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Unhelpful work interaction example

#1 · January 21, 2024, 10:47 pm

Quote from Emily on January 21, 2024, 10:47 pm
I have regular project/task crossover with manager A at my organization, and I sense that she has some deeper personality issues as self-centered and reactive, as my subordinate told that it was consistently observed between her interaction with other coworkers. One recent interaction was particularly harmful to me. I'll detail it below.
During a 1:1 meeting she asked me to look at a thing for her in a work system (let's call it system B) that I've been working with myself for some time. She said her team has a problem with it and asks me to look into the problem in the system. So one day at work I thought about it and made a few parameter changes to test this problem out, then I changed the parameters back. After a couple days she emailed me and the IT director:
Her: Did either of you change something in system B? We are experiencing problems of not receiving certain information.
IT director: I did not change anything.
Me: Yes I did so and so because she told me there is a problem and I tested it.
In the next few days, the IT director was scrutinizing me for this issue and raised this to the company who established this system for us. I was included in a meeting to talk to the outside company with IT's presence and they confirmed that what I did was not the cause of the issue. So the issue was settled.
Then after a couple weeks, she sends an email directly to me again:
Her: Did you look into this issue? We are still experiencing problems, I hope this can get resolved soon (smile emoji).
I was at a work event so did not see her email which was sent right before the event (at which she should be present too). By the time I got back to my desk, I saw another email from a more senior manager:
Senior manager: For system B you are working with, I suggest you consider manager A's issue.
The senior manger's email was the last straw - I had no prior interaction with this senior manager about this issue, and rumor has it that she doesn't get along with my boss (my boss has been in charge of this project before me and continues to supervise me regarding this project). I felt that she acted out of line so I responded with a stern tone:
Dear manager A, Senior manager, and my boss:
On XXX date I did test out this issue the manager A raised. A couple days later manager A said there was some problem with receiving information so I was scrutinized by IT about how my action was causing the issue she experienced. However we were able to confirm with the external company that my actions would have no effect on her receiving information. This was not a helpful process.
To further test out this issue and make changes, I will need senior management agreement that this is a topic we would like to include in the future.
I thought she raising the first issue was really to ask a personal favor from me, as I am willing to do because she is my peer. I think a normal person would appreciate that and if raising any potential issue, they would be really cautious because this person (me) is doing a favor for them. But then she accused me of causing her problem, and then being oblivious and asking me how that process is going, all the time leaving no time for me to respond then have a senior manager demand me to pay attention to it, made me feel that she is manipulative and has low social intelligence. So I know what her true color is and I will be more watchful in the future.
Just wondering if my email response handled this issue as gracefully as it could be. Also background information, I heard that this senior manager who sent me an email also doesn't get along well with my boss, and I have no prior history working with her directly.

I have regular project/task crossover with manager A at my organization, and I sense that she has some deeper personality issues as self-centered and reactive, as my subordinate told that it was consistently observed between her interaction with other coworkers. One recent interaction was particularly harmful to me. I'll detail it below.

During a 1:1 meeting she asked me to look at a thing for her in a work system (let's call it system B) that I've been working with myself for some time. She said her team has a problem with it and asks me to look into the problem in the system. So one day at work I thought about it and made a few parameter changes to test this problem out, then I changed the parameters back. After a couple days she emailed me and the IT director:

Her: Did either of you change something in system B? We are experiencing problems of not receiving certain information.
IT director: I did not change anything.
Me: Yes I did so and so because she told me there is a problem and I tested it.

In the next few days, the IT director was scrutinizing me for this issue and raised this to the company who established this system for us. I was included in a meeting to talk to the outside company with IT's presence and they confirmed that what I did was not the cause of the issue. So the issue was settled.

Then after a couple weeks, she sends an email directly to me again:

Her: Did you look into this issue? We are still experiencing problems, I hope this can get resolved soon (smile emoji).

I was at a work event so did not see her email which was sent right before the event (at which she should be present too). By the time I got back to my desk, I saw another email from a more senior manager:

Senior manager: For system B you are working with, I suggest you consider manager A's issue.

The senior manger's email was the last straw - I had no prior interaction with this senior manager about this issue, and rumor has it that she doesn't get along with my boss (my boss has been in charge of this project before me and continues to supervise me regarding this project). I felt that she acted out of line so I responded with a stern tone:

Dear manager A, Senior manager, and my boss:
On XXX date I did test out this issue the manager A raised. A couple days later manager A said there was some problem with receiving information so I was scrutinized by IT about how my action was causing the issue she experienced. However we were able to confirm with the external company that my actions would have no effect on her receiving information. This was not a helpful process.
To further test out this issue and make changes, I will need senior management agreement that this is a topic we would like to include in the future.

I thought she raising the first issue was really to ask a personal favor from me, as I am willing to do because she is my peer. I think a normal person would appreciate that and if raising any potential issue, they would be really cautious because this person (me) is doing a favor for them. But then she accused me of causing her problem, and then being oblivious and asking me how that process is going, all the time leaving no time for me to respond then have a senior manager demand me to pay attention to it, made me feel that she is manipulative and has low social intelligence. So I know what her true color is and I will be more watchful in the future.

Just wondering if my email response handled this issue as gracefully as it could be. Also background information, I heard that this senior manager who sent me an email also doesn't get along well with my boss, and I have no prior history working with her directly.

Transitioned has reacted to this post.

#2 · January 25, 2024, 10:40 am

Normally this type of idiot is not very good at their job that's why they focus on who did what instead of the job because they have no clue on the job.

The basic problem is that you tried to help this lady out and then she blames you without acknowledging you were trying to help.

So the first thing is this lady has proved that she can't be trusted so your only deal with her in writing now. And you don't lift one little finger without an email and agreement from managers.

So her next email is using the old assumptive selling trick. She assumes that you have accepted the task and is now chasing you for it.

If you want to deal with her at all. If you were just doing her a favour and it's not really the focus of your role then just say you are busy with a b c for your boss.

At the moment we are in the ambulance at the bottom of the cliff.

I'd suggest a couple of fences up the top. Main thing is by all means chat and understand the problem and then ask her for an email setting out what her request is what it isn't and what she is comfortable with you doing.

You can also use that as a recovery now. Say that you haven't received a detailed request it was just a chat and once she does put it then you can see what's involved and how it fits in with your other priorities.