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A judge power move to get a refund: eagle VS turkey approach

As a rule of thumb:

Avoid judge roles with those who are at least at your level or with those you want to grace with your respect (it's more OK for those who are below you).

If you must use a judge role, do it as straight as you can.

As a short case study, this is an email I got as a follow to the events of this thread.

We exchange a few messages and all seemed great, including the person saying he'd share TPM with his other friends.

Then:

I have received a WordPress refund confirmation, but am not sure if I am being charged the administration fee. Though as bad as it might seem, I would be really upset if I was charged without getting any value from the course.

This format can be effective.

In some cases.

Same as guilt-tripping and low-level manipulation and power moves can be effective -there is a reason if they evolved, after all-.

BUT, they are more effective with people who are unaware of power dynamics and manipulation.
And they tend to annoy the people who are more power-aware.

Personally, as a guy who's generally power-aware and annoyed by judges' power moves and low-level manipulation, I was also mildly disappointed. Disappointed that I had started warming up to this person, and that I had already processed the full refund.
Otherwise, after that, I would have most certainly and gladly withheld the admin fee.

As per PU, this goes even beyond "behind a good person".

Even if you just aim for life effectiveness, the high in power and power-aware folks -even if power-aware just at a gut, subconscious level- tend to be at the top of society.
And the power unaware ones at the bottom.

So with this approach, you end up pissing off the powerful people of this world.

Plus, the eagles.

The eagle will get annoyed at the power move, cut you off and, if in his power, do his best to get as much as he can out of the deal.
The eagle prefers spending that money on those who don't pull unneeded (judge) power moves.

This website's advice is clear on that: rather than trying to win the small-time battles, which you can with that approach, focus on the bigger picture. Soar above the petty manipulation, and fly with the eagles.

Eagle Approaches

An example of a straight judge is the Godfather when he says:

If you marry this guy, you'll disappoint me

It's better in that case because:

  1. The Godfather is obviously above his sister: he's the head of the family, he had life experience, business experience, he has still a working marriage instead of a broke home with random guys coming in, etc.
  2. The Godfather speaks straight and assertively: it's not "this may sound bad". It's just straight: do X, and you disappoint me. The preface sounds defensive and weak

This is how an eagle would approach this specific situation, both mindset-wise and technically:

  • It's 9.9 after all, it's better in my pocket, but if he keeps it, fuck it (I got more important things in my life)
  • The admin fee is for the use of time, maybe I don't have the right to ask it back?
  • I'll leave it up to him, let's see what he does with it
  • On your honor approach: "as for the admin fee, it's up to you and I'm cool either way"
  • Straight-shooter judge: "it's inconsequential for the money, but out of fairness I believe my refund should be in full because I got no value out of it. Because of that, I'd be disappointed if the refund doesn't include the admin fee"

They're all very different from each other, but they're all eagle-like.
I'd still avoid the latter, but off the top of my head that's pretty much the only way you can go judge-role while still being high-power and eagle-like.

Edit:
Typos

Matthew Whitewood and Stef have reacted to this post.
Matthew WhitewoodStef
Have you read the forum guidelines for effective communication already?

I think something similar is happening with my current voice coach :).

He's being sneaky, and I cannot help but lose respect for him albeit not a judge power move.

Let's laugh together about this :).

I also dislike my father for using judge power moves because I feel he's actually less experienced than me and tried less things.

Stef has reacted to this post.
Stef
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