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Whenever possible, avoid unnecessary risks in new relationships

#1 · December 14, 2023, 7:45 pm

Quote from Ali Scarlett on December 14, 2023, 7:45 pm
See this snippet from An Introvert's Guide to Networking:
D. A. Benton: "At a Chamber of Commerce function, I learned that a utility company was going to furlough a dozen people. I also knew that every career consultant in town would try to get to the CEO to pitch their services. I wanted to stand out from the others, so I sent a dozen pretty depressed roses with a note: 'Your people, like these flowers, are depressed, but can be revived with the right advice.' Well, he never responded, and the Chamber uninvited me to their next event—and for the next five months, they banned me! In the last example, I’d attempted a little humor that backfired big time. I tried to contact the CEO to apologize, and he wouldn’t hear me. In fact, I had to find some different business networking events because I found out that the CEO had blacklisted me from Chamber gatherings."
We all know first impressions are crucial, so it's a risk to use that kind of humor with someone when:
You have no prior rapport/history with them: which could help smoothen the joke in some cases or at least (maybe) make them more forgiving of it
You have no knowledge of their personality: and that could help you discern whether or not they'll find a joke like that in poor taste before you give it
The less risky options (for her) would've been to either have someone make an introduction for her (maybe a mutual member of the Chamber of Commerce) or reach out to him directly as a fellow Chamber of Commerce member.
But, since she took the risk and it didn't pay off, she found herself having to do a lot of work to make up for the mistake instead:
D. A. Benton: "Several e-mails and phone calls later, he allowed me to take him out to a very expensive lunch on my dime. He said, 'I’m willing to work with you because you kept reaching out to me, and you didn’t give up'...in this instance, my tenacity in trying to recover paid off."
Chasing him helped to rebalance the social exchange. (Since the receiver took her joke as a social cut, it was a good move for her to give him some power back by investing so much with those several reach-outs.)
And, although she didn't say it in the book, it'd be my guess that she probably apologized in one or more of those reach-outs as well to make him whole again faster.

See this snippet from An Introvert's Guide to Networking:

D. A. Benton: "At a Chamber of Commerce function, I learned that a utility company was going to furlough a dozen people. I also knew that every career consultant in town would try to get to the CEO to pitch their services. I wanted to stand out from the others, so I sent a dozen pretty depressed roses with a note: 'Your people, like these flowers, are depressed, but can be revived with the right advice.' Well, he never responded, and the Chamber uninvited me to their next event—and for the next five months, they banned me! In the last example, I’d attempted a little humor that backfired big time. I tried to contact the CEO to apologize, and he wouldn’t hear me. In fact, I had to find some different business networking events because I found out that the CEO had blacklisted me from Chamber gatherings."

We all know first impressions are crucial, so it's a risk to use that kind of humor with someone when:

You have no prior rapport/history with them: which could help smoothen the joke in some cases or at least (maybe) make them more forgiving of it
You have no knowledge of their personality: and that could help you discern whether or not they'll find a joke like that in poor taste before you give it

The less risky options (for her) would've been to either have someone make an introduction for her (maybe a mutual member of the Chamber of Commerce) or reach out to him directly as a fellow Chamber of Commerce member.

But, since she took the risk and it didn't pay off, she found herself having to do a lot of work to make up for the mistake instead:

D. A. Benton: "Several e-mails and phone calls later, he allowed me to take him out to a very expensive lunch on my dime. He said, 'I’m willing to work with you because you kept reaching out to me, and you didn’t give up'...in this instance, my tenacity in trying to recover paid off."

Chasing him helped to rebalance the social exchange. (Since the receiver took her joke as a social cut, it was a good move for her to give him some power back by investing so much with those several reach-outs.)

And, although she didn't say it in the book, it'd be my guess that she probably apologized in one or more of those reach-outs as well to make him whole again faster.

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