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Defense: carpet seller insult

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Quote from Matthew Whitewood on February 10, 2021, 2:11 pm

In general, I'm guessing to avoid meeting aggression with aggression?

In general, it can be a good idea, albeit exceptions apply.

But where it's more important, is when the aggression is nasty and obviously "unacceptable" by a certain group.

This was nasty, and racist.

It was relatively easy to win this one by being superior and framing as nasty, so it was a strategic opportunity not to lose.

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Matthew Whitewood
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Thanks Lucio.

My interpretation here is that, whenever you can expose a value-taking behaviour to everyone around in an obvious way to a reasonably degree, it's the best opportunity to recruit social pressure to draw boundaries.

No need to fight wars or escalate. It also frames yourself indirectly as someone who does not play these kind of nasty games.

Yeah, and what I'd like to also stress is that assertiveness, in this case, is no less powerful than aggression back.

Stopping the flow for a moment with "wait a moment" creates a mini social vacuum and draws a lot of attention from everyone.

In many ways, that's more powerful and more emotionally grounded than attacking right back.

Instead of two turkeys scratching, now you have one guy who stands up and says "not cool: what was that? Explain".

Have you read the forum guidelines for effective communication already?

Thanks Lucio, helps a lot.

You're elevating yourself to the person who enforces proper social conduct and value-adding behaviour.

If you do that enough times to discourage value-taking behaviour, you demonstrate very good leadership capabilities.
Part of being a leader is setting a good culture and stopping value-taking behaviour in your social environment.

Exactly.

The aggression against aggression is fair, and it's high power.
But you go at the same level of the aggressor (ie.: stoop down).

The assertive one is also fair, and equally high power.
Plus, it goes higher, it recruits others around on your side, and it's leader-like.

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