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"Unworthy of": a nasty covert power move
I'm reviewing now "The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem".
It's such a great book.
Foundational, I'd even say.
I was shocked though to see how the author used the book to take wholly unneeded jabs at her (more famous) former lover Ayn Rand.
He says:
(...) With anyone who wanted to be truly close, enormous enthusiasm was expected for every deed and utterance.
For example, I found her self-congratulatory remarks excessive or her lack of empathy disquieting or her pontificating unworthy of her.
This guy is obviously incensed and bitter at her ex.
(and I researched it because this relationship is enlightening in terms of seduction power dynamics. Ayn Rand comes across as equally nasty, potentially narcissistic/sociopathic).
But by saying "unworthy of her", he seeks to sound less nasty while delivering the same power punch.
It sub-communicates
She's great. But then she does this XYZ nasty behavior that I am publicly denouncing, and it's not worthy of her. But I'm not being mean because I'm also saying that she's a very worthy person otherwise
With that "unworthy of her", it sounds more polished and professional.
But it's equally damaging to the victim's reputation -if not more so-.
It's funny how this author also says that self-esteem must be based on strong values that one must uphold -lest he will lose self-esteem-.
How does poo-pooing on your ex on your most famous book reconcile with all those nice values he professes?
For the record, I don't believe that one needs to espouse and uphold any value for strong self-esteem.
And I also consider it a red flag when someone pushes a tad too hard on values.
(and I researched it because this relationship is enlightening in terms of seduction power dynamics. Ayn Rand comes across as equally nasty, potentially narcissistic/sociopathic).
I didn't know that side about Ayn Rand.
I have her book The Fountainhead but haven't gotten round to reading it.
I heard Peter Thiel enjoys her written works.
This guy is obviously incensed and bitter at her ex.
Did you mean "his ex" in the sense of Nathaniel Branden's ex, Ayn Rand?
Or "her ex" as in Nathaniel didn't like Ayn Rand's ex?
It sub-communicates
She's great. But then she does this XYZ nasty behavior that I am publicly denouncing, and it's not worthy of her. But I'm not being mean because I'm also saying that she's a very worthy person otherwise
With that "unworthy of her", it sounds more polished and professional.
But it's equally damaging to the victim's reputation -if not more so-.
I have encountered this kind of polished, negative judgement before.
I find this kind of judgement challenging to counter.
If it happened during a conversation rather than a book, maybe one could counter the remark as such:
Him: With anyone who wanted to be truly close, enormous enthusiasm was expected for every deed and utterance.
For example, I found her self-congratulatory remarks excessive or her lack of empathy disquieting or her pontificating unworthy of her.Her: You may not have personally liked how I have interacted with you during some occasions.
Let's clarify that in private.
So it shifts from him judging her to him not liking some interactions with her.
Also, it shames him for bringing this up in public.
It sounds leader-like too.
Maybe, in this book context, she could have left a book review or social media review to counter this remark.
Although I think Ayn Rand has quite a good reputation otherwise, so she could safely ignore this remark.
Thread-expanding on this in public may not be a good idea.
And I also consider it a red flag when someone pushes a tad too hard on values.
I suppose pushing hard on values can be a form of higher authority frame dominance.
If the values come across as pro-social, it's borrowing power from society to impose one's values.
I think one can gain a lot of power from this though.
Churches and religious leaders in the past gained enough power on the level of the state through religious values.
To an extent, it's still true now. The Pope is powerful.
Sadhguru is a good example of a manipulative, value-taking imposer.
He frames himself as an authority on values to dominate others socially.
Quote from Matthew Whitewood on September 5, 2021, 10:57 amIf it happened during a conversation rather than a book, maybe one could counter the remark as such:
Him: With anyone who wanted to be truly close, enormous enthusiasm was expected for every deed and utterance.
For example, I found her self-congratulatory remarks excessive or her lack of empathy disquieting or her pontificating unworthy of her.Her: You may not have personally liked how I have interacted with you during some occasions.
Let's clarify that in private.So it shifts from him judging her to him not liking some interactions with her.
Also, it shames him for bringing this up in public.
It sounds leader-like too.Maybe, in this book context, she could have left a book review or social media review to counter this remark.
Although I think Ayn Rand has quite a good reputation otherwise, so she could safely ignore this remark.
Thread-expanding on this in public may not be a good idea.
Great answer, Matthew, and very eagle-like.
