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Bel's thoughts
Quote from Bel on November 8, 2022, 4:26 pmNew insights into law firm client dynamics
Today I got two new insights. Here they are:
To be successful, a law firm (but probably any business) needs to be pre-framed as already successful and, most importantly, not needing any specific client
When I started out, I made the mistake of "thanking" people for giving me business, and this no doubt made my startup period more lenghty and more difficult for all sorts of reasons.
I should have done what I am doing now: subcommunicating I would like to help people, but I don't strictly need any specific client.
This realization also probably explains most of the power moves I was encountering. Thanking people for asking for my help was one of the things I was doing that drove away normal people, and pre-selected manipulative people who could see the opportunity for social-scalping.
Yes.
Albeit even there: balance and context -not that you ever said otherwise, and I think you also know that-.
Balance because you can certainly overdo it, and context because this can also turn into a "glass ceiling behavior".
Such as, if the customer already knows or thinks of you as super high-status and good and then you're also kind, then he thinks "wow, what at truly all-around great professional".
Like Stef said on this forum: we call high power and kind "magnanimous".
Think for example of you walking into a top-rated restaurant that you already know is often packed and has a lot of customers.
If their staff behaves like they're doing you a favor and the last thing they want is your business, you're not going to have a very good experience nad like them much -but you may still go to impress a date or enjoy the food-.
But if they serve the best food, are packed, don't strictly need you BUT they also thank you from the heart for your presence and business, you're going to like them a lot more and probably far more likely to recommend them and go back more often.
For all the other situations when people don't know you yet, when you're still starting out and/or when they're more likely to think of you as having a lot of free time, then it's more like you say.
So, paradoxically, my insight made more sense for when I started out than for now. Now, with established clients, I probably can thank people for their business, and that's going to increase fidelity rather than drive them away.
Ok, here's two ultra-specific refinement ideas for myself that I am only writing 'cause I want to eradicate all bad behaviors and that inextricably confirm my super-ultra-nerdy detail orientation.
- About answering "how are you" at the start of professional communication:
Probably better to "fully answer and ask back", rather than "skip the answer and ask back":
Other: Hey Bel, how are you? Can we talk about ...
Not ideal answer: Hi X, hope everything's good. Sure, let's talk on...
Better answer: Hi X, I'm good, hope everything's good for you. Sure, let's talk on...
Skipping the answer may subcommunicate treating the "ask" as a perfunctory communication; which may even be, but the message to be subcommunicated is the opposite (ie, that I value the client as a person and am happy that he is asking).
- About handling situations where the client asks for support and the best solution is to direct the client to do something himself
It's better to (almost always) expressly explain to the client that the suggestion for him to do something (eg send an email) is not due to me not wanting to get involved, but in his interest.
Otherwise there's a risk he may think I don't want to "waste my time", even though it's not the case.
And of course just made these two "mistakes" today [facepalm]! But hopefully now for the last time.
On seeing the power dynamics, and acting normal
Today I was at a clothing store with my partner, and the clerk started playing a bit of power games on me, to sell more to my partner.
At the start, my partner tried a dress on and the clerk said:
Clerk: (to me) How is it?
Me: It's nice!
Clerk: It's not nice, it's beautiful.
I immediately thought this was a nasty judge move, but didn't say anything.
Then the clerk basically tried to look at me, more than once, as if she wanted me to act as her ally in selling clothes to my partner; I acted a bit dismissive though, and either didn't fully look at her, only turning my head in her direction a bit, or didn't answer, or didn't answer fully.
At a certain point this exchange happened:
Clerk: You know, guys, in life you have to act on things. Otherwise you'll find out that later what you want is not there anymore.
Me: Ah, but we are totally the opposite. We like to think things through very much.
Then later, with another clothing piece:
Clerk: You have to convince her to buy this!
Me: No, I'll stay on the side of my wife.
At the end I was a bit annoyed, and thought I didn't do too well and should probably have responded more forcefully.
But then, when we went out, my partner said to me that:
- the cashier had looked at the clerk all the time, and clearly signaled to her more than once to "cut it off", and
- the other clerk at the end had approached the clerk that was serving us, and made some critical remarks about how she handled our visit.
So I thought: in most "uncertain" situations, just not getting derailed (in the sense of not letting oneself be pushed "out of balance", which would have made me the "out of place" guy) is probably just enough.
And then the bystanders will feel that I am behaving normally, and the person playing power games is expending more and more effort for nothing, and coming out more and more out of place socially.
Yeah, you did well Bel.
Dismissive is a good all-season iron horse.
You can also be dismissive with "yeah-yeahing" by the way, so on paper and on the surface agreeing, but with tonality and body language of remaining distant and unconvinced.
Sounds like a person who's just finished some books like "how to sell anything to anyone" and don't realize that throwing a bunch of techniques at people without rapport and subtlety backfires far more often than not -the basics of human connection matter most, even in sales-.
Have you thought about some comments like these ones:
You: eheh you're such a (good) salesperson / flatterer
That's mostly good for soft approach salespersons, like the ones who compliment a lot.
Or:
You: wow, it almost seems like you're trying to sell something
The goal is to uncover the maneuvers and go straight to this person's (covert) goal.
Once his bias is on the table, any more "techniques" sound annoying and like he's pursuing his selfish goal instead of helping you.
Thank you Lucio, that's pure magic!
Surfacing by commenting on what she was doing. I will totally do that next time this happens.
Also the concept of being dismissive by yeah-yeahing (superficially agreeing but conveying distance by tonality and body language). It's great!
These are definitely higher power than what I did, but still within the "socially acceptable" realm, so they are very useful in situations like these.
I am going through PU again and hope to internalize more.
Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on October 19, 2022, 3:40 pmQuote from Bel on October 19, 2022, 3:16 pmI think I'll follow your feedback fully and thus also just remove the entire "skills" list from my profile. Having one does subcommunicate being "looking for useless recognition".
Yeah, I think it's a good idea.
That section screams of useless recognition, as you say.
And it's too easy to game that system: you just need to endorse others a lot.
So if you got many upvotes, most power-aware folks know it doesn't really say you have a certain skill, but that you probably wasted too much time endorsing random folks.
Alternatively, that one is so popular that people use that easy way of giving to kiss up to him -but then, he probably wouldn't need that section, and keeping it there feels like no-added value bragging-.
I have some feedback on these "LinkedIn principles": I removed the skills section as per above, and I made one other change to my profile, by substituting "I assist..." with "My practice assists..." in the general description.
Now I'm starting to get one or two connection requests by strangers (mostly other lawyers) per week. Which before happened much more rarely.
I'm also thinking there is a sort of "number of connections/followers power scale principle", in that a stranger is more likely to accept a connection request if one has more contacts than him or her, and viceversa. This seems to imply it might make sense to increase the number of connections/followers to make a better impression on potential clients, even if they come through channels other than LinkedIn.
Thank you so much for this update, Bel!
If I had to guess, I think that the description mattered more than the skills' section.
TPM also uses a similar approach to self-description and goes for the "we" -albeit the way I see it it's actually a fair description given how important the community has been both for the development and the decisions-.
Thank you, Lucio.
Just for my future reference: I was involved in a new contract requested by one of my professional contacts for another person, whom I have not met or talked to but that was in copy in all related emails.
I waited some time and then I asked to connect with this person on Linkedin, but he did not accept.
Thus the learning for me is that, when real people are involved, best to always wait for a direct contact before asking to connect on Linkedin. Which also avoids subcommunicating I "want something".
Yes, what you say makes sense.
However, and you may know this better, it's entirely possible he doesn't even use Linkedin all that much.
Linkedin and Linkedin use in itself follows the ceiling concept.
Very low level can't even make anything out of it.
Middle level engages in it a lot, and sees number of connections as status/power.
Very high level doesn't use it all and/or lets other people post for him/use Linkedin for him and sees heavy use of it as the sign that one "hasn't made it".
