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Struggle for frame control on Tinder (& loss)

Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on April 8, 2020, 2:44 pm

This a (failed) attempt and example of frame control by ignoring her frame (after she ignored mine).

A strategic ignoring the frame.
Her question on "having a good time during the pandemic" was pure social cringe. But so cringe that it lent itself to a dark joke.
She didn't get it, though. In hindsight, I could have foreseen that: if she didn't get that her question as socially awkward, she wasn't going to get a joke about it, either.

But, like most attractive women, even when dumb, she still got power of choice, and it shows in her next message.

Her "?" puts me in tough spot.

It's either I explain, and lose all the power, or forge ahead and keep control of the interaction:

frame control example on tinder

"Your pictures look very professional" seems like a compliment, but it's also a bit of a back-handed compliment (sort of a neg), as if to say "you're putting so much effort on your image".

It didn't work, in this case.
But I still think it was the best choice. You shouldn't judge your choices on single results. Results only become kings when you can string hundreds of them and compare.
Otherwise, they're just as likely to be flukes or strokes of bad luck.

Do we have follow-ups here?

I think that, at the end, replying "?" with two long texts is also over investing. I will wait for at least four hours before replying with something short. She'll probably double text in a few minutes when I am waiting. If that happen, I'll response in a few minutes.


May I also ask how long did you wait before sending the line "hello is not an answer"?

If you replied her "hello" within five minutes, she might be still editing her second text and you interrupted her. Many women double text after a "hello".

Moreover, I will personally not use "hello is not an answer". To me, this line might implied that:

  1. I think she is not answering, she is not double texting, and she will not be answering in future -- I am low in confidence
  2. My question was serious and I deadly need her answer and her approval
  3. I think she is trying to offend me
  4. I will be offended by a stranger who does not answer my question
  5. I don't know how to deal with her offensive move with a humorous, "power-through" manner such that she will voluntarily change her behavior
  6. I am yelling: "I am the high-power man and you must follow me!!!!!" just like Macron
  7. Etc....

Of course, different women will have different interpretation; I am just listing some possibilities.