from China.  To me it's kinda a red flag 2 date cancellations in a row.  So I warned this can't keep happening I don't like it when people make promises and their not kept and that she should have known ahead of time b/c ppl don't plan trans-pacific flights 2 days in advance.

THen she has skin issues and we don't see each other for  a month.

Date 6: Art Galley

We go to an art gallery because we both love history and documentaries.  She tells me she wishes we met 2 years earlier so we can revolve our lives around each other and she can follow me to the States and she will be very sad when I am gone and I she loves being around me.  The PDA increases and she is more comfortable with us making out in public and holding hands.  I told her the same way and I feel like we match on an emotional and mental level.  We go to a bar afterwards and we dig into a relationship history and I ask her that I want her to be her last Summer Love in Toronto.  She agrees and she says she is happy.  I tell her I want her and to go back to my place and she tells me she has a curfew b/c her mom is strict.  As I leave her car, she tells me not to hurt her.

Date 7: Islam Focused Musuem

We go to the Agna Khan museum and we both love it.  Then we go to a Japanese Cafe and we dig into each other's childhoods and trauma's.   We have alot of the same issues and turns out there may be a bit of trauma bonding and I told her I really want to sleep with her bad.  And then she told me she can't do that and she doesn't want to get more physically intimate because she sees me as more than a fling and that I am easy to fall in love with and she is going to get hurt when I leave.  And I told her let's not focus on the future, lets focus on the here and the now and I also tell her to come with me to San Francisco and I am getting emotionally.  I genuinely do want this girl in my life.  And she told me she can't that's a lot of planning.  She tells me she wants to see me one last time before I go and I give that look that it may not happen.  She asks if we can keep in contact so down the line, when she can move to the States we can reconnect, or am I going to find a girl in a tech when I am down there, and I say I don't know but its highly probably I will get snatched up.    We bid each other good night and she says she hopes she sees me one last time.  The next day she sends me pictures she took from the museum on insta and I say thank you, and she says NP with a heart and we haven't talked since.

So for me, I do have mixed feelings.  But I want to see what the community thinks about this dynamic and the questions you have.