Former Community – We Moved
🆕 Coached community here, for posts & feedback public community here.
Walking past higher authorities
Recently ran into a tricky situation. It is as follows. I had got some documents from an institution and was on my way leaving the place.
During this I walked past a group of people who were in their 50s and older. (Later got to know they were in high positions within the organisations)Â
After I walked past they told me to stop in a very aggressive and loud tone. And made attempts to shame me. The conversation is as follows.
Old guy - Who taught you manners walking past seniors like that? You can't just barge in like that.
Me - I feel sorry that you feel offended. Though you were blocking the way. Not sure whether you were aware of it or not but making way for people and understanding that no one owes anything to anyone are great qualities. I would have given the way for you too.
Old guy - I feel ashamed that you came to this institution.
Me - As do I. Let's be on our ways.
Now I feel like this was an attempt to dominate or show power by the person.
How would you have handled this situation? Feel free to share your ideas.
In my opinion, I think you handled it well.
I find sudden rudeness challenging as it can get throw you off guard.
You re-framed his frame from barging in into getting past their blockage and making your way out.
Then, when he tried to reassert himself, you cut the conversation short and walked off.
That seems high power as you communicate that you don't have time for such arguments.
There's a chance that he thinks you work in the building.
So maybe something short like
Old guy - Who taught you manners walking past seniors like that? You can't just barge in like that.
Me - I don't work here.
Making my way out.
Thank you.
So you refute his frame of having authority over you as the "senior" guy while demonstrating you want no trouble and just want to make your way out.
Or if you are getting some documents on behalf of your company from this company, you can mention some senior person there
Old guy - Who taught you manners walking past seniors like that? You can't just barge in like that.
Me - I work for (executive's name) at (company's name).
I'm on my way out.
The danger is that if you need anything from that institution again, the old guys may make life challenging for you.
But, if you have alternatives, then that's great as you don't ever have to set foot into their building again.
Yeah, from the written post, it seems like you handled it well.
Good skills and emotional detachment, great attitude on not let people attack while you only defend, and came out with a good level of power, without going overboard in any direction.
Some parts are improbable though.
The "you were blocking the way though" can sound passive aggressive, like you wanted to hit back at them but didn't have the courage/power to be direct.
An "and" might have been better:
Hey guys, you're right, my apologies (give them their share)
On other hand, it's also true that from my point of view, I had to go through and you were blocking the way (take your share).
So my apologies for barging through, and at the same time please also be careful of people who need to walk by.
Then you could have lingered on a few more sentences to rebuild some goodwill while using collaborative / win-win frames.
The "great qualities" part also sounds like a passive-aggressive judge.
Like you didn't have the courage to be direct about it, but still wanted to hit back by presenting a higher-level quality that they're lacking.
Other Scenarios
As usual, though, I wasn't there.
There might be a version of this story where the guys there were being total assholes and so more power or aggression on your side might have been called for. For example: "guys, I respect you as people and I respect seniors. But being older doesn't automatically make you right, or allow you to block the way. And you were blocking the way."
Or it might be that you did barge your way through over-aggressively and their anger was well-placed. In this case you might have been a bit more apologetic to re-empower them a bit -for example "sorry guys, you're right, it's just that I'm a bit in a rush. I wish you a wonderful day!-.
That's difficult to say from here.
Power Dynamics
There are also plenty of power moves that might have applied.
For example, their frame was "we're older, you owe us to respect".
You might have wanted to address that first, otherwise anything you say will be framed with you being wrong simply for being younger and "talking back" to seniors.
Or you might have said that you're on a rush because you don't want your older dad/grandparent wait.
