Handling Pre-Emptive Keep-Me-Waiting Power Move

Quote from Matthew Whitewood on July 23, 2021, 8:41 am

Moving the discussion here from Ali's journal.

I wanted to give more context.

Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on July 23, 2021, 6:32 am from What I'm Doing Maybe Where Why #95

Quote from Matthew Whitewood on July 22, 2021, 7:50 pm from What I'm Doing Maybe Where Why #94

I'm trying something out to mitigate this "keep people waiting" power moves.
If I get the feeling that someone will be late for a virtual appointment, I will schedule a call so I don't have to wait in a video conference link.
Then I will continue doing what I'm doing while waiting for the call.
At the 10-minute mark, I will drop a message and say

I have to go.
Let's reschedule.

Or I may decide to just not pick up the phone call.

Someone recently tried a pre-emptive keep-me-waiting move on me yesterday.

Him: Something has come up 1h before our call tomorrow.
I should be able to make the call, just letting you know that I might be late. (whatever I have is more important than our call)

Me: Thanks (at least you told me in advance), I prefer to put our call to another time then. (I don't want to wait)
It will be easier for both of us. (Hints that you don't have to rush, I don't have to wait; Good for both of us)

Him: Nice, next week perhaps (the nice feels a bit judgemental and condesecnding)

This is your journal.
So feel free to let me know if you don't want me to share too much here.

@Matthew

Very nice system there.

In the specific example, you might have also said "let's put our call... (and potentially propose new time)". "

I prefer" is more like an exchange of equals, pooling opinions together finding for a common ground. "Let's" is more leader-like, taking charge towards the (common) goals.

I forgot to include more context of the call with this person.

He reached out to me out of the blue and wanted to have a call.
He seemed to display some value-taking moves in the messages already.
Like for example,

Him: What are you up to these days?

Me: I am exploring this opportunity in this industry (generalised & shortened for brevity)
How are you doing in the city?

Him: Have you spoken to my friends from this comapny?
They built a similar platform.
(ignores my question, didn't share, tries to seem knowledgable about my field)

Me: I haven't. That's cool, What have you been up to?

Him: Oh, too much.
Living the life.
Let's have a chat some time!

Me: Cool talk soon

The ending is my polite signal for not wanting to talk.
I learnt this from Lucio's video when Carrie meets her ex in sex in the city.
They agree to catch up soon as a polite way to end the conversation.
But they aren't going to actually meet up or talk further.

He pushes ahead with the logistics of the call.
So I thought

Okay, maybe he has something interesting to talk about since he's an old acquaintance.
I will talk for 5 minutes and see if I want to talk further.

But then he pulled the wait-for-me power move, and I didn't really want to talk any more.

Him: Something has come up 1h before our call tomorrow.
I should be able to make the call, just letting you know that I might be late. (whatever I have is more important than our call)

Me: Thanks (at least you told me in advance), I prefer to put our call to another time then. (I don't want to wait)
It will be easier for both of us. (Hints that you don't have to rush, I don't have to wait; Good for both of us)

Him: Nice, next week perhaps (the nice feels a bit judgemental and condesecnding)

This is why I use the phrase

I prefer to put our call to another time then.

And then no further arrangement in the logistics.
I wanted to communicate

You wanted to speak.
Now you say you're busy.
I'm not in a rush to have this call.

But maybe as Lucio advised, I should be more assertive and direct.
Whether it's forging ahead with the logistics of the call.
Or hinting to him that I don't really like the games.

I'm not really in a rush to have this call.
As such, we can cancel if you have other priorities.