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Value-takers

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I’m glad this is useful, guys! It’s from the video above (Adam Grant).

Nasty social climber: defense

Situation

Today as I was bringing news to parents I said: "I have good news for you". And it happened that my social climber supervisor had already told them the result of the exam. The (social climber) nurse laughed out loud. But the mother and the child having more respect for me than for the nurse did not. They were all wide-eyed and listening to me. I did not defend well. But I said: "What matters is that you got the news. If you got the news, then we all won." (Collaborative frame)

In the medical profession giving the result of an exam carries a lot of value. So some people fight to deliver the results, especially if they're good. Once the news have been delivered, there is no more value to add. So social climbers love to do this.

What should have I done

I should have ignored her as it is my default action at work. I should have turned my head to her then back to the parent and the child. As if: "this does not deserve my attention". In this situation, I could not go meta or shame her as there was the mother and the child.

The nurse laughing, as to highlight the innocuous mix-up, is one of those little daily red flags that advertises "I'm low value".

This is a relatively common value-taking power move, by the way, laughing at other people's "mistakes" to draw attention to them. A sneaky way of "thread expanding" other people's misfortune -or making up what shouldn't even be a misfortune or mistake, like this case-.

Quote from John Freeman on January 20, 2021, 9:50 pm

What should have I done

I should have ignored her as it is my default action at work. I should have turned my head to her then back to the parent and the child. As if: "this does not deserve my attention". In this situation, I could not go meta or shame her as there was the mother and the child.

Yeah, I love this solution.

Turning your heard towards her, saying nothing and not smiling also as if to say "I noticed, and it was stupid, deserves no more".

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Matthew WhitewoodJohn Freeman
Have you read the forum guidelines for effective communication already?

Definitely, great answer!

In this thread, I will share my experience and theory about value-takers. So you guys can learn from my mistakes.

Don't let value-takers eavesdrop

I noticed that value-takers typically thrive on eavesdropping. So don't give them free information. Easy solution: close the door at work when you're having a private or sensitive conversation. BTW,bBuilding an alliance by sharing values with a colleague is a sensitive conversation I believe. I think it's smarter to build alliances behind close doors with high quality people at work.

Concrete example: I was talking about manipulation at work (usual nurse bullshit) and I did not close the door. Who do I find outside with all her ears out? A low-value female nurse taker. Of course!

Let's not be stupid: Let us not give takers weapon against ourselves.

Fakers

I also want to emphasize that the fakers are the category we must be expert at recognizing. That is, agreeable takers. Something that puzzled me for a long time. The worst thing that puzzled me was that they could even be warm. I was bamboozled: is it a nice person or a bad person? She's all warm and smiling and then she assassinates me with backstabs. That's the thing: they can even fake warmth and smiles. And so can I and so can you BTW. You can be warm with someone you actually despise. It's a deception skill. So let us beware of the dangerous fakers. Also, fakers can deceive other people so they can build a strong social support through their charm. Then what happens? Well, you're the bad guy! And they're the victim of course. I'm sure you're familiar with this dynamics. So let us not give them the victim card.

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Lucio BuffalmanoTransitioned

Here is an example of how a social climber value-taker was perceived when Jorge Masvidal saw his true face (social climbing on him online):

Jorge Masvidal:

At some point I would have considered him a real friend

Knowing he's been to the Internet to bash me and I have never bashed him.

If you would sell out our friendship like that so quick, we never had a friendship, you know.

I thought we had a friendship but I can see from your end to mine, you were never cool man, you were just using me.

He ripped off my coach. When that happened he died to me.

Jon Jones:

Colby is a lier. He really is a bad person.

(Cites a couple of names): it's no coincidence that so and so did not like him. I don't like him. He really is a rotten person.

Here are is one more example why it is so important to fight value-takers:

The connection between vaccines and autism has been made by an english doctor. He thought about making some money by making a new MMR vaccine. So he made a fraudulent paper about it. This has been debunked and he lost his license in the UK. However, this made me realize that the whole anti-vax movement must have his roots in this event. Many outbreaks have occurred because people did not vaccinate their children. This has been reinforced by some celebrities.

This is to show that character-disturbed individuals cause a lot of harm. They actually kill people. From a few to a lot. I have other examples in my own life. That is to reinforced that they are to be fought hard. Because of all the damage that they do. On our self-esteem and self-confidence and on other people's lives.

Once we are aware of what these people do, it's important to fight them every time. Covertly or Overtly.

If we pretend to be value-adding (=pro-social), then the number one duty of pro-social individuals is to fight anti-social individuals.

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Matthew Whitewood
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