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Another guy painting you negatively

#1 · September 29, 2021, 4:14 pm

Here is one of the interactions I have seen from a dating channel.

The video includes a random guy entering a conversation between "guy A" and a girl and framing the guy in a negative way.

The frame he puts seems very obvious though the tricky part is to get out of it.

Random guy to Girl : You look so cute together, how long have you known each other?
Girl : 3 days.
Random guy : when I look at you it seems like you (looking at guy A) are trying to get her and she is like "No, you are my friend, it's so funny".(looks at girl and smiles)

Video link is below.

https://jumpshare.com/v/kCZEi59tkZRjrW3sv2SH

My thoughts to get out of this frame by Guy A is this

Guy A : You have quite the admirer here, seems like he thinks everyone will be after you.

What are your thoughts on how to get out of this frame?

#2 · October 4, 2021, 5:55 pm

Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on October 4, 2021, 5:55 pm
Words matter.
Far more than the 7% of the often misquoted study you hear everywhere.
BUT they're not the only thing, and especially in this case, it mattered less than your action.
As a matter of fact, I might have not said anything here to the guy.
This interaction could be an ad for the importance of power-awareness.
Mistakes
This (early) BF had far more leverage -and power- than the intruder, but first gave it all away, and then failed to use what was left to retain control.
First mistake: the BF laughed, reacted, and entered the intruder's frame -and did so as a lower power follower-. He assumed the intruder was a friendly force, but it was already possible to assume he wasn't
Second mistake: to stay on the assumption the intruder was a friendly force in spite of plenty of signs he was there to take and disempower
Third mistake: the BF's power decreased each second the interaction continued, and he did nothing to change the trend. He didn't decrease his warmth, he didn't increase his dominance (not even on a direct challenge), he didn't one-up back
Fourth mistake: he failed to leverage the social capital he had from 3 days of interacting with the woman / being a BF / being out together that night.
Chances are he had the power to stop her from going. But whether he had it or not, he should have tried to do so anyway.
Had he succeeded, he'd have effectively foiled the intruder and re-taken her respect.
Had he failed, he would have gotten a fundamentally important message about his relationship (ie.: she either wasn't relationship material, or he wasn't enough of a high-value man and leader)
How to handle it
One option to handle this was the ignore/unreactive approach.
For example, stand by the side, say absolutely nothing to him, do not act friendly, do not smile, do not enter his frame in any way.
And keep an eye on everything -in a way, a great opportunity to assess his GF: would she stand by him?-.
Had he done that, she would have been less likely to follow the intruder.
But if she did, stop her by pulling her hand.
When the girl would turn around and ask "what's going on", he'd have said seriously and in a flat tone, but not angry: "I don't like this guy, stay here". Then she would have known she was with no pushover who gets cucked in front of his very eyes.

Words matter.
Far more than the 7% of the often misquoted study you hear everywhere.

BUT they're not the only thing, and especially in this case, it mattered less than your action.

As a matter of fact, I might have not said anything here to the guy.

This interaction could be an ad for the importance of power-awareness.

Mistakes

This (early) BF had far more leverage -and power- than the intruder, but first gave it all away, and then failed to use what was left to retain control.

First mistake: the BF laughed, reacted, and entered the intruder's frame -and did so as a lower power follower-. He assumed the intruder was a friendly force, but it was already possible to assume he wasn't
Second mistake: to stay on the assumption the intruder was a friendly force in spite of plenty of signs he was there to take and disempower
Third mistake: the BF's power decreased each second the interaction continued, and he did nothing to change the trend. He didn't decrease his warmth, he didn't increase his dominance (not even on a direct challenge), he didn't one-up back
Fourth mistake: he failed to leverage the social capital he had from 3 days of interacting with the woman / being a BF / being out together that night.
Chances are he had the power to stop her from going. But whether he had it or not, he should have tried to do so anyway.
Had he succeeded, he'd have effectively foiled the intruder and re-taken her respect.
Had he failed, he would have gotten a fundamentally important message about his relationship (ie.: she either wasn't relationship material, or he wasn't enough of a high-value man and leader)

How to handle it

One option to handle this was the ignore/unreactive approach.

For example, stand by the side, say absolutely nothing to him, do not act friendly, do not smile, do not enter his frame in any way.

And keep an eye on everything -in a way, a great opportunity to assess his GF: would she stand by him?-.

Had he done that, she would have been less likely to follow the intruder.
But if she did, stop her by pulling her hand.
When the girl would turn around and ask "what's going on", he'd have said seriously and in a flat tone, but not angry: "I don't like this guy, stay here". Then she would have known she was with no pushover who gets cucked in front of his very eyes.

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#3 · November 6, 2021, 11:46 am

Had a similar situation happen a couple of nights before to me.

Except I was talking to this new girl I met only a couple of minutes ago.

The guy said this to the girl.

Disruptive guy : How do you guys know each other? He seems so into you. Why did you friendzone someone like this guy?
Me : Do you know this guy? He seems to like you a lot.

Didn't work much and the girl lost interest in both of us.

How would you have handled this situation? Feel free to share your thoughts