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A Thanks, A Long Story and A Quick Question On Power University

#1 · June 2, 2020, 9:24 pm

Quote from ulysses on June 2, 2020, 9:24 pm
Hi all,
Signore Lucio,
The first thing I want to do here is to thank you. I have been reading through your content, and for the first time in years of reading about power dynamics, I get the impression that you are not here to defraud your reader or make a quick buck, but actually provide value. I see this from your articles, which are well-sourced, and from your behavior on the forums - you're here, reading messages, answering and helping people out, describing what you do. I find that very refreshing.
I apologize in advance for the long read- I have noticed your blog posts are often long, and you seem to have a passion for people, so I thought it'd be better to say it all.
When I say you provide value, I don't say this lightly.
I have been fortunate enough to be educated by demanding university professors who taught me that intellectual honesty is paramount and intellectual fraud everywhere.
Then I embarked on a business career in countries in which the protection you can expect from the courts is limited and the best protection you have against losing everything is using your good judgment, because even the law won't be enough to help you out if you get screwed.
So I'm always on the lookout for sophistry, bad reasoning and bad maths - it's become annoying to the point where even reading high-quality newspapers becomes almost unbearable, because there's so much in there that just doesn't make sense, and it's not even out of malevolence, just out of sheer incompetence.
I've also had my eyes open to the importance of power by my professional dealings.
I've worked with governments at a high-level, both in the West and in developing countries, and I know that even if there's a fair share of good people who're really, honestly trying to do a good job, there's also an enormous amount of liars and profiteers. I've had friends in senior government positions invite me for a personal dinners (the chef-prepared, with expensive wine from the state's reserve kind) on the taxpayer's dime without an afterthought (they didn't even realize that doing this was abusing their position, even if it wasn't illegal at the time).
I've had government advisors and senior officials in developing countries summon me to meetings in five-star hotels and propose to rig public contracts tendering in my favor without me ever asking for it (I had to be the one insisting they respect the rule of law and rejecting their entreaties). I used to be in politics, too, and I saw it all from the inside - the cheating, the harassment, the odious behavior of prominent leaders towards subordinate, and all in all behavior more fitting of the high-school playground than of people in the running for ruling a country.
All of this has thrown me into deep despair. I fundamentally am a good person, and it despairs me to see so much good will and good effort wasted because people are busy playing power games.
It's not a bad, evil world I'm describing: it's just a disappointing one. But here's where I'm stupid: again and again, I forget about the rules, I assume people are genuinely good, and I get disappointed again. Reading about power or seeing its dynamics hasn't helped me has much as it could have, because it's often too abstract for me to visualize, or too poorly sourced or reasoned for me to believe (even if the conclusion made is a good one, I tend to disbelieve it if the reasoning behind the conclusions is wrong, which is problematic because most people are very prone to using sophistry when they argue something, even when they fail to realize it).
It was okay when I was really, really young. I'm still young, but I won't be forever and I'd like to be smarter, and for this process not to drag on for much longer. I read in one of your articles, Lucio, words that really resonated with me, because it's something I've been thinking about for a long, long time myself. I don't want kindness out of weakness. Kindness out of weakness is no kindness; it is only submissiveness. There's nothing noble about being kind if you're being kind because it's your only choice. Real kindness comes from a position of power.

I've had the same problem in dating. I've read enough to know what is attractive to women; I've seen enough, too. One of my very best friends is short but very assertive, and very dominant in conversations. He gets all the women he wants, and even when it ends badly they come back to him. But I haven't been able to bring myself to internalize it. The minute I fall in love, I forget about it.
I had my heart badly broken last year, by a girl I loved like I rarely love. It started out well. She'd been giving me all the signals. Without boring you with the details, I had it all going for me. In her country I am considered very physically attractive. She comes from a background of hardship in a country where most people live only a few dollars above the poverty line. I earn good money even by Western standards and I have high social status in this country; it is a very status-conscious society where status is conveyed both in verbal and body language; people there (even ones with high status themselves) address me as the equivalent of a Lord.
I'm telling you all this not to brag but to show you how badly I fucked it up with everything going for me: looks, money, status. In the beginning I was prudent; I didn't text too much, or only short messages, I kept it all positive. But I was too fast to open up to her and tell her what I felt about her (I did after the first date, even though in her country when a woman gives commitment it is very hard for her socially to withdraw...yes, very stupid!); I traveled on a job assignment and brought her back jewelry. I started texting her everyday. When her texts became shorter, I kept telling her about my days (yes, stupid!).
I was more or less aware of what was going on but I refused to see the situation clearly. I persuaded myself I had found love, all that I knew was bullshit, or she was the exception, and she'd love me for who I am, even though I myself didn't like who I was when I behaved like that.
How stupid, and how unfair of me- how can you expect someone to love what you, yourself, do not?
I could feel it breaking down, but I kept going. When she cancelled the next date with a bullshit excuse, telling me she had no time "for several weeks" I doubled down. At first I called her out and I made it clear I didn't like her behavior. She insisted she really had no time, she said she didn't have money to go out. The next day she deleted all of her pictures, wrote a post that said "I do too much wrong to myself," and didn't log back in for weeks.
I thought maybe she somehow thought I did not love her enough, or did not commit enough to her, that she thought I'd just play with her and send her away. So I sent her the longest message confessing my eternal love (...yes, stupid!) She said it was too early and for months after she refused to speak to me. I couldn't forget her, so I asked mutual friends to let her know to be clear with me, to tell me "no" once and for all, as I knew she'd done with other guys who'd courted her, but she would not do that.
I kept seeing her often; I had work meetings where she worked several times a week, almost every single week. She'd act like she didn't know me. Not a smile, not a single word, and it hurt me every single time, especially when I saw her interact very normally with guys I knew for a fact she'd romantically rejected. It felt very hurtful: not only do you have to reject me, but you also have to willfully completely ignore me?
I kept at this for a few months until a major personal tragedy struck- someone very innocent I cared for very much got very sick with a rare life-threatening disease. It felt as if the world was collapsing. But in that abyss of pain I realized, horribly, that I didn't feel that much worse after learning a young close relative was very sick than I did from heartbreak. I still feel great shame over this. All that pain, for months and months, had been all of my own making, and all of it for something relatively mundane everybody goes through.
That was a wake-up call and I began to take better care of myself, and to better appreciate the many blessings I have. I stopped trying to talk to that girl. Coincidentally, after a few weeks, she started liking my pictures again. I still saw her episodically, but I managed to arrange most work meetings at different places. I saw her last on the day I had to leave her country temporarily because of the coronavirus; I went to bid farewell to her boss, and she overheard me telling her boss I was leaving for a while. When her boss left, I saw her looking at me, so I turned to her and I said: "Take care of yourself," waved and walked out as she waved back.
I'm obviously still thinking about her, but it's not like it used to be. I don't harbor any anger anymore for what happened, but my overwhelming desire is for me to walk my own path now. In a few weeks, I should be returning to her country, where I am building a business. But I'm not afraid of what will happen with her. She messaged me again recently, on her own, we had a few short, lighthearted conversations and that was it. But when I get back there, what matters to me is to focus on myself, to continue building my business, and to enjoy the life I have there, with a lot of sun, a lot of friends, and a lot of things to do where I can make a large positive difference.
I wrote out a whole essay here and it wasn't always easy, but I wrote it all so you'd see where I'm coming from. What you write about I have experienced firsthand, and when I read through your stuff, it's like it all made sense. What I appreciate from you is the realism without the rancor, both in matters of power and dating. Your writings about sexual dynamics aren't full of hate or spite. They're just factual. And on power, you wrote somewhere else that ethics are important to you. That also very much resonated with me. What disturbed me with most of what I read on power was either that it seemed to be written by psychopaths - and it was hard to get behind what they wrote without feeling like one myself - or too naive. You strike a good balance.
I hope to be able to learn more from you and with you. The one question I have is on the content of your Power University course.
You offer so much good free stuff already (frankly, I thought there was some kind of bug on your website at the beginning, I thought I was seeing the paid area without paying for it- your articles actually explain what they purport to explain and don't send the reader to your class or book) that my last hangup before signing up to your course is - how could you possibly offer more in your course than you already do on your site?
Best regards, and grazie mille, Signore, lo apprezzo molto il tuo lavoro.

Hi all,
Signore Lucio,

The first thing I want to do here is to thank you. I have been reading through your content, and for the first time in years of reading about power dynamics, I get the impression that you are not here to defraud your reader or make a quick buck, but actually provide value. I see this from your articles, which are well-sourced, and from your behavior on the forums - you're here, reading messages, answering and helping people out, describing what you do. I find that very refreshing.

I apologize in advance for the long read- I have noticed your blog posts are often long, and you seem to have a passion for people, so I thought it'd be better to say it all.

When I say you provide value, I don't say this lightly.

I have been fortunate enough to be educated by demanding university professors who taught me that intellectual honesty is paramount and intellectual fraud everywhere.

Then I embarked on a business career in countries in which the protection you can expect from the courts is limited and the best protection you have against losing everything is using your good judgment, because even the law won't be enough to help you out if you get screwed.

So I'm always on the lookout for sophistry, bad reasoning and bad maths - it's become annoying to the point where even reading high-quality newspapers becomes almost unbearable, because there's so much in there that just doesn't make sense, and it's not even out of malevolence, just out of sheer incompetence.

I've also had my eyes open to the importance of power by my professional dealings.

I've worked with governments at a high-level, both in the West and in developing countries, and I know that even if there's a fair share of good people who're really, honestly trying to do a good job, there's also an enormous amount of liars and profiteers. I've had friends in senior government positions invite me for a personal dinners (the chef-prepared, with expensive wine from the state's reserve kind) on the taxpayer's dime without an afterthought (they didn't even realize that doing this was abusing their position, even if it wasn't illegal at the time).

I've had government advisors and senior officials in developing countries summon me to meetings in five-star hotels and propose to rig public contracts tendering in my favor without me ever asking for it (I had to be the one insisting they respect the rule of law and rejecting their entreaties). I used to be in politics, too, and I saw it all from the inside - the cheating, the harassment, the odious behavior of prominent leaders towards subordinate, and all in all behavior more fitting of the high-school playground than of people in the running for ruling a country.

All of this has thrown me into deep despair. I fundamentally am a good person, and it despairs me to see so much good will and good effort wasted because people are busy playing power games.

It's not a bad, evil world I'm describing: it's just a disappointing one. But here's where I'm stupid: again and again, I forget about the rules, I assume people are genuinely good, and I get disappointed again. Reading about power or seeing its dynamics hasn't helped me has much as it could have, because it's often too abstract for me to visualize, or too poorly sourced or reasoned for me to believe (even if the conclusion made is a good one, I tend to disbelieve it if the reasoning behind the conclusions is wrong, which is problematic because most people are very prone to using sophistry when they argue something, even when they fail to realize it).

It was okay when I was really, really young. I'm still young, but I won't be forever and I'd like to be smarter, and for this process not to drag on for much longer. I read in one of your articles, Lucio, words that really resonated with me, because it's something I've been thinking about for a long, long time myself. I don't want kindness out of weakness. Kindness out of weakness is no kindness; it is only submissiveness. There's nothing noble about being kind if you're being kind because it's your only choice. Real kindness comes from a position of power.

I've had the same problem in dating. I've read enough to know what is attractive to women; I've seen enough, too. One of my very best friends is short but very assertive, and very dominant in conversations. He gets all the women he wants, and even when it ends badly they come back to him. But I haven't been able to bring myself to internalize it. The minute I fall in love, I forget about it.

I had my heart badly broken last year, by a girl I loved like I rarely love. It started out well. She'd been giving me all the signals. Without boring you with the details, I had it all going for me. In her country I am considered very physically attractive. She comes from a background of hardship in a country where most people live only a few dollars above the poverty line. I earn good money even by Western standards and I have high social status in this country; it is a very status-conscious society where status is conveyed both in verbal and body language; people there (even ones with high status themselves) address me as the equivalent of a Lord.

I'm telling you all this not to brag but to show you how badly I fucked it up with everything going for me: looks, money, status. In the beginning I was prudent; I didn't text too much, or only short messages, I kept it all positive. But I was too fast to open up to her and tell her what I felt about her (I did after the first date, even though in her country when a woman gives commitment it is very hard for her socially to withdraw...yes, very stupid!); I traveled on a job assignment and brought her back jewelry. I started texting her everyday. When her texts became shorter, I kept telling her about my days (yes, stupid!).

I was more or less aware of what was going on but I refused to see the situation clearly. I persuaded myself I had found love, all that I knew was bullshit, or she was the exception, and she'd love me for who I am, even though I myself didn't like who I was when I behaved like that.

How stupid, and how unfair of me- how can you expect someone to love what you, yourself, do not?

I could feel it breaking down, but I kept going. When she cancelled the next date with a bullshit excuse, telling me she had no time "for several weeks" I doubled down. At first I called her out and I made it clear I didn't like her behavior. She insisted she really had no time, she said she didn't have money to go out. The next day she deleted all of her pictures, wrote a post that said "I do too much wrong to myself," and didn't log back in for weeks.

I thought maybe she somehow thought I did not love her enough, or did not commit enough to her, that she thought I'd just play with her and send her away. So I sent her the longest message confessing my eternal love (...yes, stupid!) She said it was too early and for months after she refused to speak to me. I couldn't forget her, so I asked mutual friends to let her know to be clear with me, to tell me "no" once and for all, as I knew she'd done with other guys who'd courted her, but she would not do that.

I kept seeing her often; I had work meetings where she worked several times a week, almost every single week. She'd act like she didn't know me. Not a smile, not a single word, and it hurt me every single time, especially when I saw her interact very normally with guys I knew for a fact she'd romantically rejected. It felt very hurtful: not only do you have to reject me, but you also have to willfully completely ignore me?

I kept at this for a few months until a major personal tragedy struck- someone very innocent I cared for very much got very sick with a rare life-threatening disease. It felt as if the world was collapsing. But in that abyss of pain I realized, horribly, that I didn't feel that much worse after learning a young close relative was very sick than I did from heartbreak. I still feel great shame over this. All that pain, for months and months, had been all of my own making, and all of it for something relatively mundane everybody goes through.

That was a wake-up call and I began to take better care of myself, and to better appreciate the many blessings I have. I stopped trying to talk to that girl. Coincidentally, after a few weeks, she started liking my pictures again. I still saw her episodically, but I managed to arrange most work meetings at different places. I saw her last on the day I had to leave her country temporarily because of the coronavirus; I went to bid farewell to her boss, and she overheard me telling her boss I was leaving for a while. When her boss left, I saw her looking at me, so I turned to her and I said: "Take care of yourself," waved and walked out as she waved back.

I'm obviously still thinking about her, but it's not like it used to be. I don't harbor any anger anymore for what happened, but my overwhelming desire is for me to walk my own path now. In a few weeks, I should be returning to her country, where I am building a business. But I'm not afraid of what will happen with her. She messaged me again recently, on her own, we had a few short, lighthearted conversations and that was it. But when I get back there, what matters to me is to focus on myself, to continue building my business, and to enjoy the life I have there, with a lot of sun, a lot of friends, and a lot of things to do where I can make a large positive difference.

I wrote out a whole essay here and it wasn't always easy, but I wrote it all so you'd see where I'm coming from. What you write about I have experienced firsthand, and when I read through your stuff, it's like it all made sense. What I appreciate from you is the realism without the rancor, both in matters of power and dating. Your writings about sexual dynamics aren't full of hate or spite. They're just factual. And on power, you wrote somewhere else that ethics are important to you. That also very much resonated with me. What disturbed me with most of what I read on power was either that it seemed to be written by psychopaths - and it was hard to get behind what they wrote without feeling like one myself - or too naive. You strike a good balance.

I hope to be able to learn more from you and with you. The one question I have is on the content of your Power University course.

You offer so much good free stuff already (frankly, I thought there was some kind of bug on your website at the beginning, I thought I was seeing the paid area without paying for it- your articles actually explain what they purport to explain and don't send the reader to your class or book) that my last hangup before signing up to your course is - how could you possibly offer more in your course than you already do on your site?

Best regards, and grazie mille, Signore, lo apprezzo molto il tuo lavoro.

#2 · June 3, 2020, 6:02 am

Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on June 3, 2020, 6:02 am
Grazie, ulysses :).
Beautiful message, too.
That type of emotional, hard-hitting beauty mixed with a high emotional charge, and a touch of pain as well. Life, in a way. But also with a lot of realism, realistic optimism (check out "Learned Optimism"), the willingness to do better, and the knowledge that you can do better.
And a framework path to start walking that walk.
The story of every Ulysses.
So you're going in the right direction.
And thank you for sharing your experience, man.
Your story is similar to the story of many who expected a fairer world, and of those who had higher expectations for the people in it.
In a way, it's also my story.
I never stopped being disappointed or mildly disgusted at some of the low expressions of human behavior. But I see it as a good thing.
You do want to get rid of any naive expectations, and you want look at things as they are, and at people as they are, with their drives that can take them high or low.
But while you're a realist, you also want to maintain some of that idealism.
And, for yourself, you want to aim for higher and better. And that sense of slight disappointment and disgust is a reminder that you're on the right journey (including feeling some disgust for those politicians treating the subordinates like crap, truly gratuitous ass-holishness).
A couple of notes from your message:
Quote from ulysses on June 2, 2020, 9:24 pm
I kept at this for a few months until a major personal tragedy struck- someone very innocent I cared for very much got very sick with a rare life-threatening disease. It felt as if the world was collapsing. But in that abyss of pain I realized, horribly, that I didn't feel that much worse after learning a young close relative was very sick than I did from heartbreak. I still feel great shame over this. All that pain, for months and months, had been all of my own making, and all of it for something relatively mundane everybody goes through.
Totally OK, and normal.
Heartbreaks are mini-traumas and have some of the deepest mental effects that most people will ever experience in life.
Most people experience lack of sleep, or loss of appetite (both happened to me).
And some experience somatic symptoms as well.
So no need to feel bad there.
On Your Courtship Efforts
And yes, your actions were not the most effective.
Especially in that context.
On the other hand, know that your actions aren't necessarily 100% wrong at all times.
If she was behaving and investing the same, if her feelings were developing in the same direction, then that would have been the recipe for deep romance and love that sometimes do also happen in real life.
Of course, that wasn't the case there, so in that context, they only increased your own feelings, while decreasing hers.
There is a method to love, too, sometimes.
Was she a colleague?
Psychologically, it's far more common and easy to fall harder for a colleague or for someone you see more often, so you also have an extenuating circumstance.
And most of all, you know what the issues where.
You learned.
Quote from ulysses on June 2, 2020, 9:24 pm
I've had government advisors and senior officials in developing countries summon me to meetings in five-star hotels and propose to rig public contracts tendering in my favor without me ever asking for it (I had to be the one insisting they respect the rule of law and rejecting their entreaties).
Thank you for sharing that man.
Keep in mind that you have to be careful when that happens.
In some places and in some situations, refusing can put you in danger more so than accepting.
Unscrupulous people who wield a lot of power might come to see you as a stumbling block on their way to riches and success when you refuse their rig-job. And they might plot to get rid of you (for example you: framing you on same made-up charges).
The risk is higher with certain personalities and in semi-authoritarian regimes.
It might be a good idea to keep all the records of the message exchanges and possibly even record the conversations.
Quote from ulysses on June 2, 2020, 9:24 pm
I read in one of your articles, Lucio, words that really resonated with me, because it's something I've been thinking about for a long, long time myself. I don't want kindness out of weakness. Kindness out of weakness is no kindness; it is only submissiveness. There's nothing noble about being kind if you're being kind because it's your only choice. Real kindness comes from a position of power..
Yep, you said it.
100%.
Quote from ulysses on June 2, 2020, 9:24 pm
I hope to be able to learn more from you and with you. The one question I have is on the content of your Power University course.
You offer so much good free stuff already (frankly, I thought there was some kind of bug on your website at the beginning, I thought I was seeing the paid area without paying for it- your articles actually explain what they purport to explain and don't send the reader to your class or book) that my last hangup before signing up to your course is - how could you possibly offer more in your course than you already do on your site?
Best regards, and grazie mille, Signore, lo apprezzo molto il tuo lavoro.
Power University puts everything together and in order.
In terms of general quantity, there might be more in all the articles.
That's because Power University is built around the core principles, and meant to be quick enough for people to go through within a reasonable time frame.
But in Power University there is more around those core principles.
That's for a few reasons:
It was only fair that I gave something more to the paying customers
Some of the examples and stories I use there couldn't be published publicly, for one reason or another
Some articles on core concepts -frame, for example- would have been too long for an article-. But since they are core concepts, I do flash them out better in the course
And finally, there are a few added benefits and bells and whistles like quizzes and tests.
P.S.: you certainly made me curious about where you're based.
My guess was Vietnman, or Myanmar

Grazie, ulysses :).

Beautiful message, too.
That type of emotional, hard-hitting beauty mixed with a high emotional charge, and a touch of pain as well. Life, in a way. But also with a lot of realism, realistic optimism (check out "Learned Optimism"), the willingness to do better, and the knowledge that you can do better.

And a framework path to start walking that walk.

The story of every Ulysses.
So you're going in the right direction.

And thank you for sharing your experience, man.
Your story is similar to the story of many who expected a fairer world, and of those who had higher expectations for the people in it.

In a way, it's also my story.
I never stopped being disappointed or mildly disgusted at some of the low expressions of human behavior. But I see it as a good thing.
You do want to get rid of any naive expectations, and you want look at things as they are, and at people as they are, with their drives that can take them high or low.
But while you're a realist, you also want to maintain some of that idealism.
And, for yourself, you want to aim for higher and better. And that sense of slight disappointment and disgust is a reminder that you're on the right journey (including feeling some disgust for those politicians treating the subordinates like crap, truly gratuitous ass-holishness).

A couple of notes from your message:

Quote from ulysses on June 2, 2020, 9:24 pm
I kept at this for a few months until a major personal tragedy struck- someone very innocent I cared for very much got very sick with a rare life-threatening disease. It felt as if the world was collapsing. But in that abyss of pain I realized, horribly, that I didn't feel that much worse after learning a young close relative was very sick than I did from heartbreak. I still feel great shame over this. All that pain, for months and months, had been all of my own making, and all of it for something relatively mundane everybody goes through.

Totally OK, and normal.

Heartbreaks are mini-traumas and have some of the deepest mental effects that most people will ever experience in life.

Most people experience lack of sleep, or loss of appetite (both happened to me).
And some experience somatic symptoms as well.

So no need to feel bad there.

On Your Courtship Efforts

And yes, your actions were not the most effective.

Especially in that context.

On the other hand, know that your actions aren't necessarily 100% wrong at all times.
If she was behaving and investing the same, if her feelings were developing in the same direction, then that would have been the recipe for deep romance and love that sometimes do also happen in real life.

Of course, that wasn't the case there, so in that context, they only increased your own feelings, while decreasing hers.
There is a method to love, too, sometimes.

Was she a colleague?
Psychologically, it's far more common and easy to fall harder for a colleague or for someone you see more often, so you also have an extenuating circumstance.

And most of all, you know what the issues where.
You learned.

Quote from ulysses on June 2, 2020, 9:24 pm
I've had government advisors and senior officials in developing countries summon me to meetings in five-star hotels and propose to rig public contracts tendering in my favor without me ever asking for it (I had to be the one insisting they respect the rule of law and rejecting their entreaties).

Thank you for sharing that man.

Keep in mind that you have to be careful when that happens.

In some places and in some situations, refusing can put you in danger more so than accepting.

Unscrupulous people who wield a lot of power might come to see you as a stumbling block on their way to riches and success when you refuse their rig-job. And they might plot to get rid of you (for example you: framing you on same made-up charges).
The risk is higher with certain personalities and in semi-authoritarian regimes.

It might be a good idea to keep all the records of the message exchanges and possibly even record the conversations.

Quote from ulysses on June 2, 2020, 9:24 pm
I read in one of your articles, Lucio, words that really resonated with me, because it's something I've been thinking about for a long, long time myself. I don't want kindness out of weakness. Kindness out of weakness is no kindness; it is only submissiveness. There's nothing noble about being kind if you're being kind because it's your only choice. Real kindness comes from a position of power..

Yep, you said it.
100%.

Quote from ulysses on June 2, 2020, 9:24 pm
I hope to be able to learn more from you and with you. The one question I have is on the content of your Power University course.
You offer so much good free stuff already (frankly, I thought there was some kind of bug on your website at the beginning, I thought I was seeing the paid area without paying for it- your articles actually explain what they purport to explain and don't send the reader to your class or book) that my last hangup before signing up to your course is - how could you possibly offer more in your course than you already do on your site?
Best regards, and grazie mille, Signore, lo apprezzo molto il tuo lavoro.

Power University puts everything together and in order.

In terms of general quantity, there might be more in all the articles.
That's because Power University is built around the core principles, and meant to be quick enough for people to go through within a reasonable time frame.

But in Power University there is more around those core principles.

That's for a few reasons:

It was only fair that I gave something more to the paying customers
Some of the examples and stories I use there couldn't be published publicly, for one reason or another
Some articles on core concepts -frame, for example- would have been too long for an article-. But since they are core concepts, I do flash them out better in the course

And finally, there are a few added benefits and bells and whistles like quizzes and tests.

P.S.: you certainly made me curious about where you're based.
My guess was Vietnman, or Myanmar

Community, new content and Confidence University now available here.

#3 · June 3, 2020, 4:05 pm

Quote from ulysses on June 3, 2020, 4:05 pm
Lucio, thank you for your thoughtful answer, much appreciated.
I think, although we come at life from very different angles, we have somehow developed a similar outlook - at least, ethically speaking.
The way you say in your message above that it is important to look at the way things are and recognize them as such very much reminded me of the basic tenets of traditional Buddhism. Meditation is thought of as a tool for the Buddha and for his followers (and the monks first among them) to see things as they really are. Buddhism as a school of thought and philosophy very much emphasizes the importance of a proper understanding of reality (the teachings of the Buddha are referred to as the Dhamma or Dharma, words that in Sanskrit/Pali mean "reality") so as not to be disappointed by it.
You are way ahead of me in terms of understanding social power and I have much to learn from you - I'll be happy to get started! What I find particularly motivating is that you're here to help along and as your post above demonstrates, you're engaged in the exchange. I get the feeling that you're in this because you're genuinely fascinated by the topic and while you have a stake in the success of this forum because it's a way for you to earn a living (which is perfectly fine!) I don't think you're doing it for the money, I think you're doing it mostly because that's what you want to be doing, and your course is more of a way of supporting your research than your research is a way to support your course. That is where describing your course as a "university" may be particularly accurate; a university professor teaches but also researches with his students (as opposed to the high-school teacher who only imparts knowledge without seeking to develop it).
Is there a way to PM or email you? I'd be happy to let you know where I'm based but I don't want to do so publicly, especially with the details I shared ;-) (Although none of the professional anecdotes related above happened in the country where I'm from or in the country where I'm based, but rather in other countries where I also operate)

Lucio, thank you for your thoughtful answer, much appreciated.

I think, although we come at life from very different angles, we have somehow developed a similar outlook - at least, ethically speaking.

The way you say in your message above that it is important to look at the way things are and recognize them as such very much reminded me of the basic tenets of traditional Buddhism. Meditation is thought of as a tool for the Buddha and for his followers (and the monks first among them) to see things as they really are. Buddhism as a school of thought and philosophy very much emphasizes the importance of a proper understanding of reality (the teachings of the Buddha are referred to as the Dhamma or Dharma, words that in Sanskrit/Pali mean "reality") so as not to be disappointed by it.

You are way ahead of me in terms of understanding social power and I have much to learn from you - I'll be happy to get started! What I find particularly motivating is that you're here to help along and as your post above demonstrates, you're engaged in the exchange. I get the feeling that you're in this because you're genuinely fascinated by the topic and while you have a stake in the success of this forum because it's a way for you to earn a living (which is perfectly fine!) I don't think you're doing it for the money, I think you're doing it mostly because that's what you want to be doing, and your course is more of a way of supporting your research than your research is a way to support your course. That is where describing your course as a "university" may be particularly accurate; a university professor teaches but also researches with his students (as opposed to the high-school teacher who only imparts knowledge without seeking to develop it).

Is there a way to PM or email you? I'd be happy to let you know where I'm based but I don't want to do so publicly, especially with the details I shared ;-) (Although none of the professional anecdotes related above happened in the country where I'm from or in the country where I'm based, but rather in other countries where I also operate)