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Frame control when you are low energy
Concrete situation
I was at this social event sitting next to C(I liked C but previously we knew each other very little). C was there with N, another woman who is her friend. I had a great conversation with C most of the evening. Also, the people around us were nice and I knew a few of them so I kept including them in the conversation.
It all went really well until I started getting tired. It was late at night and I hadn’t slept much the previous night.
There was another guy there who in those circumstances was a bit of a party pooper as described by Lucio here. I didn’t know him and had included him in the conversation because he seemed alone. However, I think he liked N and he kept trying to move the conversation to something only him and N knew about. At this point, I felt too tired to get the conversation back on track so I just sat there at the table looking aimlessly and feeling weak.
After this, people got up from the table and created some circles. I was in one with C and some random people, with my brain feeling unable to engage; everyone seemed to have more energy and my leadership was at 0 :)).
Anyway, the restaurant closed soon after and everyone went home(C and N together), so I didn’t loose much power and everyone had a good time mostly.
General question
I’m generally a morning person and tend to get tired late at night, so I had similar situations of being too tired to engage in a conversation with people I’m not familiar with.
Has anyone experience such a problem before? Do you have any recommendations?
(Questionable) solution
A solution I can think of is that if you reach this level of fatigue you should go home - but sometimes that’s not good enough, you have to carry on somehow…
Up
I think that when tired, you could resort more to dominant body language than words… or just keep have default simple lines to use in such situations and don’t be afraid to use them
Other than that, I can’t really think of anything else
But I wish somebody gave some insight, cause I believe this being an important case to analyze
Yeah, it is a very good question.
bluesky's proposed solution of leaving is actually a great one and deciding when to engage and when to skip or leave is one of the fundamentals of (social) effectiveness (but of life effectiveness, really).
Sometimes, you should leave or not engage even when you're on fire, simply because absence -or leaving, or keeping on walking, or engaging someone else- is better than engagement.
A recent example from my journal.
Of course mindset is crucial.
And the mindset is that you're a great guy independently of how rested, tired, high or low energy you are -you don't need to "prove it" or show it every time-, so you want to be comfortable some nights just sitting back.
As a matter of fact, if you provided great value and then sit back and people start feeling that "something is missing" that raises your value/status.
Just make sure that it's not SO long that it "becomes the new reality", rather than the momentary exception.
If they call back on you to jump in again, that's also the evidence that people are seeking that leadership again.
Some other solutions:
- Go for a "sprint strategy": summon up enough energy to be at your best for a few minutes, then withdraw a bit -or go to the restroom-. People remember peaks far more than forgettable silences, so this is good
- Focus more on quality than quantity: sit back, relax, and jump in only when you've got something good to say
- Focus more on nonverbals: maintain good posture and/or body language
- Focus more on high-power than on energy: look at everyone as you speak, talk a bit more slowly and lower, maintain the pauses, look confident as you get people's attention, etc. etc
- Take a nap in the afternoon, or organize your nights out after you've taken a nap or slept longer and know you'll have more energy in the night
- Pick "exceptional nights" and go for more caffeine/alcohol
Great reply Lucio!
Being a nootropic user (and we can somewhat include caffeine and alcohol for their positive effects on energy and dishinibition) , I believe that the last point is a great last resort strategy
But of course if sleep diet meditation hydration etc are not on point, they could lead to a crash and make things worse, in that case it’s time to retreat or to go with body language which is a lower energy strategy
Afternoon naps and exercise are also great for having energy later in the day, the only issue I have with naps is that I lack the discipline to do them cause I always wanna be productive haha… but of course I know they are very worth doing, it’s like taking a step back to take 3 forward soon after :)
Yeah so basically what happens is that we fall back to an “introvert dominance” style, combining body language with speaking less but with accuracy of words and timing
And this introvert style is quite fascinating, more likely to work when, as you said, you are used to be dominant and to provide huge value when at top shape
I remember doing something creative during a party: I felt low energy that night but my fundamentals were good, dressed black with a black hat (mysterious style)
Then I went to a corner and pulled off a chessboard while ignoring the attention seeking girls, and suddenly some people came to play with me and from that I gained attentions from the girls too lol
All while keeping good posture and giving flirty looks to the girls, and of course joining the dancefloor and grabbing some drinks with the others when I had spikes of energy
In the end it paid off and I also received a prize as the “top personality” of the party XD
