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How to beat my ex-girlfriend's frame
Quote from Jimmysmith on June 5, 2022, 5:45 pm
I don't like my mindset but I don't want to pretend I'm fine as well. I want to get there internally first.
I'm myself not entirely sure how to think about it, but one should also consider that this opinion can also be okay, as long as you don't start to treat promiscuous women badly. You have a right to your own standards.
Quote from Jimmysmith on June 5, 2022, 5:45 pm
The "me vs you" dynamic was one I didn't see at all until Lucio pointed it out.
Coming to think of it, it has a lot to do with my own personality. I do enter in a lot of those dynamics in various situations, which never end in the best way. It's not a bad thing at all that this tendency of mine has been raised to the surface...
Yes it's a very valuable analysis with actionable advice, even for those who weren't in that situation.
This whole site is full of such fundamental insights.
But I think the single most important thing is the willingness to change and improve - without that, all the greatest advice is meaningless to that individual.
Quote from Jimmysmith on June 5, 2022, 5:45 pmThe "me vs you" dynamic was one I didn't see at all until Lucio pointed it out.Coming to think of it, it has a lot to do with my own personality. I do enter in a lot of those dynamics in various situations, which never end in the best way. It's not a bad thing at all that this tendency of mine has been raised to the surface...
I want to second Anon here and stress how important that is.
It's a HUGE shift.
One of the most common issues I observe in otherwise cool folks from getting to the next level is that they unwittingly one-up others and/or come across as confrontational when there would have been tons of options instead to uplift, collaborate, or at least stay neutral.
Once you start applying that concept of finding more ways to bridge and build up, rather than one-up and confront, it's a huge positive change all across your (social) life.
Since this is the dating section, you become better at dating, have less resistance in moving things forward, and a better partner, with better relationships and more devoted partners.
But also better friendships, better at making new friends, and a much better leader as well (as well as team member).
And as Anon said, the main thing is to recognize, be willing to own it, and to work on it.
So kudos to you for recognizing that, and owning it.
Explicitly stating (instead of merely thinking) "you fall for me as soon as I wink" is also that you kind of motivate her ego into proving you wrong - by not talking to you, which is a very dangerous dynamic.
This is gold. So many social dynamics turn fast into a dominance contest when both people would benefit from pretty much any other frame.
Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on June 6, 2022, 8:24 amSince this is the dating section, you become better at dating, have less resistance in moving things forward, and a better partner, with better relationships and more devoted partners.
But also better friendships, better at making new friends, and a much better leader as well (as well as team member).And as Anon said, the main thing is to recognize, be willing to own it, and to work on it.
So kudos to you for recognizing that, and owning it.
:) Super glad to have the opportunity to learn from my mistakes and do better :)
