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Women: never text this to a man!

My neighbour is one of those women who is looking for a man... And makes it sooo obvious she is.

I wish that instead of asking me out she'd ask me for strategies to date better and meet a man.
She has all the right cards to find a man, but it seems to me that her behavior is exactly what drives men away -or at least the cooler ones she wants-.

She's done a litany of mistakes in person and with the previous messages, but let's focus just on one of the last texts she sent me:

Here are the tops ones:

  1. Sorry to bother you: unneeded. Makes you come across like you're afraid of being a nuisance
  2. I am not chatting you up (flirting): more on it below since this is the topic of this thread
  3. Networking is how to get to know Berlin: Rather condescending and "teacher-like". Driven men don't like this attitude. Why is she schooling me on "how to get to know Berlin?" Who says I need to "know Berlin", or even want to?
    In person she was the one saying it's hard to meet new people here. I didn't say that. Don't push your attitudes on men you've just met
  4. Too long: that message barely fit into the screen. And she even used "y", like a teenager. Keep it briefer and spell "you" in full: "you" is the most important part of any communication

Alright, so what happens when you tell a man you're not "flirting with him"?

First of all, he thinks you might actually be doing just that: chatting him up and chasing him.
But he also feels denied at the same time.
Like... What are you trying to do? Are you desperate for a friend, or are you seeking a man but are too afraid to look like you actually are?

If you are chatting him up, then don't deny it.
If you are not, then don't say it and simply show it with your behavior that you're just friends -starting with shorter texts-.

Flirting and denying can work better in person as either a mixed message technique.
Or to show a "girly silly" side which is falling for him head over heels, albeit that would also give all of your power away.

In text, it just doesn't work.
If he liked you, you will lose points.
If he was "meh", it will turn him into "no".
And he was "no", it will make you come across as chasey and weird.

Have you read the forum guidelines for effective communication already?