Former Community – We Moved
🆕 Coached community here, for posts & feedback public community here.
How to seduce female college mates without appearing needy.
Hmm, thanks John I think it's a good idea.
About the number, since she's in the WA group of 1st year (this is her first year) I already got it, haven't talked in WA with her though. So, based in your response as well as in my circumstances, instead of asking her for her number I'll simply tell her something along the lines of: "......you seem to be a smart girl that knows to read between lines, you're in x WA group of the class aren't you?..... Well, I hope you like cat memes". After that I'll talk to her in WA and probably send her some funny dog memes, after that it's simply testing her interest and seeing if her flirting was in order to get validation/fun or because she was genuinely interested.
Since there will be people around it doesn't look weird and its simply too "friends" :) chatting in WA. In this case the less people around the better, plus I know a couple of potential cockblockers that could hear the conv. I already checked moves from them a couple of times and socially overpowered one, so odds are with me in that sense.
Cheers.
P.S:
This seems like a good strat to start talking more to girls without appearing too "thirsty", will probably use it more than once. After all male and female "friendships" aren't weird isnt it :).
I personally would not do that.
She did not gave it to you personally and willingly. So it is like stalking to me. Or at least unwanted contact.
I would not beat around the bush and go talk to her. Just get to know her. That's it. There is no trick. The whole part is having 2 min with her alone to invite her. That's where the leadership skills and strategy come in: how can I get her alone 2 min away from those cockblockers?
The man makes it happen. That's what girls want.
I would not go the friendship route. I think it's weak and ineffective. From there you have to do and make your own experiences. You need feed-back from reality. It does not matter at all. This girl you will have forgotten her in 2 years time. I swear. She's not that important. What's important is learning the skills.
Who cares what girls think about you? At this stage you need experience. Let them think you're thirsty. You cannot overcome the thirst without experience from my POV. You cannot think yourself out of the thirst. Just like you cannot think yourself out of the fear of jumping out of a plane the first time. The fear goes away after the 30th jump. Same thing.
So based on what you write, you have 2 options:
- Go with the classroom girls with all the risks it implies (reputation, rejection then seeing her again, cockblockers)
- Go with the other girls at uni
My heart obviously goes to 2.
Unfiltered raw feedback, thanks brother, def needed that.
I wouldn't be lying if I said that part of my brain is getting anxious about it, not having fully fixed my attachment style fully does this sht to my perception, still I can control it better than in the past.
I completely agree, not being sneaky, not looking for the easy way, just get to know her and ask her number where no one's around, the dominant and direct way.
And again I agree, in 2 years I wont even know where she is and how she looks like.
Quote from John Freeman on October 17, 2023, 9:42 pmSo based on what you write, you have 2 options:
- Go with the classroom girls with all the risks it implies (reputation, rejection then seeing her again, cockblockers)
- Go with the other girls at uni
My heart obviously goes to 2.
Yeah 2 seems like the better option, will definetely talk to other college girls. About 1, will try it anyway but being a bit more careful, I wouldn't be the first one in my degree to have something like that happen to him, since I know a couple of high status guys that went through experiences like that with girls from maths too.
I completely agree, not being sneaky, not looking for the easy way, just get to know her and ask her number where no one's around, the dominant and direct way.
I would recommend exchanging contact rather than asking her number: equal exchange rather than taking. Different frame.
It's not about status, it's just life. Rejections are part of the dating game, for men and women. It's normal.
Hello, Power Duck! Cheers! It seems girls in your college are already noticing you, that's great!
I think John's suggestions are great, as some of the others you proposed.
And while at first it was small blunder, I think this is good:
Her: are you the one from the other day? (while smiling)
Now it's not a "blunder", it's more of an in-joke between you two. See? :D
I also advise against getting her WA from the group, unless an interaction between you two took place within the group (normal college stuff) and it's natural for you both to continue the conversation. Than, continue the discussion 1:1 and after some messages you can branch off to more personal stuff.
What's a natural path: say you and her, for a reason that is well contextualized in the group, started discussing the Kissing Number Problem - the mathematical one, guys - in the group. After 1 or 2 exchanges, you reply to her privately (so as not to flood the group with too many messages, everybody understands) – to continue discussing the problem, not Kissing (yet), of course. You got her Number. Problem solved.
Now, in person, you can be "bold". But to go that route I think it's better to be already very socially skilled. Any awkwardness, any faux pas, and your reputation might suffer. While you need to practice and get experience, there's no need to rush things nor take unnecessary risks. Personally, I'd focus on talking to several people instead of pursuing her. Talk to guys, talk to girls (including her), talk to the college staff, focus on being sociable and friendly. With girls you like you can flirt here and there like you're doing, keeping it light. It's more of a spice (and this is what keeps you out of the "friend zone" even if you never make any advance. A decade and a half after my first degree, and women I studied with still see me as someone they'd like to date, so I don't subscribe to the "go fast or you'll end up in the friend zone" theory). From time to time you may find yourself 1:1 with a woman who also likes you, and then something can happen. To play around and explore (wich is fine in my opinion), parties, bars, clubs and apps are more socially safe options, in my opinion. Since you're already getting attention from women, you'll do fine in those environments. It's also a great opportunity for you to get to feel at home in different kinds of venues. Going this route might also help with your attachment style.
The only times I ask for girls' numbers are: 1) when there's no way we can naturally meet again later 2) After some encounters, it becomes clear that we like to talk to each other and can relate in enough ways.
Thanks Kav, there's lots of helpful tips in your response.
I do think your mindset is good in familiar environments: go slow and if you get along really well with a girl then proceed.
Also not focusing on results is was has led me to this point of increased status, so I'll keep it that way: talking with lots of people, flirting with girls, and focusing on the mission so the fire doesn't extinguish (since the inner drive and emotions that pursuing my goals gives me is part of the reason for me doing better, to sum it up having a meaningful purpose and moving towards it strengthens your character and makes you be more detached about other things, you've probably experienced this too)
I'll start going to clubs and pubs as soon as soon as I can, I don't have too much free time right now, probably next year, or on a Friday every now and then.
*Post deleted
