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Having your own strong stand/say on things and listening to others critically

 

Hi,

I want to know how to have my own strong say/opinions on things where I stand my ground with regards to position on a topic or issue. I've struggled with being too agreeable and being easily influenced by others, partly because I feel like my voice has no value, due to having low self esteem in my childhood. How do I get out of that, have that confidence in myself to stand up for myself, no matter what happens, to have that unshakeable confidence?

And also when listening to others, how do I keep critically think wherein I'm not influenced by others solely based on what they say, and avoid being manipulated by their words? And also how I read people and ascertain their intentions and see if they're genuine or not.

Hey Arunjoy,

First of all, good on you for being upfront about this, especially to yourself! That's the first step in the right direction ๐Ÿ™‚ Good news - you're not alone. Most people who come here (including myself) got stuff that we're trying to overcome, both to gain greater power and just live a happier life. I bought this course for similar reasons in fact - I wanted to develop stronger boundaries and defend myself against manipulation too.

I don't know you, so I can't give a full assessment, but I'm guessing you just haven't really developed an identity yet. If you don't know who you are, it's much easier to be influenced by others. It all starts with valuing yourself, loving yourself, and giving yourself what you need to grow. Something that helps with a lot of guys in your shoes (and I've been there too) is to focus on improving yourself, building a passion/purpose, and taking the time to find out just who you are, what you want and what you absolutely will not stand for.

If your situation is severe enough, I also recommend getting in touch with your dark side. Anger, desire, fear and pain exist for a reason - they drive change. It's a person's fighting spirit, their will to live, their refusal of shackles. Finding, accepting, and tapping into your dark side will go a long way towards gaining the strength you desire. Of course, it is limited, and best not lived from forever - one's 'dark side' is simply their survival instinct, and by itself it only ensures security, not happiness.

As for becoming more firm and discerning, that just comes with experience, and often a bit of struggle along the way. But learning how power games work will go a long way. Just focus on the basic material for a while, lay down the groundwork; the parts about submissive behavior, assertiveness and the practical steps to increase confidence and social power will go a long way for you. Take time to build up your life, find out who you are, and love yourself the best you can. And don't forget to just enjoy life and be happy, it's why we're all here in the end ๐Ÿ™‚

Hi Arun,

Check out this post on forum communication guidelines -which is also about communication effectiveness-:

Some improvements on this post could have been.

  • Keep one question per topic
  • Make the question specific -providing examples is often a natural way of making it specific-

Still, great insights from Kellvo, as usual.

Have you read the forum guidelines for effective communication already?

 

Hi,

Thanks kellvo for the great insights. You've nailed it. In my case, it's about carving my own identity, getting in touch with my dark side and being assertive as well. Lucio, your points are noted.ย I'll keep it in mind the next time I post. Do you have any inputs on my topic? Would love to hear your thoughts as well