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How to deal with racists lashing out against a minority? (racial hierarchy in people's heads)
Hi. I experienced this multiple times and I finally found the answer while searching for it. While going through the power university module, I found something that relates to me. "Poor people aren't envious. It's usually the intellectual people who feel that they should be superior but arent"
Another example was that "Certain intellectual white people are envious of successful black people because in their head, they are superior"
This really stuck out to me. I'm an Asian American. I've had instances where IÂ had unexpected aggressive behaviors from other men.
Scream/Yell at me when I ask a question
- I rented out an AirBnB room & I meet the host who is white at night.
Me: Hey man! How are you? (After some small talk) Btw Do you have slippers for the floor? (It's been my experience that AirBnB hosts give you slippers for cold tile floors)
Host: Slippers? Wtf. No dude (Condescending)
Later on.
We talk about the situation in America with inflation rates.
AirBnB Host: Yeah there's some huge inflation going on and.
Me: Yes looking like 08 and ..0
AirBnB Host: (Starts screaming) I KNOW. I FUCKING KNOW. STOP INTERRUPTING ME.
This really caught me off guard.
2. I go into a tattoo parlor to get my ears pierced. It was owned by middle eastern guys in California. And the owner was there with alot of his coworkers. I was sitting down and there happened to be about 4 other girls there all waiting. I made small talk and soon they were all giggling and we were having fun.
Anyway, I'm in a good mood. I approach the owner and ask
Me: Hey man! I just wanted to ask you guys what the rates were for getting tattoos? I'm looking into getting half a sleeve.
Owner: (Without looking up talking to me condescendingly out loud) Buddy, I'm busy. I don't know.
Me (Confused): What? I'm asking how much it costs to get tattoos here and if you can help.
Owner: (Condescending) It's like getting a car buddy. If you want a used car do you go and just buy?
*It took me really unexpected. I was visibly upset that I was getting treated this way (being condescended) and I went back to sit down visibly upset. After that the women didn't really want to talk to me anymore.
Later on, I called him after I tried to let it go. I found out he was a high school drop out which I blurted out "Now I get why you were talking about that dumb car analogy. I thought you at least graduated high school but now makes sense"
But this has happened frequently enough that I started detecting a behavior.
First I say something. To try and establish dominance, they start yelling/raising their voice for something small. And then I get in this state of psychological shock like wth happened.
A friend of mine told me it's because they think they are racially superior to East looking Asians and won't fight back.
It's very unnerving.
So my question is two parts.
- How can I perceive this without having a victim mentality? (I.E wow everyone think I'm below them because I'm Asian) How can I look at the fact that they think their face is superior as a benefit to me without being a victim?
- How can I reply to this when someone yells at me? It's really jarring when it happens
Hello @jlee830,
These are very interesting questions.
I don't doubt that many of those dynamics you experienced are racially motivated, driven, or at least influenced (even as a white southern European I've had some of those in northern EU, so it's probably 10x for other "minorities").
Yet, I wouldn't jump the gun that ALL of them are (some people are just assholes at 360 degrees).
Still, the great news is: yes, it's very helpful to understand the full dynamics and what motivates behavior (also because solutions are sometimes linked to sources).
BUT... when it comes to tactical and strategic solutions, you can often discard the racial source -yes, sometimes you can use it or leverage it but, generally speaking, pulling the racial card / topic is not a good self-frame and can be mentally disempowering-.
Such as: you don't necessarily have to go detective on the intentions.
What makes him an asshole is his problem.
Let him spend his little spare income on a psychoanalyst, you don't need to do that work for him.
For you, he's just another asshole that needs to be put back in his place -that's more of a eagle mindset already: he goes racial, you go higher looking at low VS high quality, rather than groups-.
So what matters to you is what you're going to do about it.
Speaking of which (read the guidelines please):
What would YOU do about it?
And welcome here!
