Definitive dictionary of power

#171 · December 16, 2022, 5:47 am

Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on December 16, 2022, 5:47 am
From Bel's thread:

Quote from Bel on December 16, 2022, 4:15 am

Here's one social climbing power move I only fully understand now:

Equating another person's present situation to one's own past situation, and speaking of the latter in extremely derogatory terms, while implying the speaker is over it

Example:

Yeah, I understand. Before I learned this, like you I also was constantly making a fool of myself.

It works by covering the insult in a false self-deprecating similarity. The self-deprecation (and the similarity as well) is false, because the speaker is presenting his past situation as already over.

So his loss of public status, assuming there is one, is infinitely smaller than the one he is forcing on the other.

It also packs in a teacher/learner frame punch for maximum effect.

And the fake "closeness", as well.

The fact that the power-move is intentional can be desumed from the extremely derogatory terms used by the power mover. In fact, if one did not intend to power move, he or she would not use derogatory terms in this situation. In other words: the more derogatory the terms, the more intentional the move.

Solution: reframe as his situation only, magnify the closeness (to paint his "self-deprecation" in a new light) and differentiate one's own situation.

Woah, it must have been tough man. In my case though it should mostly be a matter of tweaking a couple things.

By the way: while writing the above, I also see how one can eliminate the teacher/learner frame subtly:

reframe the challenge as different

reframe the solution proposed by the teacher as not pertinent

reframe the issue as smaller than the one the teacher must have encountered in his life.

How about:

Manipulative relating

Relating power move

The cover of their power move is to relate.

Legit relating is a great technique to power-protect, bond, and make others feel good and accepted.
It's part of "normalizing" whatever one says or may feel bad about.

This is a mis-use of relating to instead thread-expand and make the victim's situation seem larger and worse, while also social climbing to show that they "solved it and moved on".

From Bel's thread:

Quote from Bel on December 16, 2022, 4:15 am

Here's one social climbing power move I only fully understand now:

Equating another person's present situation to one's own past situation, and speaking of the latter in extremely derogatory terms, while implying the speaker is over it

Example:

Yeah, I understand. Before I learned this, like you I also was constantly making a fool of myself.

It works by covering the insult in a false self-deprecating similarity. The self-deprecation (and the similarity as well) is false, because the speaker is presenting his past situation as already over.

So his loss of public status, assuming there is one, is infinitely smaller than the one he is forcing on the other.

It also packs in a teacher/learner frame punch for maximum effect.

And the fake "closeness", as well.

The fact that the power-move is intentional can be desumed from the extremely derogatory terms used by the power mover. In fact, if one did not intend to power move, he or she would not use derogatory terms in this situation. In other words: the more derogatory the terms, the more intentional the move.

Solution: reframe as his situation only, magnify the closeness (to paint his "self-deprecation" in a new light) and differentiate one's own situation.

Woah, it must have been tough man. In my case though it should mostly be a matter of tweaking a couple things.

By the way: while writing the above, I also see how one can eliminate the teacher/learner frame subtly:

reframe the challenge as different

reframe the solution proposed by the teacher as not pertinent

reframe the issue as smaller than the one the teacher must have encountered in his life.

How about:

Manipulative relating
Relating power move

The cover of their power move is to relate.

Legit relating is a great technique to power-protect, bond, and make others feel good and accepted.
It's part of "normalizing" whatever one says or may feel bad about.

This is a mis-use of relating to instead thread-expand and make the victim's situation seem larger and worse, while also social climbing to show that they "solved it and moved on".

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#172 · December 16, 2022, 5:12 pm

Power protecting is better I think.

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#173 · December 17, 2022, 3:35 am

Thank you John, super helpful.

So "power protecting" it is, I guess.

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#174 · December 17, 2022, 1:01 pm

Quote from Bel on December 17, 2022, 1:01 pm

Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on December 16, 2022, 5:47 am

From Bel's thread:

Quote from Bel on December 16, 2022, 4:15 am

Here's one social climbing power move I only fully understand now:

Equating another person's present situation to one's own past situation, and speaking of the latter in extremely derogatory terms, while implying the speaker is over it

Example:

Yeah, I understand. Before I learned this, like you I also was constantly making a fool of myself.

It works by covering the insult in a false self-deprecating similarity. The self-deprecation (and the similarity as well) is false, because the speaker is presenting his past situation as already over.

So his loss of public status, assuming there is one, is infinitely smaller than the one he is forcing on the other.

It also packs in a teacher/learner frame punch for maximum effect.

And the fake "closeness", as well.

The fact that the power-move is intentional can be desumed from the extremely derogatory terms used by the power mover. In fact, if one did not intend to power move, he or she would not use derogatory terms in this situation. In other words: the more derogatory the terms, the more intentional the move.

Solution: reframe as his situation only, magnify the closeness (to paint his "self-deprecation" in a new light) and differentiate one's own situation.

Woah, it must have been tough man. In my case though it should mostly be a matter of tweaking a couple things.

By the way: while writing the above, I also see how one can eliminate the teacher/learner frame subtly:

reframe the challenge as different

reframe the solution proposed by the teacher as not pertinent

reframe the issue as smaller than the one the teacher must have encountered in his life.

How about:

Manipulative relating

Relating power move

The cover of their power move is to relate.

Legit relating is a great technique to power-protect, bond, and make others feel good and accepted.
It's part of "normalizing" whatever one says or may feel bad about.

This is a mis-use of relating to instead thread-expand and make the victim's situation seem larger and worse, while also social climbing to show that they "solved it and moved on".

I like both. Relating power move maybe slightly more.

Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on December 16, 2022, 5:47 am

From Bel's thread:

Quote from Bel on December 16, 2022, 4:15 am

Here's one social climbing power move I only fully understand now:

Equating another person's present situation to one's own past situation, and speaking of the latter in extremely derogatory terms, while implying the speaker is over it

Example:

Yeah, I understand. Before I learned this, like you I also was constantly making a fool of myself.

It works by covering the insult in a false self-deprecating similarity. The self-deprecation (and the similarity as well) is false, because the speaker is presenting his past situation as already over.

So his loss of public status, assuming there is one, is infinitely smaller than the one he is forcing on the other.

It also packs in a teacher/learner frame punch for maximum effect.

And the fake "closeness", as well.

The fact that the power-move is intentional can be desumed from the extremely derogatory terms used by the power mover. In fact, if one did not intend to power move, he or she would not use derogatory terms in this situation. In other words: the more derogatory the terms, the more intentional the move.

Solution: reframe as his situation only, magnify the closeness (to paint his "self-deprecation" in a new light) and differentiate one's own situation.

Woah, it must have been tough man. In my case though it should mostly be a matter of tweaking a couple things.

By the way: while writing the above, I also see how one can eliminate the teacher/learner frame subtly:

reframe the challenge as different

reframe the solution proposed by the teacher as not pertinent

reframe the issue as smaller than the one the teacher must have encountered in his life.

How about:

Manipulative relating

Relating power move

The cover of their power move is to relate.

Legit relating is a great technique to power-protect, bond, and make others feel good and accepted.
It's part of "normalizing" whatever one says or may feel bad about.

This is a mis-use of relating to instead thread-expand and make the victim's situation seem larger and worse, while also social climbing to show that they "solved it and moved on".

I like both. Relating power move maybe slightly more.

Lucio Buffalmano and Kavalier have reacted to this post.

#175 · December 18, 2022, 3:58 am

Thank you, Bel!

Added to the dictionary now.

BTW, a heads up: I'm planning to start a new category for single article/post entries for every single power move/game + example + solutions.

I think it will be a lot better than one single dictionary/place for all, and easier to link and search -plus, great for TPM-.

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#176 · April 13, 2023, 10:54 am

New definition:

Manipulative ganging up (AKA "made up gang").

The power mover frames the conversation as if the group, or an imaginary group, is against the target, creating a "non-existing gang".

It's manipulative because the group may have never expressed any cohesive opinion or attitude against the target and, in some cases, the group may be neutral or even be closer to the target than to the manipulator.

However, when the target buys into the manipulator's frame he gives up on the opportunity to sway the group on his side.
Instead, the target becomes the co-creator of the new frame and reality where it's him against everyone else -and he can further dig his own hole if he starts breaking rapport and/or get aggressive against the full group.

Solution: reject and surface that the group has taken sides, and always challenge the power mover only while looking to the group to recruit them on your side (remember: this is a battle for public relations and group leadership).

Ideally, isolate the power mover and surface that he was being a nasty manipulator.

Thanks to Bel:

Quote from Bel on April 12, 2023, 12:43 pm

OFF TOPIC

If I interpreted the dynamics correctly, I think this dynamic, which is already exposed in some of PU's lessons (I remember the video where the guy bought a "champagne diamond") may merit a name if not already present in the dictionary of power.

It is a form of ganging up, but a manipulative one: the ganging up is mostly due to the mark falling into the frame of "they are all against me" set by the manipulator.

It is a reaction of the group to the mark's behavior, not to the manipulator's behavior.

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