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How do I deal with bossy friend pulling "my bitch" power moves?

#1 · July 23, 2020, 6:54 pm

Hey lucio been a long time.

I wanted to ask you how should I handle a guy that is 1 year older than me 21 years old that is trying to boss me around all the time by saying I’m your daddy or whatsup son. He even did this in front of his girls when I walked past him and when I was with my friends.

I’m naturally A laid back person and I carry masculine frame meanwhile he’s carrying feminine energy and overall seems like an insecure person.

Known him since I was young and we’ve grown in the same neighborhood but these days I’m for the most part at home self-improving myself and I don’t hang out with them anymore.

He also tries to shame me for not going out anymore by saying how was the cave you were in or I should go out more in a disrespectful demeanour (but I don’t want to hang out with most people in my age bracket from my neighbourhood due to they either doing criminal activites or they waste their time all day chilling and other nonsense things.

How do I deal with this Lucio? Makes me look weak and humiliated and it gets under my skin whenever he says that and I want to rip his head off.

#2 · July 24, 2020, 5:54 am

Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on July 24, 2020, 5:54 am
Hello Calvin,
Well done: First of all, kudos for taking care of your own future the way you're doing. That shows a level of foresight and maturity that are enviable at your age. That long-term view is the most important thing.
Put things in perspective: This small issue is barely a pebble on your way to bigger things.
How would you handle it? Try to first come up with your own strategies. It's always more effective to learn that way. Read the dynamics below, and think of some possible strategies
Still learn from this: keep in mind that you can still learn from the dynamics of small-time offenders and lazy asses. You certainly don't wanna be stuck there, but learning from them, why not. It makes you an even better-rounded individual
For you to understand better, he is using "babying power moves".
But given the context and that you are pretty much the same age, these are more like "my bitch" types of power moves, where he wants to show that he "owns you" and that you are so obviously below him in the pecking order.
What's probably happening is that you are losing touch with the guys in the neighborhood, so you are on your way out of that social circle. You are becoming an outsider.
And outsiders are always threatening to those who feel high-up in a hierarchy (or those who want to be high up). That's why it's usually the more alphas of a group who first test the newcomers.
So this guy now wants to make sure that even as you work on yourself and change life, you do not become a threat to his status.
It's also possible he might feel threatened by what your self-development means to his ego, and he might be jealous of your new-found, potentially far better path.
He might be thinking:
"uh-oh, what is Calvin cooking up, is this guy going to took off and leave us all behind (you better believe he will, mofo:) ?
That would make me feel bad about myself. Better I make sure I constantly remind him -and myself- how powerful I am".
P.S.: pick a descriptive title for your next thread
Take a look at the forum communication guidelines. On your way to a better life, communication skills will be an invaluable asset.

Hello Calvin,

Well done: First of all, kudos for taking care of your own future the way you're doing. That shows a level of foresight and maturity that are enviable at your age. That long-term view is the most important thing.
Put things in perspective: This small issue is barely a pebble on your way to bigger things.
How would you handle it? Try to first come up with your own strategies. It's always more effective to learn that way. Read the dynamics below, and think of some possible strategies
Still learn from this: keep in mind that you can still learn from the dynamics of small-time offenders and lazy asses. You certainly don't wanna be stuck there, but learning from them, why not. It makes you an even better-rounded individual

For you to understand better, he is using "babying power moves".
But given the context and that you are pretty much the same age, these are more like "my bitch" types of power moves, where he wants to show that he "owns you" and that you are so obviously below him in the pecking order.

What's probably happening is that you are losing touch with the guys in the neighborhood, so you are on your way out of that social circle. You are becoming an outsider.
And outsiders are always threatening to those who feel high-up in a hierarchy (or those who want to be high up). That's why it's usually the more alphas of a group who first test the newcomers.
So this guy now wants to make sure that even as you work on yourself and change life, you do not become a threat to his status.

It's also possible he might feel threatened by what your self-development means to his ego, and he might be jealous of your new-found, potentially far better path.
He might be thinking:

"uh-oh, what is Calvin cooking up, is this guy going to took off and leave us all behind (you better believe he will, mofo:) ?
That would make me feel bad about myself. Better I make sure I constantly remind him -and myself- how powerful I am".

P.S.: pick a descriptive title for your next thread

Take a look at the forum communication guidelines. On your way to a better life, communication skills will be an invaluable asset.

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