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Friend Seems Keen Then Goes "Busy" and "Lukewarm" Afterwards
I'm guessing here, Matthew.
But I part of the reasons you don't want to meet is because you now feel -and are- disempowered.
It's a good and smart approach not to want to meet someone who disempowers you.
So one way of addressing a situation like this is:
You meet, only if he accepts a location that is more advantageous to you -that re-empowers you-.
He pulled a power move, so it's up to him to make it up.
I'd be willing to bet that if conceded there you'd be a bit more likely to want to meet him (probably not as much as originally since a power move is always a red flag, but a power move one has made up for is much better).
For example, I have friend who's a good friend on paper.
But his meetings are "come over to my place".
That also doesn't make me too willing to meet him. So sometimes I just say "I'm back in town, let's catch up". If he says "come over" I reply "I found an awesome place in X (middle way for both), let's try that one".
If he's cool with that, we meet.
If not, next time.
To be fully honest, I am deeply hurt & vulnerable at the moment and thought that he is a warm & caring friend at first.
I don't really want to meet anyone who is not warm, open and understanding for the time period.
I don't want to spend time doing any sort of frame control. I wanted this to be a session of catching up and letting my guard down.
So actually I don't want to meet him at all. I much rather go to the therapist.
In truth, I am lacking assertiveness here.
Thanks a lot Lucio, the above advice is really useful & helpful. In usual times, I like to re-balance the dynamics before meeting power movers as well. Especially if it is a business negotiation.
Like if I meet them at their office, I'm pretty sure I will lose some money as compared to a cafe.
Quote from Matthew Whitewood on January 7, 2022, 5:22 amThanks a lot Lucio, the above advice is really useful & helpful. In usual times, I like to re-balance the dynamics before meeting power movers as well. Especially if it is a business negotiation.
Like if I meet them at their office, I'm pretty sure I will lose some money as compared to a cafe.
Yeah, exactly... Good approach for usual times.
But if now you feel that way, totally fair, and totally fair to cancel it.
