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Why hardships can make you higher quality

An interesting theory as I read from Susan Forward.

She says that people who never tasted hardships are more likely to manipulate and blackmail others.


Because, never having tasted deprivation and hardships, they don't trust themselves to be able to handle those difficulties.
Whenever they are presented with a possible loss, or difficulty, their subconscious goes "I can't handle this, I cannot let it happen".
And that's how some otherwise good people might resort to emotional manipulation.

Says the author:

ButPeople who have been overprotected and indulged have had little opportunity to develop confidence in their ability to handle any kind of loss. At the first hint that they might be deprived, they panic, and shore themselves up with blackmail.

It's an interesting theory, and I believe there is much truth in it.
I have become a much better person, even in my system of value and ethics, after having gone through hardship.

This is not to make excuses for poor behavior, of course.
Asshole behavior is asshole behavior no matter what.
And some people are more manipulative and more asshole-like, no matter their life experience.

Still, it's an important concept.

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Ali ScarlettStef
Have you read the forum guidelines for effective communication already?

Yeah! I would add that to have true sympathy you need emotional and cognitive emphaty. meaning that people who have gone through hardship and suffering (if it does not completely destroy they mentaly or move them too much to the dark side) may have and easier time understanding how the potential target of their nasty behavior may feel and be seriously affected if they do something that harms or offend him/her.

People who have always been perfectly happy may end doing nasty stuff to others simply because they have no idea how their behavior, especially in an emotional/psycological sense, can really hurt someone (or being unable to help for lack of understanding how, for example, a depressed person may think/feel/act).

(e.g: like young kids or some teens in highschool: they do stuff to their peers that when older they come to regret as too cruel or uncalibrated)

Some people suffer and said " I do not want anyone else going through this", other said "I want the whole world suffering as much or even more than I; this is justice". (hopefully we here are more inclined to the first type of mindset, and even the same person can move, when he matures and become more enlightened, from the second type to the first buda-like better one"

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Lucio BuffalmanoLorenzoE

Great message, Stef!

Yes indeed, some hardship also makes you a generally more rounded individual, and also able to connect with more people -and lift them up, potentially-.

Have you read the forum guidelines for effective communication already?

Yesterday, an acquaintance of mine got really pissed off and disturbed because he bought a scooter 1 month ago and now the battery or the alternator are dead. He also did not ask for a receipt(???) To me, this is such a small problem because he could still use public transport and his dad even lent him his electric (!!!) bike. Through this I could see that he did not face many challenges. I'm not judging as it happens also to me to get pissed off for small stuff. But I end up realizing it's small stuff. It seemed he was not able to.

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Lucio BuffalmanoStef

Started reading a new book that highlighted something I've been thinking about lately. It brought me back to this thread:

Book: "[High-quality] leaders are often ordinary people who accept or are placed under extraordinary circumstances that bring forth their latent potential, producing a character that inspires confidence and trust within others."

This one's coming from The Spirit of Leadership by Dr. Myles Munroe. And, the idea that hardship can mold high-quality individuals is incredibly fascinating for me.

It leads me to wonder how one can become a top 1% individual without experiencing any pain on the journey whatsoever. And, personally, I'm not sure I believe that's even possible.

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Lucio BuffalmanoBel