Quote from John Freeman on September 8, 2022, 7:18 pm

Hello Bel,

Interesting case. I view it on 4 levels:

1. Society's norms: they violated a norm. You're not supposed to throw chewing gum at people, not even on the ground.
2. Respect: It's a sign of disrespect
3. Them: they're teenagers and we know that many teenagers are stupid at that age. I was. So they have kind of a mitigating circumstances (I said "kind of").
4. Her: I think she could have said it more explicitly and calmly: "we don't throw chewing gums at people", and wait for an apology or say "Hey!" with an angry face. If she was scared of them she could have done a non-verbal head shaking and leave somewhere else. By staying she empowered them (proof: they continued) as she kind of approved of them. The "stare" is not enough as it clearly states: "I'm angry but cannot or will not express it". Therefore it's an expression of judgment but also of powerlessness (no actions and no words) because it's not strong enough compared to their behaviour. So I think she could have been more assertive here.

Hear me out: I think that what these guys did was stupid and disrespectful.

The context is that we're on a self-development forum so the question is always "what can I change in my thoughts and/or actions?". That is why I elaborated specifically about your partner.

I think If it would have been me, I would have said: "What is this?!?? We don't throw chewing gum at people" in a loud voice, shake my head and move seats. I don't enter in unnecessary conflict with stupid people in the public space. However, I would have expressed my anger.

Also I think she's right not to have said: "You are so ill-mannered". This one is an escalation to me. That's why I said a plain statement: we don't throw chewing gums at people" or even "we don't throw chewing gums at people, it is disrespectful/disgusting". The "You" is a judgment on them. What I propose is a judgment on their behaviours.

Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on September 8, 2022, 9:58 pm

John already gave a good answer on how to handle it.

So I'll focus on this:

Quote from Bel on September 8, 2022, 12:11 am

I’m wondering if their intention was to attract her attention (in a disgusting way!) from the start.

Definitely possible.

As a matter of fact, if I had to guess with the very limited info I have, I'd say "more yes than no".

Youngsters who haven't learned effective dating and courtship often do stupid things in an effort to get some attention -sometimes ending up with negative attention-.
Women as well can do weird things before they better internalize the "game of dating".

Being in a high school with many women, I've also heard or witnesses several examples of trying to attract attention in gross, ineffective, or even aggressive fashion.
I could also share plenty of cringe-worthy stories myself, luckily the worst ones from elementary school though.

Seduction University talks about it as well with some examples.
And it recommends avoiding the over-the top, boisterous ways that groups of men sometimes use.
First, it's not very effective, and second, it tends to be lower quality since it's often a sign of immaturity -so the older one is, the worse it becomes-,

Quote from B on September 9, 2022, 12:36 pm

Thank you guys, your posts are very helpful and show a way to better manage similar situations for sure.

Both by understanding them and knowing how to behave.