Former Community – We Moved
🆕 Coached community here, for posts & feedback public community here.
Waiter trying to play by pointing his finger at me and conversing directly with Bella
Hi Guys.
Went again to another restaurant with Bella.
We were waiting for a table to be ready.
Some people got up from a table, a waiter came and told us it’d be set in a minute.
I thanked him, and probably made the mistake to thank him more than once while he was going back and forth to set the table.
We sit down and this ensues:
Waiter: What can I get you?
Me: We’ll get one of these, and…
Waiter: We’ve finished those.
Me: Ah, they’re over.
Waiter: No, I was joking. (Turning to Bella)
Bella: Ok, we’ll get them then.
Me: Perfect, then we’ll get this and this…
Waiter: (To Bella) Do you want this to come with this?
Bella: No, please bring this together with this.
Waiter: Ok, I’ll try (jokingly). (Turning to me, and pointing his index finger at me) For you?
Me: I’m getting this. (I was starting to become dismissive and curt)
Waiter: Do you want a side with that? (Still pointing the finger)
Me: No. (Breaking rapport on purpose)
Waiter: Ok, you’ll also get some water?
Me: No, we’re good. (Not looking at him anymore, very curt in tone)
Waiter: Ok.
I did not thank him anymore on purpose.
I felt I recovered power during the interaction.
I especially felt displeased that I was kind to him, but he interpreted it as a green light to play the game.
He stopped coming to our table for good, but we had already ordered everything.
Bella later commented I had seemed just a little bit curt, but that the interaction came out power-balanced.
Wonder if I could have gone more direct or if there was a better way.
Hi Bel
Sounds great. Nothing wrong with going high power as a customer. You can always soften up next time if they play nice.
I got this at a Lebanese Cafe I go to sometimes. They do great falafel rolls so retreat s not an option.
What I tried was staying warm in tone and words but giving them the cold eye while saying it. And at the end I said "and I hope your day gets better mate" framing him as the problem.
Seemed to work. This guys friendly now.
Thank you Transitioned.
Ending on a warm note after enforcing boundaries is a great suggestion.
I think you did well, Bel.
And probably even diagnosed the situation well, and that it was the too many "thank you" that made him think you could have been an easy target for some power moves.
Maybe you could have pointed your index finger right back at him when you said "no" -and potentially even smiled, just to draw attention to the fact he was being off, but that you had no problem doing the same back to him-.
Quote from Transitioned on June 4, 2023, 2:38 amI got this at a Lebanese Cafe I go to sometimes. They do great falafel rolls so retreat s not an option.
What I tried was staying warm in tone and words but giving them the cold eye while saying it. And at the end I said "and I hope your day gets better mate" framing him as the problem.
Seemed to work. This guys friendly now.
Eheheh good one, I'd rather avoid places with assholes, but if they do great food... F*ck the asshole, it's game on :D.
And very nice move, basically framing him his disrespect as him having some temper tantrum.
Thank you, Lucio.
Pointing the finger back is a great suggestion and something I'll definitely do from now on.
Also, no more "multiple thank you"s from now on. Just once. If at all.
Another option I see now, is to say:
Me: No, I'm good. By the way, could you stop pointing your index finger at me while you ask what I'm getting? Thank you.
Enough to shame the waiter for sure.
EDIT: Just to laugh:
it's one thing in the power scale to deal with the waiter power moves directly.
It's another thing entirely to get up, go to the manager, and have the waiter assigned to the table changed.
Just to say something that got on my mind lately.
Yeah, that "mirror technique" can work well.
And if worse comes to worse, the manager's intervention is also a great move.
As for the "thank you", I think it's fine if you say it high power, with a more neutral tonality, even if you say it more than once (there should be some examples in PU, I think).
Of course, you were there ad knows better, and, as usual, also depends on the individual.
Good person who's been very service oriented, you can thank him without caring too much about power.
Other cases, better not to overdo it :)
For context: I had seen him be patronized by another person while we were waiting for our table.
So when he was quick in setting our table, I thanked him more than once to show I appreciated he still being kind.
I guess I could have just said it out loud instead of thanking him thrice:
Hey thank you. I’m glad we got you in such a busy night.
Still, he was the one who went wrong.
