Beyond approval addiction

#31 · April 4, 2021, 3:55 am

Lucas, great journal!
I really like your courage in facing your fears/self doubts in social situations. It's inspiring to see that in other people. In fact, I can learn a thing or two from your mentality. It's a positive, and forward facing mind-set. It's very proactive. I can see the contrast between where you are at in life, and where I am. You're positive about facing your social goals. And I'm a bit more focused on myself, and John said I was lacking warmth... I think you come across as warm. You have a playfulness to life that I lost somewhere along the way.
I like reading about your self-exposure experiments. It's inspiring me to do the same!
You have huevos!

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#32 · April 4, 2021, 7:21 pm

Thanks JM - I appreciate the encouragement 😉 ... I've definitely found in the past that 'exposure therapy' has been what has worked for me.. I just allowed myself to slip out of practice a bit, so here I am pushing forward once again... self-transformation is a marathon not a sprint - that's one thing I know for sure!

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#33 · December 13, 2021, 9:14 pm

Quote from ZenDancer on December 13, 2021, 9:14 pm
Hi there peeps,

So this past week has been challenging and a little frustrating. I’ve been putting myself out there more and, while I’ve been doing well at initiating in ‘safer’ spaces like bars and cafes, it feels like I’ve hit a wall with daygame. I guess approaching someone cold in the street is one of the most difficult things for an approval addict like me to do, but I also know it will be an important part of my dating efforts in the weeks and months ahead. I’m not going to spend a whole lot of time in bars and clubs - I like some time in bars, but I have a hectic schedule and a lot of very early mornings, so it’s not something I’m going to be doing a whole hell of a lot…

Anyhooo… I decided to try some daytime for the first time in, oh, about 10 years… and to cut a long story short, approach anxiety completely floored me. This past week I went out on my lunch breaks to take a stroll around and see if I couldn’t get talking to any attractive women. There were a ton of opportunities, but I just couldn’t seem to get past that inner block of fear that prevented me from approaching and initiating. It’s interesting at the same time, because now when I see an attractive women and do nothing, it feels like a lost opportunity in a way it didn’t before..

I know I have it in me to make approaches in the street… I’ve done some pretty ballsy stuff in the past, and if I did it before I can do it again. I also know it will get a whole lot easier after the first few are out of the way… but last week was frustrating indeed! I know I need to just keep trying, and I’ll get there… and once I’ve managed a few approaches it will start to get better and more natural

On a more positive note, conversations in cafes and bars have been going well, and I had a date with a cute Italian girl last week…

As the name of this journal suggests, my goal here is to confront and overcome my fears… and some of those fears are very deep and very ingrained… I WILL do it though…. I’ve come face to face with that fear now, for the first time in a very long time, and I now know what I’m dealing with… Onward!

Hi there peeps,

So this past week has been challenging and a little frustrating. I’ve been putting myself out there more and, while I’ve been doing well at initiating in ‘safer’ spaces like bars and cafes, it feels like I’ve hit a wall with daygame. I guess approaching someone cold in the street is one of the most difficult things for an approval addict like me to do, but I also know it will be an important part of my dating efforts in the weeks and months ahead. I’m not going to spend a whole lot of time in bars and clubs - I like some time in bars, but I have a hectic schedule and a lot of very early mornings, so it’s not something I’m going to be doing a whole hell of a lot…

Anyhooo… I decided to try some daytime for the first time in, oh, about 10 years… and to cut a long story short, approach anxiety completely floored me. This past week I went out on my lunch breaks to take a stroll around and see if I couldn’t get talking to any attractive women. There were a ton of opportunities, but I just couldn’t seem to get past that inner block of fear that prevented me from approaching and initiating. It’s interesting at the same time, because now when I see an attractive women and do nothing, it feels like a lost opportunity in a way it didn’t before..

I know I have it in me to make approaches in the street… I’ve done some pretty ballsy stuff in the past, and if I did it before I can do it again. I also know it will get a whole lot easier after the first few are out of the way… but last week was frustrating indeed! I know I need to just keep trying, and I’ll get there… and once I’ve managed a few approaches it will start to get better and more natural

On a more positive note, conversations in cafes and bars have been going well, and I had a date with a cute Italian girl last week…

As the name of this journal suggests, my goal here is to confront and overcome my fears… and some of those fears are very deep and very ingrained… I WILL do it though…. I’ve come face to face with that fear now, for the first time in a very long time, and I now know what I’m dealing with… Onward!

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#34 · December 14, 2021, 1:57 am

Quote from ZenDancer on December 13, 2021, 9:14 pm

Anyhooo… I decided to try some daytime for the first time in, oh, about 10 years… and to cut a long story short, approach anxiety completely floored me. This past week I went out on my lunch breaks to take a stroll around and see if I couldn’t get talking to any attractive women. There were a ton of opportunities, but I just couldn’t seem to get past that inner block of fear that prevented me from approaching and initiating. It’s interesting at the same time, because now when I see an attractive women and do nothing, it feels like a lost opportunity in a way it didn’t before..

Have you thought about going out with someone?

Having someone out with you can make the world of difference:

You have someone to keep you social -then approaching is less about "cold approaching" and more about talking with someone else rather than your friend-
You have someone to go back to in case of failure -it's like having a solid base to retreat, it makes it psychologically safer-
You have an accountability partner. When someone tells you "go there", your approval addiction wants the approval of your friend, rather than the girl

Quote from ZenDancer on December 13, 2021, 9:14 pm

On a more positive note, conversations in cafes and bars have been going well, and I had a date with a cute Italian girl last week…

Nice.

P.S.:
Good to see you again 🙂

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#35 · December 14, 2021, 8:51 pm

Thanks Lucio! Yes indeed... a bit of 'collaborative company' would go a long way... I've just landed over to my sister's house where I'm staying for Christmas, so i'm not going to have a whole ton of approaching opportunities for the next two weeks, but I'm going to see if I can't find someone who would be up for a bit of approaching in the new year... ☺️

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