Former Community – We Moved
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Enforcing boundaries with manipulative girl.
Thank you man.
What I'm gonna say feels like a power move to me, but it's true: everything you mentioned was eye opening for me in a way or another.
And if we have had negative parental programming we can end up being attracted to the wrong type of person. They make us feel strong emotions so we think it’s the right person. If you’re interested in this topic I can share a book which talks about this.
Totally agree. And about the book, feel free to share it, I'll definitely read it after I'm finished with my exams, Im a bit tired of being attracted to manipulative and unavailable women.
But if one observe them one can see the shallowness and that it’s mostly about exciting/charming other people. Poor inner life.
Totally agree too, when you are charming with everyone the charming attitude has no value. Interesting, she liked to brag about having a rich inner life. Moreover that kind of charm does feel fake in certain occasions.
It may sound harsh but if one takes perspective and distance one can see oneself falling in love and not do it.
Yeah, I get what you mean, although I don't think it's harsh. For most people? Totally. But once one understands that what most people call love is simply instincts kicking in. It actually becomes empowering. I believe that true love is consciously loving someone that deserves it, not following your instincts and being a slave of the unconscious. Those are my thoughts about that, could be wrong.
I want to tell you that how I perceive you I think you’re quite mature. So I think that more mature women (not age but mentality) would fit you better. I mean emotionally as well. I could be wrong. As a friend I think you deserve someone who respects you. Even for a hook-up.
Thanks man, I appreciate it.
 I hope this paragraph makes sense and my communication did not miss the point.
Yeah, it makes sense for me. Some things have to happen so we learn from them, wisdom cannot be taught, it's learnt.
Deep thanks man. Don't care if this sounds cheesy but I'm glad to have met you here.
Cheers.
Hey man,
I feel the same: glad to have met you here.
Totally agree with everything you said, especially about instincts and the unconscious.
Thanks for being open to what I share.
About the books there are actually 2:
If this is love why do I feel so insecure: talks about the unconscious and how we make an unconscious image based on our parents of the people we fall in love with. Changed my life forever.
The human magnet syndrome: why some people are attracted to manipulators.
About bragging about having a rich inner life : it shows how these people copy « normal people ». They see something understand it’s valuable and/or normal and then advertise it to the World.  It’s self-promotion rather than reality.
Thanks for recommending the books.
About bragging about having a rich inner life : it shows how these people copy « normal people ». They see something understand it’s valuable and/or normal and then advertise it to the World. It’s self-promotion rather than reality.
So the trait I liked the most about her is very likely a lie, or the reason i used to justify me liking her. Its funny.
That’s impossible to know 100% to be honest. However it’s highly suspicious. And these manipulative people are good in noticing what we value. That is what they base their manipulation on: « so you want that? Good because I actually happen to have this in store. »
In these situations I think it’s important to trust our instincts. If it feels off it probably is off. With people who are trustworthy there is not or rarely this feeling of « who’s this person really? ». What you see is what you get. Sometimes our ego gets entangled and we can be mistaken about someone.
What is a good indicator is how they behave when confronted like in your case. And from my understanding she blatantly lied. So I don’t think more information is required.
A honest person who fucked up genuinely wants to be a good person. So when confronted they feel shame/guilt/own their behavior or offer apologies. At least a little bit of any of the above.
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