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How to overcome this negative thoughts !

Hey man, I hope you are doing well. I really appreciate your work, about me -: I lost my dad 3 years ago because of cancer and i am 18  and i believe you as my father figure lol so I am gonna ask you something hope your advise help me .

here is my question -: I consider myself as 5 out of 10 in looks, nowadays i just feel i do not look good and have self doubt , I have like lots of experience in pickup, have been on 20 dates but still I feel i can never land perfect 9 or 10 . i came across black pill but it was too hard to understand , can you give me any good advise here , how do i stop this thoughts and how do i improve my looks , i am trying subs now a days i guess that works , what;s your opinion on subs too , lemme know{ also that is not me in the dp}

Hey Prince,

Sorry to hear that man, I can imagine it can be emotionally tough to lose one's father at that age.

It reminds me of a silly sounding, but actually deep and touching song from some years ago, and the lyrics roughly translated would be:

The father is just a man
And men are many
Pick the best one, follow him, and learn

To go to your questions:

Quote from prince7026 on September 24, 2020, 12:28 am

I consider myself as 5 out of 10 in looks, nowadays i just feel i do not look good and have self doubt , I have like lots of experience in pickup, have been on 20 dates but still I feel i can never land perfect 9 or 10 .

First thing I'd advise you: stop this scale/ranking bullshit immediately.

There is truly nothing good about it that I can think of -OK, maybe a couple of things, but they drown in comparison to the drawbacks-:

  1. Nudges you to chase harder with more attractive women, exactly what you shouldn't do
  2. Makes you date attractive women with the mindset that they've already passed all your "screens" (see also "qualifying" in the dictionary), exactly the opposite of what you should do
  3. Increases the odds you pedestalize attractive women -as if they were any different from all the rest-. Listen to that sentence "the perfect 10"... As if they were "perfect" for being attractive? Yes, they're higher value for being attractive, and yes, great if you sleep with them. But... "perfect"??? No fucking way, just an attractive woman
  4. Increases the odds you get into value-taking reltionships since you over-look the beauty, to the detriment of personal chemistry and character qualities

And, lastly, it also de-humanizes people.
And if you don't care about the ethical ripercussions, you should still care in terms of actual results, since most attractive people don't like another drooling fan who wants them for their external qualities only -especially when almost everyone else already does it-.

And stop using the scale starting from yourself first.
Do you really think you're a "5"? That a nonsense number can describe you, or limit you? And as if you were a "5" for everyone, or eveywhere, which is also total nonsense.

Looks do matter, of course.
But they don't define you.
At least... If you don't let them define you and your life.

And since you're there, get the hell out of black pill circles, too.
Maybe you can go back once you're a bit more grounded, but I'm suspecting it's not doing anything good for you right now.

How to change thoughts

You could start trying REBT.

It sounds like right now you might be stuck in thought patterns that have this underlying theme:

"I should look good, or...  This and that bad thing willl happen, and that is going to be a tragedy.

REBT is not about positive thinking, it's about reframing and changing those "should" and "must", and hanging the assumption they lead to (catastrophizing).

So whenever you think about yourself, you could change the thinking into:

"Yes, it would have been nice if I looked even better, and it would be great to date very attractive women, which I want to do and which I will try to do. But I don't have to, and if for a while it won't happen, I can still live with it and laead a happy and successful life.

Two great books for REBT:

 

Have you read the forum guidelines for effective communication already?