Please or Register to create posts and topics.

How to turn games into a cooperative relationship

Look at this example, and notice how quickly it goes from "uncooperative" to "extra-cooperative":

text example of shaming a woman into cooperation

This is a Tinder conversation, but it also applies to in-person dates and also in relationships.

In this case, if we both match, I expect some cooperation.

She doesn't need to come out if she doens't want.
But she could have shown a warmer attitude and helped the interaction move forward.



  • "I'm sleeping, and you?"
  • "I usually don't drink alcohol, but I like tea"

If you are in the process of dating someone, you should expect cooperation, and not having all your attempts at moving the interaction forward to be rebuffed.
And that is true especially if you're interested in a long-term relationship or if you already are in a relationship.

But she is not giving me anything to work with, shutting me down at both attempts to find a time to meet.
If I go for it a third time, I'm toast because I'd be chasing too much.

And not that I even want to go for it one more time, with that type of behavior.

The Shaming Technique

So at the third, I call out the poor behavior.

This works like a light form of shaming, a technique I describe in details in "Social Power" to fix games in relationships.

It's as if to say:

What the hell are you doing, will you help me here and contribute, or are you just going to play games?
Because I'm not into playing those games..

It serves to make her realize the mistake, set the boundaries of a healthy relationship, and indirectly demand investment from her as well.

In short: this serves to turn "chase me" games into a more cooperative effort.

She get bonus points here, for understanding what she was doing wrong.
But I was a bit too turned off by then to keep on going.

And that's the ultimate danger of "chase me and invest in me" games that sometimes women play.
For many men, they're a huge turn off.

selffriend has reacted to this post.
Have you read the forum guidelines for effective communication already?