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"Where are you from": question to bond, or to dominate?
This is from Deborah Tannen, an American linguist researcher.
She is talking about people asking others "where are you from" early on:
He said it is an attempt to get power over you by pinning you down. I was surprised because to me asking someone’s background is a means of establishing connection, finding a point of reference from which to select topics of conversation and discover areas of shared experience. In fact, it can be either or both.
I totally agree with her.
It depends a lot on how it's asked, who is asking, and at what point of the interaction.
It's a question I personally don't much like to receive, especially early on, and I often avoid answering it.
I discuss some of the dynamics in Social Power, but we also talked about it here in the forums (search for "aggressive gambit openers").
If you're living in a rich country and you ask someone who looks foreigner where is from, it can als ocreate distance, as if to say "you're not from here, man (= "you're different").
When I ask someone where he is from, I always smoothen it out by relating and expressing interest and warmth. For example:
You: where are you from
Him: Panama
You: Oh cool man, I always wanted to travel there, but never managed so far. How is it
I wonder why do you think so
