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When does “cold exchange” start to fade and love begin?

Hello everyone, this confusing thing happened to me and I love to know what you think.
I met a girl In my job, a customer, and helped her with special treatment, tbh just because I felt sorry for her, later, when we chat quite a bite I started to connect to her and was even attracted to her even she's not really my type physically.

anyway, I keep helped her with that issue with special care for several weeks (eventually, it failed.) and now I  finally made a move on her (I didn't want to make her feel “trapped” or something so I waited until that the issue is over), she went shy and coy and asked me if she can ask me an honest question and I say yes.
Then she ask (teasingly, but in a positive mood.) if I helped her from my good heart or from some kind of self-interest, I told her that it is probably obvious to her that besides the empathy, I indeed feel something towards her, and if she wants to label it like that, that's hers, but I would help her even if I knew I eventually “get” nothing in the end, she smiles and we decided to go for a date...

That made me think, from a value-exchange perspective, does she actually have a point though? Maybe I'm just self manipulating myself here and all I care about was indeed my self-interest? How do you know when you go “beyond cold exchange” To “true love” (if the latter even exists), how you define it, and how you can purposefully lead your collaborations there?

Hello TheDucas,

I wouldn't know how to answer the "general-level" questions without writing pages and pages -and still probably not achieving a "simple" answer-.

But it seems like you already got the answer for this specific case:

Quote from TheDucas on November 20, 2021, 6:03 am

I told her that it is probably obvious to her that besides the empathy, I indeed feel something towards her, and if she wants to label it like that, that's hers, but I would help her even if I knew I eventually “get” nothing in the end, she smiles and we decided to go for a date...

I personally don't think you were self-manipulating.

And I also see nothing "wrong", "bad", or "cold" if part of your willingness to help was also because you liked her as a woman.

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KellvoTheDucas
Have you read the forum guidelines for effective communication already?

Agreed completely with Lucio, and I'll add this on TheDucas - selfless motives can definitely begin from selfish desires. And we ain't just one or the other. Attraction, appreciation and honest arousal (both sexually and emotionally), channeled through a higher purpose, are great. They encourage you to become a better man, to cultivate and deliver value and to honestly connect with others on every level. I can testify firsthand that my biggest growth spurts were always initiated and sustained by truly exceptional and inspiring women.

A big point of this site, from what I noticed, goes something like this: acknowledging and satisfying the base elements of our nature, along with our selfish and darker desires, while also bringing them up to a higher level; seeking win-win solutions that honor both you and her. A key element of a strong Frame, both with women and life in general, is knowing that you have strength and value, along with a sincere intention to use it for good. That dual mixture of power and warmth is, as Lucio states, an essential aspect of a high-quality man.

Also, great job on passing that shit test. You showed great strength and class.

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Lucio BuffalmanoTheDucasMatthew Whitewood

Thx guys, I liked what you are saying, both realistic and positive, having relationships that go “beyond” exchange is something I kinda struggle to describe or develop, but somehow it’s feel important for me.

much appreciated. 😊

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Lucio BuffalmanoKellvoMatthew WhitewoodSam Wellington

It's also possible she was the one acting coy and shy so that you would help her.
Maybe she orchestrated the whole thing :).

I thought that this is a possibility because you felt like helping her out of pity and then felt attracted to her even though she's not your type physically.

Then, she went coy and shy to ask you the question again.

This can be a good thing because it hints that she likes you.
So it's safe to move forward.

You could say this:

Her: Were you helping me out of self-interest or a good heart?

You: Always charming me with your coyness

Maybe the above is too direct and would lose the flirtatious vibe.
Something like

You: Are you always so shy?

But you would know the girl best :).

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