Please or Register to create posts and topics.

Defending against "you're a genius"

Good stuff, thanks. I get it.

However, this conflicts with what I understood earlier from PU: don't let someone use a disempowering frame on you. Or don't use a disempowering frame on yourself. Or don't amplify a negative thread on yourself.

Because this looks like amplifying on the thread: "you're dumb, I'm smart". To me it's like amplifying a disempowering frame. I understand how JB went meta as I highlighted it earlier in this thread. I kind of understand the difference. However, I don't understand the different use cases and the structure of it. I would understand better with 1 example where it's not good to amplify the thread and 1 example where it's good to amplify the thread. I understand it has a lot to do with how you feel inside, though.

It does seem quite challenging to get intuitively.
Let's discuss this further.

Amplifying

"Accepting the turkey's game and playing with it."

Amplifying would be to enhance the person's frame.

Him: You're a genius!

Me: I certainly am! (enthusiasm)

(or) You got that right!

Letting the Turkey Have Its Fun

"Ahhh little turkey playing games. Have fun little turkey."

Here you are pretending to accept the one-down position.
But the sarcasm is overt enough for everyone to realise you're being sarcastic.
You let the person go down his own frame rather than enhance it.
The irony suggests that the frame is ridiculous as well.

I agree that my example can be phrased better.

Him: You're a genius!

Me: Wow, you're asking for a lot. (sarcastic with elongated syllabuses)

Another Example

Amplifying

Him: Maybe you should work on your fashion

Me: I will totally spend 2 hours looking at the mirror everyday!

Letting the Turkey Have Its Fun

Him: Maybe you should work on your fashion

Me: Go ahead and wear Gucci! (sarcastic with elongated syllabuses)

Quote from Matthew Whitewood on January 3, 2021, 11:31 am

It does seem quite challenging to get intuitively.
Let's discuss this further.

Amplifying

"Accepting the turkey's game and playing with it."

Amplifying would be to enhance the person's frame.

Him: You're a genius!

Me: I certainly am! (enthusiasm)

(or) You got that right!

I don't think this is an example of amplifying. As in this case, the remark is sarcastic. It formally is but not in the sense that it amplify: "you're dumb". Here it is a formal interpretation of the remark, so it is a reframing: "I'm not dumb, I'm smart".

Letting the Turkey Have Its Fun

"Ahhh little turkey playing games. Have fun little turkey."

Here you are pretending to accept the one-down position.
But the sarcasm is overt enough for everyone to realise you're being sarcastic.
You let the person go down his own frame rather than enhance it.
The irony suggests that the frame is ridiculous as well.

I agree that my example can be phrased better.

Him: You're a genius!

Me: Wow, you're asking for a lot. (sarcastic with elongated syllabuses)

I understand as it is the same as we previously discussed. But I don't think it answers my question.

Another Example

Amplifying

Him: Maybe you should work on your fashion

Me: I will totally spend 2 hours looking at the mirror everyday!

I understand and I'm not sure it is relevant to my question, though. This is more like one-up.

Letting the Turkey Have Its Fun

Him: Maybe you should work on your fashion

Me: Go ahead and wear Gucci! (sarcastic with elongated syllabuses)

Same as above.

I'm not sure how to make my question more clear. Let me know what is not clear in my question please.

Quote from John Freeman on January 3, 2021, 11:08 am

However, this conflicts with what I understood earlier from PU: don't let someone use a disempowering frame on you. Or don't use a disempowering frame on yourself. Or don't amplify a negative thread on yourself.

Because this looks like amplifying on the thread: "you're dumb, I'm smart". To me it's like amplifying a disempowering frame. I understand how JB went meta as I highlighted it earlier in this thread. I kind of understand the difference. However, I don't understand the different use cases and the structure of it. I would understand better with 1 example where it's not good to amplify the thread and 1 example where it's good to amplify the thread. I understand it has a lot to do with how you feel inside, though.

Correct, the general rule stands.

When in doubt, better to go with the general rule.

He did amplify the negative thread, in a way (but not in a highly damaging way, since by making a better joke, he also indirectly showed he was far better than that).

So if JB didn't like A., or if he wanted to compete for social power, he would have better not said that.
But if his position was more like "I don't care about A. pulling cheap power moves, I'm here to have a laugh, and add value", or if he was new in the group, then it was a great reply, since he improved on the joke and added value.

So, yes, it's partially about "how you feel inside", which colors the way you frame the different actions (and which is why the "over-analyzing phase" shouldn't last for ever, or people end up seeing too many power moves), but also about "what's your position VS his position in the social hierarchy" and "what are your goals within that social hierarchy".

John Freeman has reacted to this post.
John Freeman
Have you read the forum guidelines for effective communication already?

Thanks, very clear. Got it.

Indeed, JB is not so laid back when he got pissed about the social hierarchy he cares about: its housesharing.

Lucio Buffalmano has reacted to this post.
Lucio Buffalmano

Based on what you said, I got a great benefit. Now that I have an exit strategy with Canada, I don't care anymore about the social hierarchy I'm in. I'm getting out of the small pond. So I feel way more free at work now. And happier.

Cheers for this idea!

Matthew Whitewood has reacted to this post.
Matthew Whitewood

I talked today with my hairdresser about social dynamics and value-takers.

Here is his defense against “you’re a genius” (mirror type of defense + going higher):

”There’s a genius sleeping inside of you. Too bad he never woke up”.

Enjoy!

Processing...