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What did an average guy learn in the first few weeks

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Hey folks, I am a typical, average, "nice guy" who came to this site a few weeks ago. English is not my first language and I was not able to call out any of the powermoves before.

Yes, by "any " I mean any. I was unaware when people pull out nag, covert demeaning, judge role, or any other powermoves. So my EI should be well below average.

Despite of being average, now I am slowly trying to build an assertive, growth, win-win mindset. I learned a lot from every thread and every article I read from this site. I find the explanations extremely useful as I can always find examples from my real life, and then understand how power is lost or gained, which I was never able to understand. Moreover, I am specifically touched by two of the threads here.

The first thing I learnt from here is probably leadership=attraction in dating. I can confirm this with my personal life. To be honest, all of my exes followed this pattern:

my weakness exposed or compliance to her frame -> she start to deny my leadership and judge role -> her gaming becomes effective -> Attraction is gone -> break-up

Dating back to when I first learned about judge role, one-upping, and shit-tests, I felt the world is kind of against me.  In daily life, those power moves are indeed used by a lot of people, especially my EX. For almost all the games and moves I learned here, I can find an example from her.

 

At that time, everytime someone is one-upping or taking the superior judge role, I felt offended and disrespected. Although I understand that I cannot be angry when handling the judge role, the anger still naturally come out.

However, my thoughts and beliefs were shocked when I read the following comment from a thread about shit-test:

You should not take shit test as a shit test, as it is a negative thinking

The shock reinforces itself when I read a recent thread on reframing the judgement as a "preference", which drives me to think:

Will a truly assertive man play the one-upping game and win-loss game at the same level as the other players? If I am fighting the frame battle or any other social battles with someone else, does it mean that I am at the same level as him?

Does a high quality man need to win frame battle? Does he need to beat others to prove himself? Does he need to show-off himself? Does he need approval at all?

Furthermore,

Will a high quality man, for example the leader of this forum, ever truly take a judgement as a judgement, and take an one-upping as an one-upping? At the worst, he will take it as a "preference", or even a naive opinion, which would not affect his mindset at all.

Of course the thinking must continue. Those are just my naive thoughts. You are more than welcome to give yours.

I am now trying to find a practical step-by-step guide to develop the mindset of an assertive, high-quality man.

 

 

 

John Freeman has reacted to this post.
John Freeman

Warm welcome!

My advice: buy Power University and study one lesson every day. I did it once and I'm doing it a second time. This is foundational. After that, I would recommend you to structure your learning based on your priorities, with social skills as a foundation.

All the animal kingdom is designed to follow, obey and serve the most dominant individual. There are subtleties to it, but basically being dominant is a key component of power.

These are not naive thoughts. These are your current thoughts related to your current mindset. As you will study this stuff deeper and deeper you will find the answers you're looking for.

Cheers!

Lucio Buffalmano, Transitioned and selffriend have reacted to this post.
Lucio BuffalmanoTransitionedselffriend

Welcome here man!

If I were you, I would'nt necessarily stress so much being "an average guy".
In part, because how you think and define yourself has real consequences.
And two, it might not even be true: you seem smart and driven, and those two already put you above average.

P.S.:
Since I'm often active on the forum, when referencing some articles you can refer to me as "Lucio", rather "than the leader of this website".

selffriend has reacted to this post.
selffriend
Have you read the forum guidelines for effective communication already?
Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on March 27, 2021, 7:43 am

Welcome here man!

If I were you, I would'nt necessarily stress so much being "an average guy".
In part, because how you think and define yourself has real consequences.
And two, it might not even be true: you seem smart and driven, and those two already put you above average.

P.S.:
Since I'm often active on the forum, when referencing some articles you can refer to me as "Lucio", rather "than the leader of this website".

Thank you, Lucio, I truly appreciate your mentorship.

One thing drove me mad before I came here: there was a woman consistently playing win-loss games on me. In contrast, she does not play those nasty game against her colleague, her boss, and her ex!

My social status was not lower than those guys in common sense. I simply cannot understand why didn't she treat me like a higher status guy but like a low value "idiot". By idiot, for example, she asked for reconciliation, and then 24 hours later, she said "I must reject your reconciliation proposal".

Now I understand that I need to build positive mindset, so I should not think about the "low value idiot" as words have real consequences. However, one core attitude of alpha is honesty and facing the challenge directly without fear. So I cannot ignore the facts. Does the fact that she is not dare to manipulate males except me indicates that I am low on value?

I think the bloody truth is, "yes". My EI was as low as Musk.

What do you think about it? Do you also believe that EI is the major problem here or there are other factors?

Update: my EX claim that she find a new boy friend (within five days), and now she is going to block my contact and numbers.

She borrowed my money and not yet pay them back. Except this, I am not opposing to cut all connection with her, but I felt she is again treating me like a low value idiot. Well this is probably a poor mindset for me, but it might also be the bloody truth.

Let me explain. When we were together, she never say those lines frankly to her ex or her chasers, who are trying to invite her out at night in a 1-1 setting:

"I love me boyfriend now, so let's just be friends"

"I have my loved one, so please don't invite me out for a date"

She does not actually go on those specific invitation, but some invitations were kind of ambiguous and she showed her interests. An ambiguous invitation is when a sophisticated ask her out ambiguously first, without specifying the date and time; if she rejects, then little power is lot for them. She does not tell them that she has a loved one.

She did not physically cheated because we stayed in one house during COVID. Well, some of my male and female friends believe that texting other guys, especially the ex, without being honest to the current boyfriend is cheating. I kind of agree because I do value honesty a lot.

My question is, why I was treated "unfairly", and why she voluntarily mention other guys and her current boyfriend. Some of great articles here at TPM says that mentioning other guys is actually a huge sign of interests. I am not sure if it applies here.

By the way, my break-up dynamics was again perfectly predicted by TPM articles: I feel joyful in the first few days, and as soon as I learnt that she is "kind of successful" in dating market, my biological instinct starts the feeling of regret.

Any discussing or advice will help! Don't hesitate to use frank and even tough words on me because I am here to learn and grow.

 

You ve used some RP terms so I assume you're open to some mildly RP advice.

TBH the best thing you can do is cut contact.

Once a woman loses respect she isn't coming back.  Don't buy fresh fish for a dead cat. And her games will drain your energy.

Work on things that give you energy, clean eating, working out, lots of sleep, career, sports, hobbies - whatever works for you. You ll grieve for the relationship and have your good and bad days.  Accept that and don't 'should' on yourself.

Once you ve healed then you can analyse the relationship. And feel sorry for the new b/f and maybe laugh out loud a bit.  Her behaviour isn't going to change.  Remember for every beautiful woman there s a guy somewhere who s sick of her shit.

I ve given this advice hundreds of times.  Many guys didn't take it.  The ones who did were better.

selffriend has reacted to this post.
selffriend
Quote from Transitioned on April 3, 2021, 8:31 pm

 

You ve used some RP terms so I assume you're open to some mildly RP advice.

TBH the best thing you can do is cut contact.

Once a woman loses respect she isn't coming back.  Don't buy fresh fish for a dead cat. And her games will drain your energy.

Work on things that give you energy, clean eating, working out, lots of sleep, career, sports, hobbies - whatever works for you. You ll grieve for the relationship and have your good and bad days.  Accept that and don't 'should' on yourself.

Once you ve healed then you can analyse the relationship. And feel sorry for the new b/f and maybe laugh out loud a bit.  Her behaviour isn't going to change.  Remember for every beautiful woman there s a guy somewhere who s sick of her shit.

I ve given this advice hundreds of times.  Many guys didn't take it.  The ones who did were better.

Fantastic advices! I agree that regaining others' respect is very hard. What I can do now is to regain my self-respect! I am now trying hard on motivate myself and invest more in myself!

I am actually open to and agree with TRP cores. There are just some guys becoming woman-hater after taking TRP, which I don't approve.

Rationally, I actually don't want her anymore. However, I am having a hard time fighting the biological instinct of regret.

 

Accept that and don't 'should' on yourself.

May I ask what does it mean by "should on myself"?

I should be doing this and that.  Small steps whenever you can.

selffriend has reacted to this post.
selffriend
Quote from Transitioned on April 4, 2021, 12:21 am

I should be doing this and that.  Small steps whenever you can.

Thank you again Transitioned!

It is my first time looking into the concept of "don't 'should' on yourself." I just read two web articles.

https://www.artofmanliness.com/articles/dont-should-all-over-yourself/

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/inviting-monkey-tea/201304/stop-shoulding-yourself-death-0

From my understanding, basically "should on myself" means to do things that the society or others expect me to do. I should on myself because I am approval seeking. So I need to stop it and find my true passion.

Is my understand correct?

Quote from selffriend on April 4, 2021, 3:18 a
Thank you again Transitioned!

It is my first time looking into the concept of "don't 'should' on yourself." I just read two web articles.

https://www.artofmanliness.com/articles/dont-should-all-over-yourself/

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/inviting-monkey-tea/201304/stop-shoulding-yourself-death-0

Check out:

Especially, this one:

Albert Ellis is the guy who first came up with the "shoulding" thing, and it's a very important concept in self-development.

And a forum usage tip: for your relationship questions, use the relationship subforum (and maybe check the guidelines in my signature)

selffriend has reacted to this post.
selffriend
Have you read the forum guidelines for effective communication already?
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