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Handling Lateness From More Powerful People

#1 · July 20, 2020, 10:33 am

Quote from Matthew Whitewood on July 20, 2020, 10:33 am
This is a branch from the other forum post "How to deal with subordinates when you're new (doctor & nurses)?".
That thread was more on how to deal with subordinates or when you are asserting your boundaries from a position of greater power.
I'm thinking about how to handle lateness from more powerful people.
For example, I have a harder time dealing with lateness from investors and potential clients because I need their financial resources.
First Example - Late Client Signing A Deal
An example situation would be that a client has agreed to sign a contract and move forward with the sale. You are of course happy with this deal, but the client's team is 15 minutes late. When the client's team comes in, should you address the lateness? I am thinking to sign the deal and address the lateness afterwards when the client has less negotiating power.
Now that I understand your point on social exchange, it seems tricky to navigate if the other party is giving a lot of value. But I learnt that upon a sale, you could thank the client and also highlight the value that you bring to the table through "well done and thank you". Coupled with a collaborative frame, it could sound powerful and fair in asserting my boundaries on time.
In the above scenario, the client's team comes in 15 minutes late. I look at the most powerful individual of the client's team and say
A milestone for both our teams. Well done and thank you for working with us to tackle your pain points and improve your cost efficiency. Our team looks forward to working with your team for the long term and discuss any opportunities or challenges we face along the way. Your team is late. For our team to maximise our time in discussing solutions with you, please let us know of the best time for us to meet in the future. Shall we go through the contract and discuss any concerns that you may have?
In short, the concepts applied are
Set a collaborative frame. Highlight business value to both parties. Communicate openness and potential long-term commitment.
Assert boundaries and show how it would be beneficial for them to respect these boundaries
Move on quickly to the matter at hand to show that you value everyone's time
Second Example - Late Boss on First Day of Work
If we use the topic of the referenced thread, let's say that it is your first day as a resident at a hospital.
You are waiting for your boss in the meeting room.
Your boss is 15 minutes late.
Would you email your boss that you would not like to wait any longer and propose another time to meet?
Or upon meeting the boss, could you say
"Thank you for this resident opportunity. If you are running late, would it be possible to let me know in advance? I would like to meet at a convenient time for both you and I."
A more extreme example would be that a fresh graduate is meeting the CEO of the company on the first day of work. But the CEO is 15 minutes late.
Really appreciate the advice. Working to develop an intuition on how to demand healthy standards. Especially for time.
I don't feel good when people take advantage of my time. It disrupts my schedule & productivity, and the perpetrator is implying that "I am so important that you have to bend to my schedule and convenience at your expense." And it's also essential to set an example to my team that they should assert healthy standards from others.

This is a branch from the other forum post "How to deal with subordinates when you're new (doctor & nurses)?".
That thread was more on how to deal with subordinates or when you are asserting your boundaries from a position of greater power.

I'm thinking about how to handle lateness from more powerful people.
For example, I have a harder time dealing with lateness from investors and potential clients because I need their financial resources.

First Example - Late Client Signing A Deal
An example situation would be that a client has agreed to sign a contract and move forward with the sale. You are of course happy with this deal, but the client's team is 15 minutes late. When the client's team comes in, should you address the lateness? I am thinking to sign the deal and address the lateness afterwards when the client has less negotiating power.

Now that I understand your point on social exchange, it seems tricky to navigate if the other party is giving a lot of value. But I learnt that upon a sale, you could thank the client and also highlight the value that you bring to the table through "well done and thank you". Coupled with a collaborative frame, it could sound powerful and fair in asserting my boundaries on time.

In the above scenario, the client's team comes in 15 minutes late. I look at the most powerful individual of the client's team and say

A milestone for both our teams. Well done and thank you for working with us to tackle your pain points and improve your cost efficiency. Our team looks forward to working with your team for the long term and discuss any opportunities or challenges we face along the way. Your team is late. For our team to maximise our time in discussing solutions with you, please let us know of the best time for us to meet in the future. Shall we go through the contract and discuss any concerns that you may have?

In short, the concepts applied are

Set a collaborative frame. Highlight business value to both parties. Communicate openness and potential long-term commitment.
Assert boundaries and show how it would be beneficial for them to respect these boundaries
Move on quickly to the matter at hand to show that you value everyone's time

Second Example - Late Boss on First Day of Work
If we use the topic of the referenced thread, let's say that it is your first day as a resident at a hospital.
You are waiting for your boss in the meeting room.
Your boss is 15 minutes late.
Would you email your boss that you would not like to wait any longer and propose another time to meet?

Or upon meeting the boss, could you say

"Thank you for this resident opportunity. If you are running late, would it be possible to let me know in advance? I would like to meet at a convenient time for both you and I."

A more extreme example would be that a fresh graduate is meeting the CEO of the company on the first day of work. But the CEO is 15 minutes late.

Really appreciate the advice. Working to develop an intuition on how to demand healthy standards. Especially for time.

I don't feel good when people take advantage of my time. It disrupts my schedule & productivity, and the perpetrator is implying that "I am so important that you have to bend to my schedule and convenience at your expense." And it's also essential to set an example to my team that they should assert healthy standards from others.

#2 · July 21, 2020, 9:14 am

Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on July 21, 2020, 9:14 am
Hello Matthew,
Yeah, you got it, there is an important element to keep in mind with the client relationship: he is giving you more. So some clients might feel entitled to some lateness or, if not entitled, at least feel less pressure to be on time -especially if compared to them meeting a customer of theirs-.
Now you might not agree with that, but if you point it out to them too directly, they might feel you are not being fair to the exchange and that you are being rude and trying to disempower them.
This is a bigger risk with thin-skinned people and people who are high in power.
Since you might not know them well enough yet, you want to tread carefully.
So, personally, I'd first observe.
If they apologize and/or if they present some reasons for their lateness, it's a good sign. In that case, you avoid saying the usual "no problem" or "it's OK" because that minimizes the issue of lateness.
Instead, you accept and say "got it" or "alright." Or just nod. That's a good small power move because it validates their justification and/or apology, which indirectly says "you do need a justification to be late, because it must be an exception".
Your absence of the usual minimization should send the signal that you want it to be an exception.
Furthermore, if the same happens in the future, you are more congruent when you will tell them to please be on time, because you didn't minimize the first time (people who minimize and then complain come across as insincere and passive-aggressive).
So, if they apologize, all good, the first time you let it go.
If they don't even mention it and act like it's all good, then yes, I might mention it at the end of the meeting.
But, I would do so tactfully, without putting the blame on them.
Something like:
(towards the end of the meeting, all the major points have been discussed)
You: Alright, wonderful, I suppose we're done wit the main points. Just one thing for our next calls: I'm pushing hard the team to be efficient and punctual here. So if you can let me know that you are running some minutes behind schedule, I would appreciate that a lot.
In this scenario, you frame it as a "by the way" and as a sticking point on your end.
Of course, they will know that they were late and that's not cool, but with this tactful approach, you make your point clear while also minimizing the risk that they will take it personally.
If they jump in and say "of course, apologies for that, we also appreciate punctuality", you know you're dealing with professionals -and that they got the message-.
Basically, enforcing boundaries with more powerful people is similar as to enforcing boundaries in general, but done with more tact.
"Important Milestone": Should You Avoid Saying That?
In your example, I might avoid saying it's a milestone.
Unless they know your business well, ideally, you want your customers to think you have a healthy pipeline of equally important customers.
If you say it's a milestone for you, they will immediately think "oh, we're the only big guys they got" or "we're one of the few customers they got".
That diminishes your power and makes them feel like they can push you around in negotiations. Especially if they're seasoned and aggressive negotiators, they might use that against you.
Late Boss: Crowdsourcing the Answer
A boss being late is a special, even more challenging situation.
I want to use that case study as a "crowdsourcing project", an idea that Anon gave me in this thread.
Such as: I will send that question to the subscribers and ask them what they think is a good strategy to enforce healthy boundaries with a boss.
Then I'll publish and comment on all the good answers.

Hello Matthew,

Yeah, you got it, there is an important element to keep in mind with the client relationship: he is giving you more. So some clients might feel entitled to some lateness or, if not entitled, at least feel less pressure to be on time -especially if compared to them meeting a customer of theirs-.

Now you might not agree with that, but if you point it out to them too directly, they might feel you are not being fair to the exchange and that you are being rude and trying to disempower them.
This is a bigger risk with thin-skinned people and people who are high in power.
Since you might not know them well enough yet, you want to tread carefully.

So, personally, I'd first observe.
If they apologize and/or if they present some reasons for their lateness, it's a good sign. In that case, you avoid saying the usual "no problem" or "it's OK" because that minimizes the issue of lateness.
Instead, you accept and say "got it" or "alright." Or just nod. That's a good small power move because it validates their justification and/or apology, which indirectly says "you do need a justification to be late, because it must be an exception".
Your absence of the usual minimization should send the signal that you want it to be an exception.
Furthermore, if the same happens in the future, you are more congruent when you will tell them to please be on time, because you didn't minimize the first time (people who minimize and then complain come across as insincere and passive-aggressive).

So, if they apologize, all good, the first time you let it go.

If they don't even mention it and act like it's all good, then yes, I might mention it at the end of the meeting.

But, I would do so tactfully, without putting the blame on them.
Something like:

(towards the end of the meeting, all the major points have been discussed)
You: Alright, wonderful, I suppose we're done wit the main points. Just one thing for our next calls: I'm pushing hard the team to be efficient and punctual here. So if you can let me know that you are running some minutes behind schedule, I would appreciate that a lot.

In this scenario, you frame it as a "by the way" and as a sticking point on your end.
Of course, they will know that they were late and that's not cool, but with this tactful approach, you make your point clear while also minimizing the risk that they will take it personally.

If they jump in and say "of course, apologies for that, we also appreciate punctuality", you know you're dealing with professionals -and that they got the message-.

Basically, enforcing boundaries with more powerful people is similar as to enforcing boundaries in general, but done with more tact.

"Important Milestone": Should You Avoid Saying That?

In your example, I might avoid saying it's a milestone.

Unless they know your business well, ideally, you want your customers to think you have a healthy pipeline of equally important customers.

If you say it's a milestone for you, they will immediately think "oh, we're the only big guys they got" or "we're one of the few customers they got".
That diminishes your power and makes them feel like they can push you around in negotiations. Especially if they're seasoned and aggressive negotiators, they might use that against you.

Late Boss: Crowdsourcing the Answer

A boss being late is a special, even more challenging situation.

I want to use that case study as a "crowdsourcing project", an idea that Anon gave me in this thread.

Such as: I will send that question to the subscribers and ask them what they think is a good strategy to enforce healthy boundaries with a boss.

Then I'll publish and comment on all the good answers.

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