Going meta: how to make it less confrontational with "normalizing"

Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on April 20, 2022, 1:17 pm

In this thread hunter tried the "meta technique".

And he said that 3/3 it turned confrontational.

I said that "going meta IS inherently confrontational".
However, that was a generalization from me -my bad-.

In truth, it's more correct to say "going meta has a high likelihood of breaking rapport and turning confrontational".
It just makes sense, after all, going meta calls the power move out in the open and says "it's not working with me". That shames the power mover and if he accepts it, in one fell swoop, he admits he was being asshole, he loses power, and you leapfrog above him as the higher power as well the higher (moral) authority on how to deal with each other -or with people in general-.

And that's OK.
Sometimes that's EXACTLY what you want.

It's a very powerful technique for when there are people around.

Going meta works fantastic when there are people around because going meta is often for the audience and to recruit them to your side, rather than (only) for the power move.

We called that "power recruitment strategy".

In that case, you don't care much about breaking rapport with the power mover because, one, he wasn't being exactly "good" to you.
Two, sometimes it's either you call it out, or you end up being a sucker.
And three, often your meta technique turns the power move into a disciple who recognizes his mistake and simply accepts your higher power/status above him -happened to me more than once-. Those people then can often end up being good friend who realize their own mistake -or that they've pulled a power move on the wrong person-.

You can also see an example of me going meta on the forum here (I totally broke rapport with the power mover, but also effectively isolated him, and he had it fully coming).

However, sometimes you don't want to break rapport.

Heis is a more conciliatory way of going meta.

Go meta without breaking rapport: normalize the power move

We talk about this in PU as well.

And we call it "normalizing".

Normalizing is all about saving the power mover's face -it falls under the umbrella of the uber-important power protecting approach-.

For example, instead of finger-pointing and saying "you did XYZ", you'd go philosopher / higher level:

Him: the thing is, you should let me know soon because I have many people who want it. It's at 8.000 and this neighborhood has houses at 12.000 per square meter, it's a steal (<--- this is a manipulative approach to sell you at a higher price than what it's worth it. You know that, but if you like the flat you gain nothing in breaking rapport as that only makes it worse for you)
You: look man, we're in a negotiation, and in negotiations, it's normal that people may exaggerate a bit. I also tend to do that. The thing about that is that it can erode trust. It's a great flat (<-- re-empowers him further), I just think we can discuss pricing a bit better considering I'm giving you instant payment and... (move on to better threads, end on a positive, provide reasons why lower price makes sense)

Such as, you never say "you're bullshiting and you're losing my respect".

You say "people do", "it's normal", "I tend to do it as well", and the issue with that is...

If he takes offense, you keep on saying "it's OK man, I also teach negotiation, and that's how it goes... ", with the sub-communication being "I know these games, and they're not working".