Definitive dictionary of power
From Bel's thread:
Quote from Bel on December 16, 2022, 4:15 amHere's one social climbing power move I only fully understand now:
Equating another person's present situation to one's own past situation, and speaking of the latter in extremely derogatory terms, while implying the speaker is over it
Example:
Yeah, I understand. Before I learned this, like you I also was constantly making a fool of myself.
It works by covering the insult in a false self-deprecating similarity. The self-deprecation (and the similarity as well) is false, because the speaker is presenting his past situation as already over.
So his loss of public status, assuming there is one, is infinitely smaller than the one he is forcing on the other.
It also packs in a teacher/learner frame punch for maximum effect.
And the fake "closeness", as well.
The fact that the power-move is intentional can be desumed from the extremely derogatory terms used by the power mover. In fact, if one did not intend to power move, he or she would not use derogatory terms in this situation. In other words: the more derogatory the terms, the more intentional the move.
Solution: reframe as his situation only, magnify the closeness (to paint his "self-deprecation" in a new light) and differentiate one's own situation.
Woah, it must have been tough man. In my case though it should mostly be a matter of tweaking a couple things.
By the way: while writing the above, I also see how one can eliminate the teacher/learner frame subtly:
- reframe the challenge as different
- reframe the solution proposed by the teacher as not pertinent
- reframe the issue as smaller than the one the teacher must have encountered in his life.
How about:
- Manipulative relating
- Relating power move
The cover of their power move is to relate.
Legit relating is a great technique to power-protect, bond, and make others feel good and accepted.
It's part of "normalizing" whatever one says or may feel bad about.
This is a mis-use of relating to instead thread-expand and make the victim's situation seem larger and worse, while also social climbing to show that they "solved it and moved on".
Power protecting is better I think.
Thank you John, super helpful.
So "power protecting" it is, I guess.
Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on December 16, 2022, 5:47 amFrom Bel's thread:
Quote from Bel on December 16, 2022, 4:15 amHere's one social climbing power move I only fully understand now:
Equating another person's present situation to one's own past situation, and speaking of the latter in extremely derogatory terms, while implying the speaker is over it
Example:
Yeah, I understand. Before I learned this, like you I also was constantly making a fool of myself.
It works by covering the insult in a false self-deprecating similarity. The self-deprecation (and the similarity as well) is false, because the speaker is presenting his past situation as already over.
So his loss of public status, assuming there is one, is infinitely smaller than the one he is forcing on the other.
It also packs in a teacher/learner frame punch for maximum effect.
And the fake "closeness", as well.
The fact that the power-move is intentional can be desumed from the extremely derogatory terms used by the power mover. In fact, if one did not intend to power move, he or she would not use derogatory terms in this situation. In other words: the more derogatory the terms, the more intentional the move.
Solution: reframe as his situation only, magnify the closeness (to paint his "self-deprecation" in a new light) and differentiate one's own situation.
Woah, it must have been tough man. In my case though it should mostly be a matter of tweaking a couple things.
By the way: while writing the above, I also see how one can eliminate the teacher/learner frame subtly:
- reframe the challenge as different
- reframe the solution proposed by the teacher as not pertinent
- reframe the issue as smaller than the one the teacher must have encountered in his life.
How about:
- Manipulative relating
- Relating power move
The cover of their power move is to relate.
Legit relating is a great technique to power-protect, bond, and make others feel good and accepted.
It's part of "normalizing" whatever one says or may feel bad about.This is a mis-use of relating to instead thread-expand and make the victim's situation seem larger and worse, while also social climbing to show that they "solved it and moved on".
I like both. Relating power move maybe slightly more.
Thank you, Bel!
Added to the dictionary now.
BTW, a heads up: I'm planning to start a new category for single article/post entries for every single power move/game + example + solutions.
I think it will be a lot better than one single dictionary/place for all, and easier to link and search -plus, great for TPM-.